Page 9 of Beside the Rolling Waves
She didn’t want to process the fact that her sister had cancer. Apparently a not-good form of it, if they were worried about it “exploding.” Which she had never heard of, but her sister had said that those weren’t the words that the doctor had used exactly, it was just her takeaway from it.
That made her want to drop everything and race to her sister’s side. But she was still faced with the fact that she didn’t have anyone to take care of her horses. She had a couple ofpeople she thought she could ask, but it was going to be a big inconvenience for them, especially with the hard winter they had faced so far. Every week, there had been a snowstorm, and sometimes two. They’d gotten more than six feet of snow, which was a record in some places, including Raspberry Ridge.
Still, she was not afraid to ask for favors, because it was her sister.
But it occurred to her, when Velvet was done and back in her stall and Jethro was on the line, that…Rodney was going to find out just how desperate her circumstances were. There really was no way he couldn’t. Because if they did what she wanted, which was she would keep the babies for a week, and then he would keep the babies for a week, or something along those lines, he was going to have to figure out that…she couldn’t afford to feed herself, let alone two babies.
While her sister had work, it wasn’t a great job. She wasn’t going to be able to shower her with money to buy things for the babies. She was going to need formula at the very least, and after she stopped, stuck the lunge line under her arm, and googled baby formula, she understood that there was no way she was going to be able to afford to feed those babies. Just no way.
Actually, there was a way, but she didn’t want to think about that right now.
But for her sister, she would.
Still, Rodney was going to find out. He was going to see how desperate she was. How poor, and while it didn’t really bother her, not terribly anyway, because she was doing what she always wanted to do and loved, it did bother her that he would think she wasn’t successful. That she hadn’t done anything worthwhile with her life. That…whatever bad thing it was he was going to think. He would look at her and think she was a failure. And be glad that he didn’t have anything to do with her.
Maybe that was what turned him against her in the first place. He saw that she was unmotivated and didn’t care about making money, which seemed to be his focus, more and more and more, and maybe the more he focused on it, the less she did.
Maybe she was naturally the balance to him. Without even thinking about it.
She shook her head. She did not want to think that was true in any way. She didn’t want to balance Rodney in anything. She didn’t want to do anything with him.
“Good boy, Jethro.” Jethro was the laziest of her horses. He did not move any faster than a slow walk unless she pressed him the whole time.
He was more than happy to stop and did so in his tracks. Not going one step farther than what he had to.
She walked over, rubbing under his mane at the special spot that he just loved to have scratched. Then, she wound up the lunge line, snapping the lead rope on, taking the lunge line off, before she led him back to his stall.
He towered over her, making her feel tiny, but he was so gentle, so sweet, so loving that she was not afraid, ever. Even when he was upset. Which wasn’t very often.
She couldn’t imagine life without her beloved horses.
She finished, checking down over her outfit to make sure that she wasn’t too dirty and changing out of her barn boots into her worn pair of cowboy boots.
They weren’t nearly as warm, and they were terrible in the snow, but she was heading out to clean Vera and Dominic’s house, and she didn’t want to show up with horse poop all over her shoes.
She didn’t bother to go upstairs to get anything to eat, even though her stomach growled. Sometimes Vera would tell her to help herself to some snacks or leftovers that she had on the counter. Becky always tried not to eat too much, but shepreferred to have her one meal of the day at the end of the day so she could go to bed with a warm, full belly. That helped to make it so that she didn’t feel the cold in her room quite as much.
She brushed off the couple of inches of snow that they’d gotten last night from the windshield of her truck, and then she climbed in. She always left the keys in it. There wasn’t anyone around who would steal it, but even if there were, if they were desperate enough to steal a truck that looked like hers, she kind of felt like maybe they needed it more than she did.
“Come on, Rod, start for me.”
Like an idiot, when she’d gotten the truck, she’d named it after Rodney. Rodney never went by Rod, but that’s what she called her truck.
She probably should change the name, but she identified with it now and didn’t really think of Rodney all that much when she said it.
Which was a lie. She thought of him all the time. But it was also a fact that it would be like changing a child’s name after they’d had it for ten years. They just wouldn’t seem like the same person.
Anyway, she turned the key, and the motor chugged slowly.
She pumped the gas a few times, said another prayer, and then whispered a bit of encouragement before she tried again.
It sounded a little better that time but still wasn’t catching.
“One more time. You gotta get me to town. I’m supposed to get paid today. I need money to buy feed on Wednesday. Come on.”
Maybe Rod heard her, or maybe it was the Lord, but the truck started to life.
“Thank you, Jesus.” She wasn’t confused about why the truck started. And it had nothing to do with the fact that she had it named, and she talked to it. But everything to do with the fact that sometimes God still smiled on her.
