Page 57 of Beside the Rolling Waves
“That girl, Stella was her name. She had a one-bedroom apartment. She told me I could sleep on the couch. I was grateful to not be on the street, because that’s where I thought I was going to be. Anyway, there were men who moved in and out. She hooked up pretty often, I guess is what you call it. And I was on the couch. One weekend, she didn’t have anyone to hook up with, and she…hooked up with me.”
That was a disgusting way to say it, but it was the truth.
Becky had gone completely still, and even though her hand still lay in his, it almost grew colder as he held it.
“You gonna say anything?” he asked.
“I’m waiting for the rest of the story. Is there more?” she asked, and her voice was small, and it sounded like it hurt. Like there was pain that was coming from her bones and oozing out her voice.
“I guess there were two other times where she didn’t have a date, if that’s what you call it, and she turned to me. I…had zero experience, and I couldn’t have been a good hookup in hindsight. But I went along with it. I guess I just felt bad about myself, whatever. There’s no excuse for it. By the third time, I knew it was going to continue unless I did something. That’s when I found that apartment that I told you about. The cheapest thing I could find, in the worst and most dangerous section of Chicago. Anything to get out of there. That’s what I did. I didn’t have much, just three suits and some T-shirts and jeans. I took them with me and moved out. And I thought that was it.”
“It wasn’t?” she asked, and while her voice was a little louder, it still held that note of pain or betrayal or whatever it was. Shedeserved to feel it all. She deserved to have every piece of her anger directed against him. He couldn’t sense any right now, but he was sure it was coming. It was inevitable. How could she not be angry with him?
“I thought it was. I thought that was the end of it. I didn’t see her, didn’t talk to her. It wasn’t like there were any kind of emotional attachments. She just…didn’t like to be alone on the weekends, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t really understand that mentality, and I knew that wasn’t the person I wanted to be. No matter how financially devastated I was, I didn’t have to be morally devastated either. Although…it’s too late to get back what I don’t have any more.”
He paused for a moment, not wanting to dwell on that but trying to figure out how to say the rest. “Anyway. Not long ago, my lawyer was contacted by a lawyer that she had hired. Stella. Now remember, when we hooked up,” he cringed over the words, “I had nothing. Literally nothing. I was bumming out on her couch, and I didn’t even have money to give her for food. So, she must have seen me somewhere and realized I now had money, and the note from her lawyer said that she had a son, and she wanted compensation.”
“Oh my goodness,” Becky breathed.
“Yeah,” he finally said. Then he wished he wouldn’t have said it, because she pushed up and away from him and moved over to the other side of the couch, bringing her legs up to her chest and hugging them, facing him.
Her hair was messed up, her face red from leaning on him, and her eyes red rimmed from the funeral and being up with the babies the night before, and maybe they were filling with tears now, he couldn’t tell.
He watched her as he said, “I was aghast. It was not that long ago, and it was after I had seen you. You were all I thought about. You were the only one I ever wanted. Ever. Everything I did, Idid it for you. I did it all with us in mind. Our future. I just knew you would always be loyal to me. There was never any question in my mind about that. Even though I didn’t talk to you. I didn’t worry about that at all.”
He didn’t mean to make her feel guilty, but her face changed, like she knew she hadn’t been loyal, and she looked down.
“I’m not knocking you. I’m just telling you how I felt. There was never a doubt in my mind that you and I were going to be together. I meant every word, everything I ever wrote to you. It was all true. And then, I got this thing from my lawyer, knowing that I had a child. And that was after I saw you again, and I knew I needed to tell you what had happened and why I hadn’t talked to you and tried to make things right, and then this big bombshell dropped in my lap.”
“And what did you do?” she asked, and he didn’t know how she would react to this. But he hoped he had done the right thing.
“I told my lawyer that I would pay it. Whatever she asked, and the only thing I wanted in return was for her to give up all of her rights and to give me full custody.”
Becky’s eyes got big, and her mouth opened, and then she said, “But what if the little boy is attached to his mother? You’re going to rip his mother away from him?”
“I don’t know. I guess. I… I didn’t know what to do. I just knew I didn’t want to co-parent with Stella. Someone I barely knew and shouldn’t have been with. Anyway, what’s lying on the counter over there is her lawyer’s response to my request. She’s agreed to it, as long as I agree to meet with her just one time. I need to sign it and send it back to my lawyer, and my lawyer will facilitate a meeting between us, and I’ll find out what she’s going to say.”
“You can’t take a little boy from his mother.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment, and then he said, “I wondered if she was even raising the child. Maybe she has her mother doing it or someone else, but you’re right. I don’t want to step in and upend his world, but at the same time, I don’t want my child to be raised by a bunch of strangers, who do drugs while he’s playing with his toys on the floor in front of them.”
Becky nodded and seemed to be able to understand what he was saying as he said that, and she didn’t argue with him anymore.
“Honestly, I’m not sure the boy’s mine. She said she had a paternity test done, and he is mine, but I don’t know how she would have done that. I never donated any DNA for any tests.” He still wasn’t sure. She could have taken it from him while he was at her apartment, but that would have been showing a lot of foresight and patience.
“You said she had been hooking up every weekend?”
“Yeah. Every weekend, she was with someone. Usually someone different. I think I saw a couple of guys come around a few times, but…sometimes she was with one guy Saturday evening and went to bed with someone else the next night. It was…kinda gross.”
“Yeah. Ouch. That’s gross and sad.” Becky hesitated. “So, you’re going to meet with her?”
“Yeah. As soon as my lawyer sets up the meeting.” He paused and then said, “Do you want to go?”
Her eyes opened big, and then she tilted her head as though she were thinking about it. “Yeah. I think I would.”
It was his turn to be surprised. She didn’t seem to be overly angry. In fact, he was hard-pressed to detect any anger at all, and…he definitely wasn’t expecting her to want to go meet with Stella.
“I don’t understand why you’re not angry with me.”
