Page 88 of One More Time
Not like I feel for Nicky, her dumbass subconscious offered unhelpfully.
Lucy went on, ‘I’m sorry we didn’t work, Dev. I’m sorry that I hurt you. You have to believe; that was never my intention. I’m just … I’m just really fucking bad at relationships.’
I shouldn’t get within a hundred miles of a relationship. Obviously, I’m toxic.
Devin stared at her, assessing, his eyebrows scrunching up in thought.
Lucy tried, ‘I hope … Iknowthat there is a woman out there who is looking for you, Dev. You are funny, sweet, and kind. You’re a really good person.’ She teased tentatively, ‘When you’re not on the sauce.’
He cringed. ‘Iamkind of a lightweight. Never shoulda said any of that shit the other night, Lucy. I’m sorry.’
‘It’s all right. I get it. Water under the bridge, okay?’
He nodded. Then said, ‘I shouldn’t let this shit still get to me—’
‘No,’ Lucy insisted. ‘Don’t apologize for your feelings. And don’t beat yourself up for having them. Or for sharing them.’ She smiled. ‘Just maybe do it sober next time.’
‘Yeah,’ he replied, with another long look at his glass.
‘Are you okay? I mean, I know that you will be okay. And I know that my apology doesn’t really solve anything.’ Lucy sighed. She wanted to touch his arm, comfort him,but knew it would be more helpful to her than him. ‘In the long-term I know you’ll be great. You know? You will. Right this minute though, are you okay?’
He nodded once, eyes still downcast, then took a deep breath and exhaled it roughly. ‘Yeah,’ he said finally.
Good. At least someone is.Lucy felt a headache coming on. A twist in her belly foreshadowed days of obsessing over all the ways she’d fucked things up. For Devin. For herself.
‘Better get back out there,’ he said, interrupting her existential meltdown.
This time, it was her turn to nod.
‘See ya around, Lucy.’
‘Yeah, Dev. See you around.’
Lucy watched Devin’s retreating form as he was swallowed up by the crowd of mingling guests. She was so focused on him, and the ever-widening pit in her stomach, that she didn’t notice her ex-husband Sam until he was right beside her.
‘Hey,’ he said, smoothing the facial hair that he’d insisted he hated until he married James who, apparently, loved it.
‘Oh fuck,’ Lucy grumbled. ‘Do you have something to unburden yourself with, too? Go ahead. Tell me how I screwed everything up betweenus.’
‘Wow,’ Sam quipped with a smile, holding his hands up in surrender. ‘I actually came over on the hunt for extra napkins.’ He reached behind Lucy to a cart of silverware and straws and, yes, napkins.
‘Shit, I’m sorry,’ Lucy said.
‘Everything okay?’
‘Yeah, just … Devin.’ And about a million other things. ‘I’m a disaster.’
Sam smiled.
Stupid friendly Sam and his stupid friendly smile. Ugh.
‘Hey,’ he said, resting a hand on her shoulder. ‘It’s a wedding. What’s a wedding without little disasters happening quietly in the background all over the place?’ He waved the stack of napkins in his hand. ‘I spilled red wine all over Aunt Glinda.’
Lucy cringed. ‘Yikes.’
‘Well, it only happened because she grabbed my ass as I was sitting down, so I think that’s on her disaster count, not mine.’
A smile broke on Lucy’s face before she could hold it back.
