Page 98 of One More Time
‘Well, you know that my minor is Art History?’
‘Yeah,’ Lucy replied.
‘Well, I’ve been getting more involved with the art restoration side of things lately. Aiming more toward conservation. The physical, practical side of art history rather than the more theoretical, academic side. And I realized recently that I really love it. I kind of have a mind for the chemistry and mechanics of it and I just … I love it.’
Lucy could sense where the conversation was heading, had heard it before from other students over the years.
Olivia continued, ‘So, I’m changing majors.’
Lucy opened her mouth to offer words of encouragement, but Olivia spoke first.
She continued, ‘It’s just that … I mean, I also love American Cultural Studies and I’m already deep in the major at this point. But I think if I switch this semester, I can probably finish college in a total of five years. I’d really rather not bankrupt my parents or finish under a heap of debt. If I let it go any longer …’
‘I understand,’ Lucy said.
‘You do?’
‘Of course. You don’t owe me any explanations, Olivia. I’m glad you found something that you feel good about. It’s the perfect time to make the switch.’
Olivia visibly relaxed, her shoulders settling lower. ‘I was just feeling pot committed, you know? Like maybe I shouldn’t throw away all of this work in ACS and take the extra year.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Lucy interrupted. ‘Pot committed?’
‘Oh, yeah. Sorry. My dad is big into poker. He’s a contractor, but his hobby is cards. Drags us all to Vegas twice a year, the whole thing.’
At the mention of Vegas, Lucy felt the air in the room shimmer. A tingle up her spine had her leaning forward in her seat. Like it was destiny or fate or some other hokey shit she normally laughed off, but couldn’t ignore this time. She put her hands flat on the desk to steady herself.
Oliva went on, ‘In poker, pot committed is basically when you’ve bet into a hand round after round, but then when it comes time for the last cards to be turned over –even though it seems like you’re probably going to lose – you bet in anyway. Because all of your money is in there, right? So, if there’s even a tiny chance that you could win, it would be better to stick some more cash in there and see it through to the finish than it would be to fold. But the chances are slim. You almost always lose.’
‘Pot committed,’ Lucy whispered.
Olivia nodded. ‘Yeah, um, I realized that I was starting to think of my life that way. Which is beyond ridiculous.’ The young woman became more animated, punctuating her words with sweeping movements of her arms. ‘I can’t stay on this path just because I’ve accidentally overplayed my hand. It’s not cards, it’s mylife. I want to enjoy it. I actually considered being miserable for my whole life because I didn’t want to commit to one extra year of college. Can you believe that?’
Lucy’s thoughts and feelings shuffled and rearranged themselves. Her stomach flipped with excitement – fuckingepiphany. Lucy muttered, sort of at Olivia, ‘You’ve sacrificed. Given so much to this thing. Thisgoal. But what would be the greater waste?’ Lucy was so far on the edge of her seat, the rolling chair almost slipped out from under her. ‘To be miserable and achieve it? Or shift gears with the possibility of some inconvenient consequences for the chance to be truly happy?’
‘Exactly,’ Olivia said. ‘That’s what it’s about after all, right?’
Lucy looked up at the ceiling in astonishment and chuckled. ‘It is.’ She looked down at Olivia. ‘Sometimes you just have to take the leap.’
‘Yeah.’
Lucy griped, ‘It’s fucking terrifying though, isn’t it?’
Olivia laughed. ‘Yeah.’
Lucy stood, suddenly vibrating with the need to move.
‘Can I hug you, Olivia?’
Olivia looked momentarily stunned, then stood. ‘Sure!’
Lucy wrapped her student in her arms and squeezed. ‘You’re going to do great things, Olivia. I know it.’
‘Thank you, Dr. McManis,’ Olivia sighed, melting into the hug.
Lucy took a step back, held Olivia by her shoulders. ‘You stay in touch, okay? Here, let me give you my personal email.’ Lucy grabbed a piece of paper and jotted down her address. ‘Reach out anytime. If you’re feeling frustrated or you have some great news. All right?’
‘Sure. Of course,’ Olivia said, pocketing the paper and retrieving her backpack.
