Page 26 of A Life Imagined
Mathias resurfaced to find a bundle of yellow bobbing beside him.His shoulder brushed against something solid, and then two small hands, the nails like claws, dug into his arm.Mathias grabbed the back of the life vest and pulled it up above the water.
It contained not one but two small children.The vest had been tied around them both in a crude attempt at protection.They clutched at him, gasping and spluttering, as Mathias attempted to keep their heads above the waves.
He scoured the ocean around him for any sign of Rayan, but it was almost impossible to see in the darkness.Hampered by the weight of the children clinging to his neck, he had no choice but to head back.Mathias fought a choking fear as he turned and began to make his way toward the shore.
He staggered onto the beach, panting.His lungs burned.Neither child had loosened their grip, and two pairs of brown eyes stared up at him, wide and glittering.Then he’d heard a series of yelps, and a frantic man with tears streaming down his face had hurtled toward them.
The children pushed against him, squirming for Mathias to let them go.He lowered them to the sand, and the man scooped them up, sobbing into their hair.The father wrestled the children from their shared life vest and Mathias saw they were both girls, long wet hair sticking to the backs of their dresses.
When he looked up, Rayan was hurrying toward him.He was soaked through, and his face was lined with concern.“Are you all right?”Rayan asked.
Mathias could barely hide the relief that surged through him.It was supplanted by an immediate rush of anger.“What the fuck were you thinking?”he growled, torn by the conflicting impulses to knock Rayan to the ground and crush him to his chest.
But before Rayan could answer, the father stood and began gesturing wildly at the sea and the other migrants gathered on the sand.Despite being reunited with his daughters, he didn’t look any less panicked.He called out hoarsely in a language Mathias didn’t understand.
“Mama!”One of the girls began to scream, ragged and piercing.“Mama!”
Mathias felt a dread in the pit of his stomach as he watched Rayan’s face slacken and his eyes go dull.
“Mama!”
The sound seemed to rise above the rumble of the ocean, a single hollow point of pain.Rayan turned and took off toward the water.Mathias lunged forward and grabbed his arm, pulling him back.
In the distance, he could hear the approaching wail of emergency sirens drowning out the muffled cries of the people on the beach.Yet Rayan wouldn’t relent.He struggled against Mathias’s grip with an inhuman strength, like he would have torn off his own arm to break free.
“She’s still out there—”
Mathias yanked him hard.“Listen, you hear that?”The sirens were louder now, and he could see the first police car pulling up along the shorefront.“That’s the cops.We can’t afford to be here right now.Do you understand?We need to go.”
Rayan froze, his expression torn.He knew as well as Mathias that no good would come from them drawing the attention of the police.Mathias used the opportunity to drag him away from the family and back up to the road.
When they reached the car, Mathias looked down at the scene unfolding on the beach below.An ambulance and a second police car had joined the first, and several paramedics with thermal blankets were rushing over to the huddles of people.Out in the water, he could see the floodlights of an approaching coast guard ship.It would be searching for survivors.Or there to help recover bodies.
Mathias’s throat was raw, and his drenched skin felt like ice in the cold night air.Beside him, Rayan bent over, one hand pressed against the car for support, and retched up a stomachful of seawater.
Chapter Ten
Rayan recalled nothing from the short drive back to the house.It was as though he’d blinked and found himself standing at his front door.He felt like an empty husk, his body a collection of dead limbs.Once inside, Mathias kicked off his wet shoes in the entranceway while Rayan stood, making a puddle by the door.As Mathias removed his watch, the hands frozen in place beneath the glass face, Rayan was devoured by a searing black fury.
“What the fuck did you do that for?”
“You’re welcome,” Mathias shot back.His drenched hair was plastered against his forehead, and his face was an angry mask.“Someone had to stop you from getting yourself killed.”
“If it meant I could’ve saved their mother—”
“It would’ve been worth it?”Mathias hissed.“To whom?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“I understand perfectly,” Mathias snarled.“You think I don’t know what this is about—the center, working at the camp?This is all some fucked-up moral tally.You figure if you help enough people, you’ll break even.Tell me, Rayan, how many more lives do you have to save to live with yourself?”
Rayan blinked, floored by his own transparency.“Fuck you,” he spat.“This isn’t about me.”
His whole body hurt, and his mind swirled as if it, too, had been tossed about in the surf like a rag doll.He couldn’t get the little girl’s cries out of his head.
“I saw the look on your face,” Mathias said, an edge to his voice.
Rayan had felt it—the familiar helplessness.Forced once again to stand back and watch someone slip away.It seemed Mathias was about to say more, but he pressed his lips together.Then he shook his head and began walking down the hall.Rayan was about to lose it.The anguish clawed out from inside him, refusing to be ignored.
