Page 95 of One More Time
‘I don’t know,’ Kim replied, a huge grin spreading on her face. ‘I have no fucking clue and it isglorious. I could do anything, Luce. Absolutely anything. I’m getting out of DC – that’s for sure. I have plenty of savings. I’m just going tobefor a while.’
‘Wow,’ Lucy breathed. That sounded terrifying.
‘You could, too,’ Kim said softly while squeezing Lucy’s hand. ‘Justbe. With Nick Broome. If you wanted.’
‘It’s too hard, Kim. There are too many boulders in the way. It shouldn’t be this hard if it’s right. You know?’
‘No, I don’t. Who told you loving somebody would be easy? That’s stupid. Wasn’t that the theme of every single Nora Ephron movie? Who even are you?’
‘This isn’t a movie,’ Lucy huffed, pulling her hand from Kim’s, and cinching her belt again. She waited for the calm, steady feeling to follow, but it didn’t.
A long moment of silence passed. It had weight and substance, like Lucy could feel Kim’s thoughts stirring. Finally, Kim asked quietly, ‘Did you ever think that maybe they were all too easy?’
‘What do you mean? Who’sthey?’
Kim sighed. Gripped the back of her neck with a shaky hand. ‘Your husbands, honey,’ Kim said sweetly. ‘Yourmarriages.’ Lucy could tell that her friend was modulating her voice, trying to project calm. It pissed Lucy off.
‘What is that supposed to mean?’ Lucy protested.
Kim took a deep breath. A cleansing breath. And it made Lucy want to scream. Finally, Kim said, ‘With Brandon you’d been dating forever. Living together in Manhattan. Where it was harder to be alone and, at the time, really scary. You were both in a weird place. And even though you had doubts you just went along. With what was easy and comfortable.’
Lucy shook her head, like her body was trying to spur a counter-argument. Her brain didn’t get the message.
Kim went on, ‘With Sam you were friends. Good friends. There weren’t any arguments. It was relaxed, uncomplicated. But there was also no passion. No fire. It was safe. Easy.’
‘Jesus, Kim,’ Lucy griped.
Kim’s hand rested on Lucy’s arm before she continued, ‘Then with Devin, it wasallfire. He was there when you were lonely. He adored you, and the more difficult choice would have been to break it off when he wanted more. It would have been harder to say no when he asked you to marry him, even though deep down you knew that was probably the better course of action. It was easier to go along.’ Kim sighed before adding, ‘Be honest with yourself, Luce, if it had been you who was meant to do the asking, would you have proposed to any of them?’
Lucy’s stomach lurched at that. If she could have found the power of speech, she might have told Kim to stop. But she didn’t, so Kim carried on.
‘You cared for Devin and wanted him to be happy. You gave that to him even though it didn’t makeyouhappy. You never got bitter about Sam – though you had every right to – because James madehimhappy.’
Lucy was stunned. Hurt and embarrassed and angry about a thousand other things she didn’t have the strength or energy to put a name to.
‘What the actual fuck, Kim?’ Lucy spat. ‘That’s just fucking cruel—’
Kim’s voice raised to match Lucy’s. ‘Go ahead and get angry. I can take it. Honestly, I’m glad you’re pissed. I should have said something years ago. I was a fucking coward, okay? You have every right to be absolutely livid with me right now. But this right here,’ Kim said, waving her hand between the two of them. ‘Thisis forever. If you wake up with a dead hooker in your bed, I’ll be there with a shovel. You hear me? I love you, dammit.’
Lucy could only stare at the coffee table and sink under the weight of Kim’s damning assessment of every adult relationship she’d ever had.
‘Shit,’ she muttered.
She felt Kim rise from the sofa. Felt a warm cozy blanket being wrapped around her shoulders. Heard Kim whisper, ‘I’m sorry it took me so long, Lucy. I love you.’ Felt a kiss being pressed to the top of her head. Saw the lights go off around her. Heard Kim’s soft footsteps rise and fall and finally disappear entirely, leaving only cold, uncomfortable silence behind.
CHAPTER FORTY
NICKY
He had waited an excruciating number of hours. So many. But he was giving Lucy space. Knew she needed it.
Nicky hadn’t really expected her to jump up and down on the bed and declare her undying love when he’d asked her to come with him to Europe.Hoped, but not expected.
Earlier, he’d clicked off his phone’s shrieking reminder of the post-wedding brunch and had sat, dressed and vibrating with unspent energy, in his suite hoping (that fucking stupid hope again) that she would come knocking at the door.
She hadn’t.
At two o’clock he couldn’t take it anymore. Her flight was leaving at five.
