Page 72 of Under His Sheets
“Dad, I wanted to say…I didn’t want to… Things have been a little rough, but I’m good now. I…I said things before that?—”
“Randall, we don’t have to?—”
“I said things that were disrespectful to you and everything you raised me to be. And when you come close to losing everything, you realize what really matters. You and Mom sacrificed a lot for me to get where I am today, and I just wantyou to know how much I appreciate you both. I’m sorry I let my frustrations get the better of me. I should have been honest instead of rude.”
Dad grunted on the other end of the line, and I heard him clear his throat. “Holidays aren’t the same without you here. Think we might see you?”
He wouldn’t come out and apologize, nor would he express his feelings. But just like that, we’d moved on.
“Not…for a while, Dad. I can’t travel right now. But as soon as I have time off from school, I’ll come. And apologize in person.”
“Good,” he said. “I will too.”
My eyes burned, and I didn’t trust my ability to hold back the sob threatening to break free. “Dad, you don’t have to?—”
“Will you be bringing someone with you?”
“What? Will I?—”
Dad chuckled. “I assumed there might be apersonthat influenced your move to another country on the other side of the world.”
“You assume correct.” Dad had always had a preternatural sense about the love lives of his children. Whatever our hearts’ desired, whatever schemes we came up with, or tales we told to cover missed curfews…he always knew. “It’s complicated, but I’d very much like for you to meet him.”
“I’ll look forward to it.” He cleared his throat again. “Good of you to call. Here’s your mother. Love you, son.”
I listened as Mom chatted excitedly about Mark’s baby on the way, Dustin’s promotion, and Matt’s latest hobby, dirt bike racing. Mayra cut in to tell me that she wanted to hear all about Spain because she and her girlfriends were planning to go to Europe over the summer, and did I think I’d still be there?
“I miss you,” I whispered, my energy completely flagging. “I’ve gotta go.”
They all said goodbye and while it had been a pretty chaotic conversation, it was a start.
I wished Alonso could have been there to hold my hand, and that thought made me finally give up and cry.
Physical therapy was hard, and the center was closed for a week over the holiday so I continued to do the exercises as best as I could at home. I was invited to dine with the Ferrers for Christmas, but I wasn’t feeling up to company. Fermín came by once a day to see if I needed anything, and I thought he was probably checking to see if Alonso had resurfaced. No luck. It had been more than two weeks and nothing…no word.
There was nothing in the news either. I checked every day. Lara hadn’t heard anything. Felip did go to Madrid, and came back to Barcelona furious. It all felt so hopeless. I didn’t know how things worked in Spain. Could they make someone disappear, just like that?
I knew I was sulking but I was in shock, in pain, and afraid, and the only person who could make anything make sense to me was…missing.
By the time the winter holidays were over and it was time to get back to school, I had enough function in my left arm to get myself dressed. My right hand was still sore and I couldn’t do anything weight bearing, but I could brush my teeth and hair. Sort of. I hadn’t shaved, so the day before school started, Josette came over and helped me. She remarked that I’d lost weight and prodded me to explain why I was so sad. As if not being able to play guitar wasn’t enough. But that’s what I told her. I couldn’t tell anyone else about Alonso.
I walked to school with her and Sasha the first day back. As we entered the building, my heart stopped when I heard thesqueaky wheels of the custodian’s cart. But when it came around the corner, an older gentleman was pushing it.
“Pedro!” Josette and Sasha ran up to the old man, gave him kisses on the cheeks. “Randall, come meet Pedro. He has been our custodian since we came to the school. He hurt his back and was out for some time. It’s so good to see you,” they said.
He smiled at me. “Mucho gusto.”
“Molt de gust.”
His eyes twinkled and he nodded. “Bé”
I’d spent my time off studying Catalan instead of staring at the walls. At least I could communicate a little better now. And if Alonso ever came back, well, he’d be proud.
I said adéu to them at my classroom and closed the door behind me to have a moment of quiet. I’d tried not to make a big deal about walking into the building and it wasn’t as awful as I’d thought it would be. My classroom still felt like my safe place.
There were two items on my desk that I hadn’t left there.
“Oh my God.”
