Page 79 of One More Time
Maybe Chloe really needed to hear something from Lucy, was nervous and worried about her future with Chandler and how to make it work. Shit.
‘Um,’ Lucy began, searching her mind for some sage words of wisdom. When none came, she said, ‘I think listening is important.’
That was true. Okay, score one for Mom.
Lucy continued, ‘Not justhearing, but listening. Without judgment or trying to come up with responses or retorts. Especially in a disagreement. Save the replies for after your brain has had time to process.
‘In that same vein, you always hear “never go to bed angry.” Well, that’s a crock of shit. Sometimes if you don’t go to bed angry you don’t really give yourself time to think things through, to come at them from a different angle that’s clearer in a new day. Sometimes trying not to go to bed angry just means that things aren’t really settled, only glossed over. The compromises can make you resentful. And resentments grow over time.’
‘This is good, Mom,’ Chloe said with a smile.
‘Thanks.’
‘Anything else?’
Lucy inhaled deeply. Tried not to choke on the emotion that welled up. ‘I just want you to be happy,’ she said. ‘Really, truly, bone-deep happy.’
‘I am,’ Chloe said. And Lucy believed her.
Lucy added, ‘Just know that if that changes, for whatever reason, that it’s a problem. Maybe not a terminal one – marriage counseling is a thing for a reason. But you shouldn’t just live with it. For fear of failure or expectations or any other reason. Okay?’
‘Okay.’
‘Promise?’
‘Yeah,’ Chloe said, smiling at Lucy in the mirror. ‘I promise.’
‘Good,’ Lucy said. ‘Now, surely it’s been thirty minutes?’
‘Probably. Plus,’ she added, bringing a strand of gloppy, white-painted hair to her nose. ‘I think my mayonnaise is turning.’ She sniffed again. ‘God, do you think it’s Miracle Whip?’
Chloe stood, headed to the adjoining section of the bathroom with the shower and toilet. Then she stopped. ‘I just want you to know that I want you to be happy, too.’
‘Thanks, Clo. I am.’
Chloe’s gaze grew pointed, serious. ‘With Nick, you are.’
Lucy sighed, trying to formulate a response that was at least part truth. ‘I am. But another thing you should know is that sometimes that’s not enough.’
‘Explain that to me, Miss Bone-Deep Happiness,’ Chloe said, cocking her head with attitude.
‘Our lives are completely different. There’s no path to even being on the same continent, Chloe. We had … have …hadhistory that made this all a bit …morethan what it would have been if we’d just met for the first time.’
‘What kind of history?’
‘The complicated kind. It was high school, but also not. And …’Jesus, it’s almost impossible to explain without actuallyexplaining. What is going on with Nicky is so singular.‘It doesn’t matter. Just know that I am happy now. And I will be again, even if Nick Broome isn’t in my life.’
Saying the words gave her a physical pain in her chest, sharp like a stab wound.Oh God, this time it’s really a heart attack, right?
No, as she rubbed at the spot, the pain faded. What was left was an aching sort of void.
‘I’m only dropping this because I am currently a ham salad,’ Chloe said. ‘Consider it to be continued.’
Chloe padded into the next room, and closed the door. A moment later, Lucy heard the shower running and began the arduous task of un-mayonnaise-ing the place.
As Lucy swiped at the greasy blobs, she mentally replayed her words to Chloe – about listening.
She had felt a shift between her and Nicky. From the uncomplicated fun of a short-term fling, to what felt like the building blocks of something more lasting. The elements were the same in a practical sense – the laughter, the sex, the talking – but entirely different in value and intent. Nicky didn’t seem to simply listen to facts about Lucy and her life, he seemed to memorize and store them. Like he was laying them down as the first crucial course of bricks in a tower.
