Page 58 of Beside the Rolling Waves
Her brows drew down, and she tucked her legs closer to her, drawing them to her and putting her chin on them. “I’m not sure. But I don’t feel anger. I just feel…sad. Maybe a little empty. I definitely pity Stella. The idea that that’s a good life to someone. How little you must value yourself to hook up with anyone and everyone. Whoever’s available. That’s just kinda hard to wrap my head around. Maybe that’s overshadowing everything, but… I suppose the idea that you moved out. That you went to someplace dangerous and hard, that you knew that what you were doing was wrong, I don’t know. It’s kind of hurtful that you did it while you weren’t talking to me, but it would have been worse if you had done it while you and I were still talking, you know?”
He didn’t really understand why something would have been worse. He thought she would be a lot more angry at him having sex with another woman than she would have been at him not talking to her for five years, but maybe she was just tired of being angry. Maybe she was just tired of being disappointed in him.
Or maybe it was a delayed reaction, and when she thought about it for a while, then she would be angry.
“Regardless. I’m sorry. I have always loved you. And I know I always will. Being with you is like coming home. It feels right. Nothing else does.” He realized as he was saying it that it was the absolute truth. Nothing else felt just right like being with Becky. She had the ability to make him feel like he was home.
“That’s how I feel about you. I guess it took me a little while to figure that out. But that’s exactly the way I feel. Being with you is like being home. And I don’t want to trade it for anything.” She paused for a moment, and then she said, “And I don’t want to get unreasonably angry at you for making mistakes. Especially at mistakes you made five years ago.” She paused, then looked at him. “Is there anything else you aren’t telling me?”
He laughed. “No. No other women. Not even close. I learned my lesson with that, and I have a couple of ladies that I work with, but I have an office that is completely glass. Every wall. There’s a bathroom, but it just has a toilet in it. There is definitely no room for any kind of, well, I suppose people could make room for what they want to make room for, but I promise you, for me, doing anything in that bathroom besides using the toilet is just gross, okay?”
She laughed. “I believe you. I’ve had to think about things since the babies were born. You never lie to me. I mean, you might have made promises that you didn’t keep, but you never tried to pretend they were something that you didn’t say. You might have not wanted to tell me what you were doing, but instead of going completely silent on me, you could have lied to me. There was nothing preventing you from writing letters to me telling me how well you were doing, and how much money you were making, and how you were traveling here or there. But you didn’t. You didn’t lie. And I guess that means more to me than anything. That shows me that you respect me enough to tell me the truth. And there is something that is sadly sweet about you wanting to look your very best for me. I can respect that.”
“Thank you. I wasn’t sure that you would ever understand.”
“It took me a little while. Sometimes I can be slow.”
“Oh, Beckpet. You are a lot of things, but slow is not one of them.”
She laughed with him. And then he said, “Do you think that we could handle another kid?” He looked at the two car seats, quiet for now, but that had been a huge adjustment. “Bringing a three-and-a-half-year-old boy into the mix would be…crazy.”
“We have to handle what we have to handle. Good thing we bought a big house.”
She said “we.” That made his heart smile.
“Becky?”
“Yeah?” she asked, lifting her brows.
“Maybe this is not a good time to bring this up, but remember how I said I didn’t want to live with you?”
“I understand now.”
“I want to marry you.”
He was surprised when she didn’t hesitate, especially considering what he’d just confessed. “All right. That would solve all our problems. And if you’re trying to sell yourself, you did a good job of it last night. I could get addicted pretty fast to snuggling with you all night long.”
“I’m happy to hear it. Because I’m expecting that as soon as you say ‘I do.’”
“All right. You got it,” she said.
It was a little awkward for him to move across the couch, but he did anyway, and he took both of her cheeks in his two hands. She moved her knees and leaned closer.
“You know you just agreed to marry me, right?”
“I was hoping that was what that was, because if it wasn’t, I was trying to figure out how I was going to propose later today.”
“I think we’ve wasted enough time.”
She agreed, nodding.
And then he said, “I’ve waited a long time to kiss you. I don’t think I would have chosen a moment like this, but it feels right. Do you mind?”
“I want you to,” she said, putting both hands on his cheeks and pulling his face toward hers.
They shared a sweet, tender, almost bittersweet kiss. One that tasted a little of sadness but mostly of excitement for the new beginnings that they were looking forward to. It wasn’t going to be anything like he had thought it was going to be, but he had a feeling it was going to be better. Because anything with Becky was better.
Twenty-Four
