Page 41 of Beside the Rolling Waves
She pursed her lips and seemed to be fighting herself. “I want to believe you, but…my letters were returned unopened, you changed your number or blocked me or something. I couldn’t get a hold of you. Even if I was hurt or dying, I couldn’t tell you.” Her tortured eyes lifted to his. “I loved you. I loved you, and you abandoned me.”
“I know who you are. I knew it then. I knew you’d wait for me.” She looked away, and he remembered that there was someone else.
She didn’t say anything, even though he waited. Would she tell him?
In the heat of the moment, in his need to tell her, explain to her what he’d done, he’d forgotten. How could he have forgotten something like that?
Of course, after the week he had, it was amazing that he remembered his own name.
“Do you have someone else?” he asked. He didn’t want to ask. He wanted her to tell him, but he couldn’t stand the suspense. Maybe she did have someone, and she wasn’t interested in him. Maybe he had just wasted his time.
But no, he needed her to know. Even if they didn’t end up together. He needed to know.
“No. There isn’t anyone else. I was with a guy, but I think he saw me as his designated driver. He wasn’t you.”
That’s all she said, but it said everything to him. He knew that this was a hard time, but he couldn’t keep himself from smiling hugely.
“Nice,” he said softly, his words drawing her eyes to his face.
“You don’t need to smile at that.” She looked annoyed.
“Why not? I like it that you’re not with the guy anymore, because he’s not me. Isn’t that something for me to smile about?”
“Maybe I’m just not with the guy because no one else thinks I’m worth being with. Even you didn’t have a problem dumping me without a word.”
She yanked her shoulders away and walked around him, over to the kitchen.
So that was the problem. He’d hurt her, and what he’d done made her think she wasn’t good enough. That she wasn’t worthanything. He wasn’t sure how some other guy hadn’t snapped her up, but it wasn’t because she wasn’t worth it. She was certainly more than worth it. She was worth everything.
“I think you might be surprised at the men who would like to have you but are maybe a little bit afraid of you. I probably would be too if I hadn’t grown up with you.”
“So now I’m scary,” she said, going around the counter like she needed to have something between them. It was a small space, but maybe she felt more protected now that they were separated.
He walked over until he was over on the other side of the counter, and he leaned on it.
“Becky. I think you know you’re scary at times. I also think you know I love that about you. I love that you’re fierce, unafraid, that you fight with passion and integrity and stubbornness and all the determination in your huge heart, for the people you love. Like your sister. You sold your horses for your sister.” That was why she did it. She loved her sister, and she had a huge, fierce heart that wouldn’t allow her to do anything less. Sure, she loved her horses, but she understood they were just things. Becky wasn’t the one who got confused about that. That was him.
Seventeen
Becky forced herself not to retreat anymore, like there was any place for her to go. She had moved back, putting the kitchen counter between them, because… It was too hard for her to stand there face-to-face. She felt too vulnerable.
Then he called her scary and made her feel like there was something wrong with her.
She knew he didn’t really mean it, but still, the idea that she was fierce wasn’t exactly a compliment when he said it like that.
“I think we should focus on what we need to do right now. You’re right. I’m overwhelmed with everything else, and I don’t really want to talk about this right now.” There. She said it. Five years ago, she would have loved to talk to him. She wanted to hash it all out, but now… Now it just hurt and felt terrible, and she didn’t know whether to believe him or not. After all, it made sense, but if he loved her, would he really have shut her out?
Maybe she just needed to process it.
“As you wish,” he said, pushing back away from the counter and going back over to the living room, checking on the babies.
“It seems like once they’re asleep, it doesn’t matter how much we talk, they don’t wake up,” he said, very casually, like he hadn’t just been baring his heart to her.
Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he was just feeding her a line.
She knew Rodney wasn’t like that. Not the Rodney that she used to know. But she really didn’t know this man. He’d only been back for less than a week, after five years of absolute silence.
“All right. I think I have figured out what we need. I can go right now and get the stuff. I’m just going to get necessities. They sent us home with a lot of diapers, but we definitely need bottles and something to clean them with.”
