Page 65 of The County Line
She finally glances my way, her eyes clouded with something that looks too much like doubt and insecurity for a beautiful, complicated woman like her.
“Well, I’m in a reflective mood, I guess,” she says softly, curling her fingers tighter around the mug. “And I’m tired of wondering why you keep saying you won’t.” Her breath wavers as she hesitates, and I feel the shift coming before she says the next words. “Am I… not enough? Is there something wrong with me?” Her voice cracks on the question.
My chest tightens, but she pushes forward, her words tumbling out like she’s been holding them back for too long.
“Is it because I’m divorced? Are you… are you not that attracted to me? Will you always just see me as—” She stops, swallowing hard, but the tears are already thick in her voice. I pull her closer to my side, desperate to ground her before she spirals, desperate to fix this because that’s simply not the fucking case at all. “Maverick’s little sister from the wrong side of town? The one who always needed saving and brought you trouble?” she finishes, barely above a whisper.
Fuck, is that what she thinks?
“Molly…” I growl, my voice low.
“No.” She shrugs my arm off her shoulder, slides out from beneath the umbrella, and stands to step into the light rain.
Now that she’s standing, looking down at me, I rise too—attempting to match her focus, trying to meet her where she’s at. Raindrops cling to her soft skin, catching the light as they slide down her bare arms, making her glow like something untouchable.
“I actuallylikeyou, Colt,” she says, voice clear but trembling at the edges. “Like, a lot. And I’m not embarrassed to admit that. But sometimes it feels likeyou’reembarrassed ofme.And it makes me feel…”—she trails off, searching—“I don’t know. Yucky?”
A weak laugh escapes her lips as she drags her hands down the front of my chest, overly theatrical but still breaking my heart.
“I never thought I’d be good enough for a guy like you so when I met my ex-husband, I fell for him way too hard, way too fast. I swore I wouldn’t fall for another beautiful man with smooth words and a pretty face after my ex-husband. And yet, here you are.” Her hands sweep up and down my frame again. “Beautiful. Smooth. And working your way into my heart.”
She pauses, swallowing hard. “Actually, I think you’vealwaysbeen in there, which only makes this worse if you don’t feel the same because I also know there’s more to you. You’re not just a beautiful man with beautiful, empty words. You’re a protector, a great friend with so many beautiful layers to you beyond the surface.”
Her teeth catch on her bottom lip, and she stares past me like making eye contact might break her open. I want to stop her, to say something—anything—but I can tell she needs to get it all out. So, I wait while I think of all the ways that I can show her she’s always been more for me too.
“I think I’ve always liked you, or loved you, I’m not sure. Like you’ve always made me feel safe. You’ve been this powerful, warm guy even as a kid and I’ve been this kind of broken, dirty and fumbling through life girl. I think I gravitate towards handsome men who make me feel safe because they remind me of my father, and what he couldn’t give me. I’ve always been seeking refuge, trying to fill a void that he left in making me feelso exposed. That’s what has me doubting everything about our… whatever this is. Because I think you actually mean what you say but something’s holding you back.”
She takes a deep breath, and I decide I’ve heard enough of her doubting herself. I hate that I’ve made her feel that way and I hate even more what I need to say next.
“Molly.” I step toward her. “Are you finished?”
She nods, a little hesitant, her wide blue eyes locked on mine. I move in closer—close enough to feel the rise and fall of her chest, the tension radiating off her like static. She looks wrecked. Wounded and unsure.
Today took a toll on both of us, but the pain in her eyes—raw and unfiltered—hits different. And if she can be brave enough to lay it all bare, then the least I can do is try to be vulnerable. Even if I’m just a broken, emotionally stunted ex-con who doesn’t always know what the hell he’s doing.
I take a deep breath. “I’ve always liked you too,” I say, my voice lower now, more certain. “Back when we were in high school, I knew I couldn’t go there because of Maverick and maybe it took me a while to realize that shouldn’t have stopped me.” I wrap my hand around her hip and pull her flush against me. The rapid beat of her heart can be felt through her thin dress, and I hold her like that for a moment while I think.
“I’ve made you feel safe because… youaresafe with me. I’ve protected you because you’ve always felt like mine. I’ve cared about you, Molly, for years. And that’s not something that’s ever going to change.”
She nods slowly, eyes shining as if she’s hanging on to every word. Willing me to keep going.
“The reason I won’t have sex with you has nothing to do with my attraction towards you. I’m sure it’s obvious, I find everything about you,” I brush a lock of her damp, dark hair off her shoulder and admire how sweet she smells, “completely intoxicating.”
She draws in a breath, her eyes focused on mine. “Then what is it?”
I sigh, lowering my head to press a kiss to the curve of her neck I’d just exposed. “It’s because you deserve better than me. More than I can offer.”
“Oh,fuck that,” she snaps, stepping back so fast it startles me.
My eyebrows shoot up. Molly swears, sure—but never likethat, and never atme. The fire in her eyes says I’ve just pushed her past her limit for bull shit for the day.
“This is such aclassicline,” she spits, voice sharp with betrayal. “‘You deserve better.’” She practically hurls the words back at me. “Who made you the expert on what I deserve? Why do you think I can’t figure that out for myself? I’m twenty-eight years old and I’m divorced. You don’t think I know what I deserve by now?”
She paces, hands fisting at her sides.
“You’re the only person I talk to, if you haven’t noticed, since I moved back. I’ve barely seen Regan. I rarely hang out with Lydia outside of work. You’ve been there for me through ninety percent of my memories with Maverick—and you were there today when we buried him. You’ve been my anchor without even realizing it. And Iknowyou’ll still be here while I keep figuring out how to breathe through this grief because that’s what you do. You’re the guy who’s dependable. The one who is always there when someone needs a friend.”
She takes a step toward me now, her voice cracking as tears shimmer in her eyes. “Despite losing a decade together… you’ve somehow been theonlyconstant in my life, Colt. My only family.”
