Page 54 of Beside the Rolling Waves
“Are you gonna try to buy them back?” he asked softly.
“No. I was thinking that I wouldn’t have wanted to sell them, but now that they’re gone, I guess… That opens up new doors for me. You know? Like, while the horses were there, I was kind of tied to Raspberry Ridge. I couldn’t go anywhere because they needed to be fed morning and night. Or I needed to put them out to pasture, then make sure they didn’t get out. Or I had bookings I had to be there for. But now, I don’t have those things to tie me down. I can maybe do something else. I actually had to get another job to help pay for their feed and…maybe I would have money to buy, oh, I don’t know, something.” She couldn’t really think of anything she wanted. Other than enough food. She wouldn’t mind if she never ate beans and rice again.
“So…what are you thinking you want to do?”
“I was just thinking I was pretty content here. And I was wondering if you wanted to go back to your business.”
“I am pretty content here too. I was thinking that this evening while you were sleeping. The babies were sleeping, and I was almost asleep but awake enough to appreciate the fact that it felt like I had a family. And… It’s been a long time since I felt like I belonged to a family.” He just left it at that. He had parents, but the horrific murder-suicide had practically erased the few good childhood memories he’d had. He was so grateful to the Landry brothers and their wives who had taken him under their wing and made sure he healed from that trauma.
“Yeah. I guess that’s what this feeling inside of me is. It feels pretty good. Wish my sister could have felt it.”
“I think maybe she did a little bit while she was pregnant. Did you notice that she just seemed to glow with contentment when you saw her? Or maybe that was just the evening I saw her. She seemed so happy.”
“No, you’re right. She did seem to have a glow about her, even though she looked terrible. I guess on the one hand, I’m not surprised she didn’t make it through the operation. I’m onlysurprised she didn’t die earlier. Because she looked awful. But she did have a glow about her. Just a satisfaction and peace. And I think she was happy.”
“She had these babies growing in her. Her perfect family right in her body.”
“She never complained that the father didn’t want to have anything to do with them.”
“I don’t think she needed him to.”
She hadn’t wanted his name on the birth certificate or wanted him to have anything to do with them, and he hadn’t shown any interest. Which was sad. The idea that a dad didn’t want anything to do with his child. How could he create another human being and just walk away from it? Part of his body, his lineage, and not even care?
She couldn’t get that. It didn’t make any sense at all to her.
“All right. Marley gave me one good burp, and I’m going to try to put her down.”
She leaned forward, able to get Marley into the car seat, settling her in, tucking her little blanket around her, not too snuggly, because it wasn’t chilly in the apartment. And she didn’t want Marley to get too hot.
She made sure she was safely enclosed before she leaned back on the couch.
She should move to the recliner so she could lie down, and then Rodney could have the couch when Kevin was done eating.
Normally she got it, but it really didn’t seem fair that she got the most comfortable piece of furniture all the time. It was only right that he would get to have it once in a while.
But she was content where she was, tired, and she didn’t want to move.
“You never took your boots off,” he said, smiling a bit.
“Did you take yours off?” she asked.
“I’m going to. I assumed I was going to get to sleep a little after this, and I don’t typically sleep with my boots on.”
“Is it going to bother you if I sleep with mine on? I’m so tired I’m not sure I have the energy to take them off.”
She hadn’t realized that he’d moved and must have put Kevin in his car seat, because the next thing she knew, he was kneeling in front of her, unlacing her boots and sliding them off.
“Oh my goodness. You don’t have to do that,” she said, but it was all she could do to get the energy to talk.
“I know. But I want to. You’ll be more comfortable this way.”
“I’ll be more comfortable if you hold me the way you did earlier. I haven’t slept that well in a really long time.”
“It might just be because you’re so exhausted you can sleep anywhere. You were pretty sound asleep in the car.”
“I guess you’re right. But…there was something comforting about sleeping with you.” His heartbeat under her ear made her feel safe and protected. But there was also shared intimacy that came from holding onto another human. And not just another random human, but someone she knew and loved and respected and whom she knew admired and respected her as well.
He didn’t say anything else, and she wasn’t paying attention as he slipped his boots off and stood up.
