Page 25 of The County Line
She pushes her lips out like she wants to say something more but holds back so I cut in again.
“Do you have plans after this? I’m heading over to the center to perform my weekly service if you want to tag along. You can see how helpful it is for yourself.”
She sets down her pen and looks like she’s taken aback by my offer. “You want me to come with you?”
I shrug. “If you don’t have other plans. One of the volunteer leads, Lydia, said they’re always looking for new people.” And truthfully, I’m not sure why I offered other than I like spending time with Molly. I always have. We used to be close and she’s one of the few people who knew the old me and is still around. Besides my siblings, I don’t have any other friends left here since I got sent away and Mav won’t return my texts.
“Oh, you know Lydia did mention that to me.” Her voice trails off as if she’s considering it. “Maybe I’ll swing by. I need to stop by the office and handle some paperwork but maybe afterwards.”
“Sure. No pressure.”
She nods and smiles then turns her attention back to the checklist. “Okay, so talk to me about your goals and plans.”
I wince at the question. You have nothing but time to think about goals and plans when you’re locked away, but a one year plan felt like a luxury for a long time, and I’d still be locked up if it weren’tfor Troy finally coming through. My goals back then had been to get out of prison alive with my sanity intact.
“Sorry…” her voice trails off as she notices my obvious discomfort, “it’s on the list to ask.”
“No need to apologize.” I rub my beard, much fuller now since I decided to stop shaving it. “I think I’d like to get through the brewery grand opening, get back into the swing of things at the distillery, finish building my new home, get off parole, and try to find some semblance of a routine.”
And start to feel anything other than this hollow emptiness inside of me.
“What about things you’d like to do for fun? Maybe hobbies, or relationships...?”
I chuckle, a low, humorless sound, because relationships and hobbies are the last things on my mind. “Can’t imagine many women lining up to date a freshly minted felon. And honestly? I don’t have the energy for it.”
She shakes her head and tucks a loose, raven colored strand of hair behind her ear. “That’s not true. You’re a catch—plenty of women would want to date you.” Her cheeks flush as soon as the words leave her mouth as if she hadn’t meant to say them out loud.
I rub my beard, watching her carefully. Is Molly noticing me how I’ve been noticing her?
I lean forward, clasping my hands on the table. Her eyes move towards my knuckles, tatted and scarred then slow up to meet mine with a calm, steady gaze, though I catch the faintest flicker of nerves behind them. She looks adorable in her little uniform, asking me about hobbies and dating like I’m just some guy with the luxury of free time and endless patience. She’s trying hard toplay it cool, but I saw her earlier—stealing glances at me by the creek when I was about to wash up. She was checking me out, noticing the ways that I’ve changed.
“I can’t leave a ten-mile radius unless it’s for work, and I’ve got a curfew at ten p.m.,” I say plainly. “Hobbies are a bit out of reach for me right now, and casual dating? Yeah, that’s not on the table.”
“Why not?” she asks again, her voice a little too high-pitched, like she’s nervous about the answer.
I sit back, deciding to give it to her straight. “Because I’m not interested in screwing around. And frankly, I’m not even sure I could.”
Her gasp is audible, her blush deepening, spreading across her cheeks and down her neck. It creeps lower, disappearing under the collar of that buttoned-up uniform that doesn’t fit the girl that I used to know. I can’t help but wonder if her nipples are the same rosy shade of that flush. The thought lingers longer than it should. Maybe I’d like to find out for myself.
I shrug, not offering her any more information. It’s not that I physically can’t get it up, it’s that emotionally, I don’t have it in me to offer a woman what she really deserves. Sex isn’t just physical for women, and connecting to those emotions, that passion, that desire, it’s not in me anymore. The last thing I need is to disappoint a woman with my inability to perform, so my hand is the only logical option at the moment.
“Okay, well, I think that’s about it for me,” she stutters as she shuffles her paperwork and slips it into her briefcase with a softclick.“We covered your living situation, community service, job, and potential pastimes. Though I do think you should consider trying to find a hobby and even putting yourself back out there more for... um... you know, relationship.”
I grunt, the sound low and dismissive. If she’s hoping I’ll put myself back out there, she’s in for disappointment. I have zero interest in adding to my already long list of headaches. The last thing I need is a woman expecting something from me I can’t give—or worse, risking my already shaky reputation in this town.
How could I even think about being in a relationship when I can’t seem to feelanything?
“So, you’re all free to go,” she says, her tone all business now.
“Sounds good. I’ll see you at the community center later?”
She smiles cautiously, avoiding eye contact. “Yeah. We’ll see.”
Chapter 12 – Colt
“Good afternoon, Colt!” Lydia’s overly cheerful voice greets me as soon as I enter the community center for the Boys & Girl’s Club of Whitewood Creek. Her outfit is over the top today, another flowery skirt and a shirt that says, “Free Hugs,”that I swear went out of style in the nineties.??
“Hello.”
