Page 54 of A Life Imagined
Mathias stood mutely, unable to conjure a response.Here was someone who had chosen him and, despite Mathias’s best efforts to push him away, had stayed.
A look of resignation came over Rayan’s face.“But if it’s what you want, I won’t stop you.”
And Mathias knew he meant it.Rayan would watch him pack his bag and go back to Montreal if that was what he decided to do.That was what Mathias would be giving up if he left—the only person who truly gave a damn.
Mathias let his hands drop from the suitcase.His loyalty to the family, once a solid, irrefutable fact, withered in comparison.Having known something better, he could now see that what he’d held onto had been a hollow substitute.
Rayan woke in the middle of the night to find the bed beside him empty.Mathias had spent the evening holed up in the study, and Rayan thought it best to leave the man alone.He’d assumed Mathias was catching up on news of the developing situation, if only to better make sense of what had happened.
The images of Montreal on the television screen had been shocking.They’d made the right choice getting out when they did.He thought of having to watch those scenes from his apartment in Toronto, not knowing if Mathias was alive or dead and imagining the worst.Rayan had headed to bed on his own, figuring Mathias would eventually join him.But by the look of the undisturbed covers, that hadn’t happened.
He got out of bed and threw on some clothes then made his way downstairs.There was a light on in the kitchen, and he found Mathias sitting at the counter staring into a half-full glass of scotch.Mathias wasn’t one to be kept awake by errant thoughts, yet here he was, up in the small hours of the night, drinking.Since moving to France, Mathias had reached less frequently for his signature bottle of Macallan.
Rayan brought a hand to the base of Mathias’s neck, and the man leaned into his touch.He combed his fingers through Mathias’s hair, gently massaging his scalp.“What’s on your mind?”
Mathias let out a sigh.“By the end of it, I hated the old man’s guts.So I don’t know why…” He stopped, his forehead furrowing.He lifted his glass and downed the rest of his drink then placed it on the counter with a purposeful thud.“It’s the end of an era of greats—Russo, Tony, Giovanni—”
“You.”
Mathias turned to look at him.“I wouldn’t count myself among them.”
Rayan dropped his hand to Mathias’s shoulder.“I was there.You’d walk into a room, and the air would shift.”
Mathias shook his head with a small smile.It was true.The old guard had hated how much clout he’d had for someone who wasn’t full-blooded.Men on the ground, out in the streets, respected him.And it had always shown.
“You miss it,” Rayan said quietly.
Mathias frowned and looked away.“The higher I got, the more I realized how precarious it all was.Walking the wire, trying to anticipate from which direction someone would come at you.”
“Is that why Giovanni thought you were after his job?”
“The paranoia got to him.”
“Was it ever something you wanted?”Rayan asked, almost afraid of the answer.“Maybe not then but someday?”
Mathias was silent for a moment.“It might have been.”
Since their hurried exit from Montreal, Rayan had thought a lot about what might have happened if things had played out differently.Mathias had it in him to lead the family, but if he’d succeeded Giovanni, there was no version of that reality where he and Rayan could have occupied the same world.
“If you’d become boss, you never would have gotten out.”
Mathias held his gaze as though he, too, understood the full implication of that decision.Rayan stepped over to the cabinet above the sink and took down another glass.He picked up the bottle of scotch and poured some into both glasses then held his glass aloft.
“To the greats.”
Mathias raised his glass, and the two of them knocked back the liquor.It rushed hot and searing down Rayan’s throat, and he resisted the urge to cough.Mathias chuckled, giving him a knowing look.Then he stood and pulled Rayan close.Rayan looped his arms around Mathias’s neck and breathed him in.He was well aware of what Mathias had given up—was giving up—for him.
“Come to bed.”Rayan tilted his chin to kiss Mathias, the taste of scotch lingering on his lips.
In bed, Rayan let himself be lulled by the even sound of Mathias’s breathing as he drifted off to sleep.Still, a wisp of fear remained.He’d told Mathias he wouldn’t stop him from going back, but that was a half-truth.Rayan would do everything in his power to hold him in place like an anchor—tether the man to him so he wouldn’t be tempted to return to the darkness.
Chapter Nineteen
Asmarina beckoned Rayan over when he arrived at the service office the following afternoon.A donated shipment of medical supplies had arrived at the camp earlier in the week, and Rayan had been working with several residents to get access to medication.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you…” Her lips pursed, and tiny lines appeared around the corners of her mouth.“Laurent heard back from the council.They voted against the proposal.”
“Right.”
