Page 60 of A Life Imagined
“Was there pain?”
“No.”
The nurse bent to retrieve the tray that had fallen.“I should’ve asked.Things have been so chaotic today.Do you have a phobia of needles or any medical trauma?We can offer a sedative.”
“No,” Rayan replied carefully.“I’m fine.”
It had been years, but Mathias could still conjure the look on Rayan’s face when the doctor had dug the forceps into his shoulder.He could still recall the twisted cry that had torn from the man’s throat.
“Take the sedative, Rayan.”
Rayan’s eyes met his, and he gave a resigned nod.
“All right,” the nurse said and turned to Mathias.“You can come and see him when we’re done.”
Mathias went outside to smoke.His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out to see a message from Elise asking if everything was all right.He ignored it and tossed the butt of his cigarette into a nearby receptacle.By the doors to the emergency department, a woman paced the pavement, wailing in a foreign language.When he was allowed back in to see Rayan, the man sported a white bandage on his forehead, and there was a soft plane to his features.
“He’s a little out of it.Give him about twenty minutes for the sedative to wear off, and then you can go.No driving, though,” the nurse instructed before drawing the curtain behind her and disappearing into the room beyond.
“Does it hurt?”Mathias asked.
Rayan shook his head groggily and reached up to touch his neck, where the scar stretched across his throat.
That was when Mathias understood.“Not a fan of hospitals, I take it?”
Rayan dropped his hand, and Mathias brought his fingertips to the scar.“Is this why she left him?”
It was a long time before Rayan spoke.“Child protection showed up at the ED afterward.They made it clear if she wanted to keep us, she couldn’t stay.”There came a shout from the cubicle next door, and then a baby’s high-pitched squall filled the room.“If it hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t have left, and she wouldn’t have ended up on her own.”Rayan swallowed hard.“It was too much.She couldn’t handle it.That’s why—”
“You don’t know why,” Mathias interjected with a shake of his head.“You’ll never know why.”
“If we’d stayed, maybe things would’ve been different.”
All this time, has he blamed himself?
Mathias moved his fingers to the hollow of Rayan’s neck.“She did a brave thing, Rayan.She got you out.”She’d done it to protect him, a feat not all mothers were capable of.Just look at my own.“And you can try to rearrange the past, but there’s nothing you could’ve done to make it any different.”
“I don’t know if I believe that,” Rayan said, his voice barely a whisper.
“It’s true, whether you believe it or not.”
Rayan looked up at him, his eyes still hazy.Around them, the room clamored with voices and beeps and the hum of machines.Mathias didn’t move his hand from Rayan’s neck, the man’s steady pulse beating against his fingers.
Rayan stood under the hot water in the shower for a long time, watching the trickle of red at his feet run clear.He hadn’t realized how much blood had caked onto his skin.It was a relief to be rid of it.As he dressed, he was careful not to make any sudden movements.His temple throbbed.The nurse had given him some pills for the pain, but he’d held off on taking them.He felt woozy enough from the sedative and needed a chance to get his bearings.
When Rayan came downstairs, he found Mathias on the sofa in the living room, nursing a glass of scotch while the news flashed on the television.He’d been quiet on the drive back to the house, and Rayan could imagine he didn’t appreciate the way his day had derailed into chaos.
“Well, you got your international incident,” Mathias remarked.
Rayan stared at the images on the screen—the cops in riot gear, the black smoke rising from the camp, the mess of destruction left behind.In the ticker tape along the bottom of the segment were a series of condemnations from international aid groups, politicians, and celebrities.
“What a mess,” Rayan murmured.He sank down into a chair, and Mathias raised the remote to turn off the TV.
“They’re saying it’s only a matter of time before they’re back for the rest,” Mathias said, lifting his glass.“Surely, you knew that was coming.”
The Jungle was done for.The writing had been on the wall for a while.They’d just been too stubborn to see it.Rayan thought of all the people he saw each day at the service office.What will happen to them now?
“When they tear down the camp, there’ll be nowhere for the residents to go.”
