Page 45 of Playing the Field
We arm ourselves with piping bags filled with white icing and it quickly becomes apparent that the lines of a football pitch are much easier to draw than the words on a football shirt. While mine are not perfect, you can tell what they’re meant to be. His letters not only smudge in the not-yet-dried purple undercoat, but he runs out of space when he’s only written Crawfo. I’m not sure which of us is laughing harder when he reluctantly admits it could have gone better.
‘I think I might have a solution,’ I tell him when I’ve finally caught my breath enough to speak. ‘Just run a line up there and you can turn the o into a d. Then it’s kind of an abbreviation.’
He takes my advice then says, ‘I know it’s probable insanity but I kind of want to put the logo underneath.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘It can’t make it worse.’
But he’s quite wrong about that. His phoenix has me clutching my sides again. ‘It looks like a snowman!’
‘All right, Picasso. It’s an artistic interpretation. Let’s see how your ball and goals turn out before you get too cocky.’
I’m making the ball out of marzipan then coating it with white icing and using the blue food colouring to paint on the pattern. The goals I make by piping a grid of icing on to a sheet of baking paper, curling it slightly then sticking it in the freezer. I have no idea if it will work but if it doesn’t it will at least give Ben some ammunition to get me back with.
When we finally stand the finished cakes side by side– I don’t know if my goalposts will last overnight but for now they’re standing up– Ben folds his arms, purses his lips and glances at me. ‘Can I give myself nine out of ten for effort?’
I slide my arm round his waist and grin up at him. ‘We could just pretend someone’s kid made it.’
‘But then who would collect the prize when it wins?’
‘I hate to break this to you, but it’s not going to win.’
‘But Marge is judging and she loves an underdog.’
‘Tell you what, between you and me, whichever one gets eaten first tomorrow can be our personal winner.’
‘Are we allowed to buy slices of our own cake?’
‘No.’
‘Bribe some of the team to buy slices?’
‘No!’
He reluctantly agrees that we’ll leave who wins to fate.
I tell him I’m going to post a picture of mine in the Crawford United fan forum. ‘If they see how low I’ve set the bar, it might inspire other people to reach for their aprons.’
But when I reach for my phone and pull up the site, there’s a nasty surprise waiting. Ben watches the colour drain from my face as I follow a link that’s been shared to an opinion piece in the sports section of one of the national papers. It basically debates whether the club is taking the opportunity it’s been given seriously, in light of the video clips I’ve shared online from the foot golf, rounders day and park games. It ends with the suggestion that we might be better at drinking than we are at football– and that’s aimed at both the managers and the players.
‘This is so unfair.’ I turn to Ben, who’s moved in beside me so he can read it over my shoulder. ‘I was just trying to make us more relatable when I posted those reels.’
‘Try not to take it to heart– it’s just one person’s opinion,’ he soothes.
But when he reaches across and scrolls down to the comments, his brow furrows as the first one turns out to be a snarky remark about us teaching our players the wrong sport and the next suggests we might have been better off starting a brewery rather than a football club.
My frustration boils over. ‘They’ve literally ignored all the hard work everyone has poured into making this happen and made us look really unprofessional. This could really screw us over at the fundraiser tomorrow. Who’s going to come and donate if they think we’re just doing this to amuse ourselves?’
‘People will come– a lot of them won’t even see this. And of those who do, don’t forget there’s every chance they’ll react the same way you and I have and dismiss it as rubbish.’
He’s right of course, but it still troubles me. I’m annoyed with myself for not realising this might provoke a backlash. In future I won’t be so naïve. ‘I just want tomorrow to go well. It’s our chance to really promote Crawford and to celebrate it.’
‘Just focus on how good it’s going to feel when the season starts and you prove this guy wrong,’ Ben advises.
But his article keeps me awake long into the night. I can only hope tomorrow demonstrates how committed we are to making the club a success.
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