Page 16 of Untethered Heart
It’s something that carries the pride of our family name. Something I want to carry forward with my own children. That seems like a faraway dream, though, and why everything I felt when I was with Lex scared me so much. Before I learnt the full weight of responsibility and attention the Heart name garnered, I was burned by a conniving woman, and I’ve been too stubborn to try again. Especially if it’s tied to my business.
When Dylan reaches forward to end the call with an animated thanks, my eyes narrow in on that photo I saw earlier behind him. It’s too far away to make out any real details, but a whip of blurred red makes me think of one thing. Lex. Now I remember where I’ve seen a trident recently. Perched on her shoulder, and smelling of coconuts.
She also wore a trident tattoo, and now it feels like a song calling me in. An undeniable arrow pointing me down a path I’ve never travelled and one I’m not sure how I can avoid.
I’ve been to The Wayside the last two weekends, hoping to bump into her. At first, it was to convince myself she was real. I’d started to think I’d conjured this perfect woman in my mind, and that was the reason I couldn’t stop thinking about her. She was like a dream that was fading the more daylight pulled me into reality, and I was desperately trying to hold on.
A woman has never had this kind of claim on my attention before. I’m starting to find it hard to concentrate. Most mornings, I wake up ready to work, to immerse myself in deals, reports and new opportunities. I go home at night excited about what Heart Assets is creating for the future. Now, I wake up wondering about Lex.
Is she thinking about me? Has she been back at my brother’s bar looking for me, too? I find it hard to believe that I could have missed her with the way I watched the door like a fiend all the nights I’ve been back since.
I don’t know if I should just give up and let myself naturally get over her with time. Maybe I’ll give it one last week of stalking The Wayside. No, not stalking. Surveying.
Yeah, that’s totally better, you creep.
Chapter ten
I’ve been waiting for this moment all week, and now that it’s here, I feel like my heart is beating outside of my body from nerves. I’ve worked the last three weekend shifts at the bar while I did my manager training, and I’ve spent every weekend wondering if Caleb is at The Wayside.
When Claire realised I wasn’t working this weekend, she cleared her schedule of the blond guy she’s still hooking up with, and simultaneously denying she’s catching feelings for, so we could go out. And that’s another reason why my mind has been circling back to Caleb—Claire has entered one of her dial-an-orgasm situationships with the guy she met the same night.
I don’t even know why I’m fixating. It’s not like I’m looking for a boyfriend or even anything like what Claire does, but the intimacy of that night startled me.
Caleb drowned me with unrestrained affection, and it feels like I’ve been drifting without direction ever since. Ugh, it was probably just because I’d never had such an intense orgasm before.
Shake it off, Lex. Pull your head out of the clouds and focus.
The line to The Wayside is longer than usual for a Saturday night. Their themed nights always draw a bigger crowd.
Claire is confident she decoded the entry password they left hidden on their social media posts. There was a cowboy hatsitting on the bar top in one photo, so we gathered it was a western theme. That’s the only reason I’m standing in the cold wearing white cowboy boots that make me feel like a complete poser. The people queuing up behind us are dressed to match, so at least I don’t feel too out of place within the crowd. I tug at the frayed hem of my denim mini skirt, shuffling from one foot to the other to keep my body warm, right as a thin opening in the door slides across, revealing a set of shadowed eyes.
“Password?”
Claire shifts in, cupping her mouth to block the words from carrying down the line as she whispers, “Honky Tonk Honey.” I clutch her arm as a man steps out of the shadows, holding an empty hand out to me and a stamp in the other. I offer him my wrist, studying the inked The Wayside logo as it bleeds into spider webs against my skin. Claire gets her wrist stamped, and we’re ushered through the door.
There’s a moment where the space is void of any sound and movement before we emerge through a second door, and a cacophony of twanging and rippling guitar strings fills the air with rasping Tennessee drawls. A switch inside me flips at the sight of everyone on the dancefloor. People are wearing an assortment of fringed vests, cowboy hats and cowhide chaps. It’s a country party like I’ve never seen in the city, and I can’t stop the squeal that emits from my mouth as I latch onto Claire’s arm with a jitter of hops that she mimics.
She drags us straight to the dancefloor to join the fray. We soak up the energy of the place, and I let all the worries and thoughts that have plagued me over the last few weeks slip away.
Quality time with Claire will always do that. She’s been my best friend for so long. At this point, we have the kind of friendship where we don’t always need words. Just the presence of a person you trust so unconditionally. Claire has never faltered in offering her love and loyalty in all the years we’ve known each other. She was there when I needed her most, even when Iwouldn’t let her be. She just waited on the sidelines, kept showing up or distracting me.
Just like now, she knows I’m stuck in my thoughts about Caleb. She granted me the opportunity to do something about it by coming back to The Wayside, and at the same time, she’s putting herself right by my side in case I need her. I’ll always love the way she has my back.
We dance to a few songs before visiting the bar for a drink. Each of the bartenders is sporting cowboy hats with their black The Wayside T-shirts. Once we have our whiskey sours in hand, we manage to spot a high-top table free up and quickly station ourselves there to give our feet a break.
“Thanks for convincing me to come out tonight!” I shout through the music.
“We needed this! I miss you now that you’re working most weekends.” Claire smiles at me. Her short blonde hair touches her shoulders in loose waves, and neon pink cowboy boot earrings peek through the strands every time she turns her head.
We drag our chairs closer so we can catch up while we drink. We saw Claire’s salon the other day, before her floorboards were installed. Now she has to stay out for a week while the stain cures.
She’s slowly getting used to how much the owner of the construction company that’s doing her renovation seems to involve himself in the project. I don’t think she’s quite ready to admit just how useful his guidance has been. I think it’s good for her, though, she’s used to making all the decisions on her own. In a way, I guess I am, too.
My grandmother was already quite old when I went to live with her. She was retired and a homebody. I got used to my own company. I wasn’t living with her for that long before it felt like I was looking after her. It was the kind of distraction I needed, though.
My dad was my whole world. I don’t remember my mother, who left us when I was three. As in, Dad woke up one morning with a note on the kitchen bench saying this life wasn’t for her, and we never saw her again.
My dad was good at not showing his hurt around us, only in the dead of night when he didn’t think we’d catch him. He was the most loving and dedicated father you could hope for. Showing up for every school event and volunteering for class outings, he always prioritised quality time with Dylan and me. It was Dad who led me to my love of the ocean, and for a time, my hatred of it.
