Page 124 of Chained By the Alpha
“Yes, because the day I laid eyes on you was the greatest and worst day of my life,” he tells me. I swallow and try to pull away from his grip. He doesn’t allow me to.
“The greatest, because I found my mate. And the worst because I realized you couldn’t feel the bond. I’ve never felt my heart race so fast, never knew loving someone so much could hurt until I thought you were ignoring me,” he whispers.
“The moment I laid eyes on you in that conference room, I knew you were mine and knew I would never love anyone else. I knew then I wouldn’t just kill for you. I’d lay my life down for you without even thinking.”
“Zayn…” Guilt gnaws at me, but I fail to come up with anything else.
“Even now, when you’re about to betray our bond and marry him, I’d still die for you. Despite that at this moment, I hate how much I love you.” He shakes his head. “You think I lied, yet I marked you, giving you the power to destroy me. Does that sound like a rival Alpha getting revenge?”
“I marked you,” he continues, his tone rough with barely contained fury, “not to bind you, to offer up my soul at your feet, because that’s what you hold now. Not just my heart, but my soul; my very existence is tied to loving you.”
His jaw clenches as he locks eyes with me, his gaze holding mine hostage. “I’ve handed you the power to destroy me. Tell me, does that sound like a man who merely seeks revenge? Or like one damned and determined to love you, regardless of the cost?”He then lets me go, turning to leave when he stops again. “Happy Birthday, Cleo.” I chew my lip, and he leaves, storming off toward his car, which I just noticed across the road. Yeah, happy birthday, I think to myself dryly. This is by far the worst birthday of my life.
Zayn storms off, his words still ring in my ears. I can feel the weight of his emotions, the intensity of his love and pain, and it overwhelms me.
I take a deep breath and make my way back to my car. As soon as I get in, tears start streaming down my face. This is supposed to be my birthday, a day filled with celebration. Yet here I am, feeling more confused and broken than ever.
I feel like shit, it still doesn’t change the fact he killed Deacon. Still won’t change the situation I’m in, even if I wished his words could. As I head back with my dress, I replay Zayn’s words in my mind. The conflicting emotions swirl inside me, leaving me feeling torn and confused. The entire drive home, all I can think about, is the angry look on his face and my impending shift. Once home, I am relieved to find Lydia and Linda still not home, and I sneak off up to my room. My mind is still reeling from Zayn’s confession and his anger toward me. It’s like a war inside me, with one side trying to justify his actions while the other side screams he killed Deacon.
I sit on my bed, staring at nothing in particular, as tears continue to run down my cheeks when I groan, knowing I need to hang my dress. I place it on the hanger, lost in my thoughts, surprised by a knock on my door. Startled, I turn around to see my father standing there with a small smile on his face.
“Hey, sweetie,” he says as he comes inside and leans against the doorframe. “Are you excited about getting your wolf tonight?”
I nod, trying to muster up some enthusiasm. The truth is, I am excited about finally shifting and discovering my wolf form. At the same time, I’m anxious and scared about the whole process.
My father notices my lack of excitement and sits next to me on the bed.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“I don’t know. I’m just nervous about shifting by myself,” I mumble, avoiding eye contact.
My mother always said when I was little she would be there for me when I shifted for the first time. That I wouldn’t have to suffer in silence like she did. Now that she’s gone, all I’ve been doing is suffering in silence. And tonight will be no different.
“It’s normal to be nervous,” my dad reassures me. “Just remember, you are not alone. Your wolf is a part of you and will guide you through this.”
As the time for my shift draws closer, my anxiety rises. My father offers to stay with me instead of attending the meeting with Samuel, but I refuse. I don’t want him to see me naked and vulnerable during such a moment. Plus, I know his presence would be a constant reminder of the marriage treaty hanging over me.
“No, I’ll be fine,” I assure him, trying to put on a brave face. “I’m going down by the river, where Mom originally told me she would take me.”
My father nods understandingly, there’s a sadness in his eyes that mirrors my own. We both miss my mother dearly and wish she could be here for this important moment in my life.
“I’ll see you when you get back,” he says before giving me a hug.
I nod before heading out toward the river. Walking, my mind is filled with conflicting emotions - excitement about finally shifting and fear of what might happen.
When I reach the quiet and secluded spot by the riverbank. The cool air brushes against my bare skin. I close my eyes and take deep breaths, trying to calm myself; I sit on a rock, wondering how long it will take. I’ve heard horror stories of people being stuck in the shift for hours, and others of it being really quick. As the moon rises, I find myself growing more anxious. I check my phone. What if I don’t have a wolf? That thought scares me more than the idea of shifting. Glancing at my phone, I see the time is nearly 8 PM. I am about to turn my phone off when I get a text from Zayn.
Zayn: How is the birthday girl?
I chew my lip, debating if I should reply. When I don’t, my phone rings in my hand, and I sigh before answering it.
“If you are calling to scold me, don’t,” I tell Zayn.
“That’s not why I am calling; I saw you read my message and didn’t reply. I take it you haven’t shifted yet?”
I hesitate for a moment before answering Zayn’s question truthfully. I know he would be able to tell if I lied, anyway.
“No, I haven’t shifted yet,” I admit, my voice trembling slightly.
