Page 60 of Wounded Cowboy
But now, the thought of her leaving made his heart hammer and his throat constrict.
Ask her to stay. Tell you’ve fallen for her. That you want more than“just friends.”
He tried to speak, but he couldn’t get the words out as the first panic attack in two-and-a-half months slithered around him and tightened its grip like a giant boa constrictor.
He frantically tried to reach for calming thoughts to defeat the icy coils.
Instead, a dozen possible disastrous outcomes crowded into his brain.
If he asked Kelsey to stay, she could reject him and break his daughters’ hearts. Hell, she’d breakhisheart.
And what if something bad happened to her like it had happened to Laura? What if Kelsey died, too?
He couldn’t endure the pain of loss again. And he sure as hell wouldn’t subject his precious girls to it.
He shook his head minutely, and saw Kelsey’s expression falter.
Abigail frowned.“Spring, are you all right, dear?”
Kelsey was still looking at him, but with worry now. She reached out and took his hand in hers.“Breathe,” she whispered.“In.”
He fought to fill his lungs with air.
“Good. Now hold it and count to five.” God, her tone was so soothing. He wanted to turn to her and bury his head between her amazing breasts and let her stroke his head to banish the panic attack.
“Now release your breath. You’re doing great,” she crooned.
It was hard to relax with everyone sitting there, looking worried, but finally he managed it.
“I’m—I’m okay now,” he assured them a few minutes later.
Kelsey squeezed his hand and gave him a searching glance.God, I don’t deserve her.
Like a fucking coward, he looked away.
She released her hold on him and she sat back.“To answer your question, Abigail,” she began, and her voice broke.
Fuck, thought Spring.I did that to her.
Kelsey raised her chin and started again.“To answer your question, I’m afraid not. Please don’t get me wrong. I love this ranch and everyone here. But this is something I’ve been planning a long time, and need to do. I’ve—I’ve been looking for apartments online, and I found a studio in Sherman Oaks that’s a twenty-minute drive from Santa Monica Beach. I’m planning to sign the lease tomorrow and move in before Labor Day weekend.”
“Ah, Los Angeles,” Grandma Abigail mused.“So many opportunities. I’m sure you’ll thrive there, my dear.”
“Thank you,” Kelsey said softly.
Her gaze drifted back to Spring.
He clenched his fists in his lap, his mind racing with the conversation he’d need to have with his VA therapist during their next session. He tried to convince himself that he had done the right thing by not asking Kelsey to stay. But the pain in his chest told him otherwise.
As the dinner continued, Spring found it increasingly difficult to engage in conversation or even focus on the delicious meal before him. The thought of Kelsey leaving gnawed at him, but he kept reminding himself that she needed the freedom to chase her dreams in Los Angeles.
He just wished it didn’t hurt so much.
“Are you all right, son?” Dad whispered when dinner was over and he and Mom were handing out dessert.
He passed Spring a plate of warm huckleberry cobbler topped with a scoop of homemade vanilla ice cream.
Spring forced a smile and took the plate.“Yeah, Dad, I’m fine,” he lied.“Just got a lot on my mind, that’s all.”
