Page 76 of A Series of Rooms
It wasn’t the honesty he was expecting, but it only drove Liam’s urgency. “We could figure something out,” he promised. “I know my mom would be okay with it, even if it’s just for a little while, and then we could figure out something after that. I want to help you, Jonah. I want you to be safe.”
“I can’t do that, Liam.” Jonah angled his body toward him under the cover of the blanket, softening the blow of his gentle rejection. “I don’t want to be something you have to ‘figure out.’”
“I didn’t mean that—” Liam began, but Jonah shook his head.
“Sorry,” Jonah said. “No, I know you didn’t. I didn’t mean for it to sound that way. It’s hard to put into words.” Liam waited patiently as he took a breath and started again. “You’ve done so much for me already. You helped me when I had no way of repaying you, but I don’t want that to be the dynamic between us anymore.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” Liam whispered. “I know it’s selfish. I don’t have any right to make demands on your life, and I’ll completely understand if you want, or need, a clean break from... from all of this, but I...”
I love you.
The words caught in his throat. Not because they weren’t true, but because theywere.He had known it for a while now, and there was no doubt in his mind as the words clicked into place. They still had a long way to go in getting to know each other, and Liam wanted nothing more than to have thechance to do just that. But dropping that declaration on him now might have swayed a decision that should have been all Jonah’s.
Before he could think of a way to reroute his sentence, Jonah’s warm hand closed over his, gripping tight.
“I don’t want to lose you either,” he said. “That’s what I’m trying to say.”
“It is?” He didn’t even care that he sounded pathetically relieved.
Jonah smiled. “Rather poorly, it would seem,” he said. “But yes.”
They turned to each other, closing the huddle of their blanket even tighter around them. For a brief flash, Jonah’s eyes dipped to Liam’s mouth, and Liam was sure he was about to kiss him. Instead, Jonah dipped his chin to hide his face away.
“Liam,” he said. “I don’t know how any of this is going to play out. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when I get to Indiana, or if I’m making the right decision by going in the first place, and I’m—” He stopped to breathe, closing his eyes for a few seconds. “My whole life is a mess, and I don’t know how much I have to offer you. I don’t know if I can be what you want me to. Yet. Ever. I don’t know. I don’tknow.”
“Hey,” Liam interjected. “Just take a breath.”
Jonah struggled to comply. It reminded Liam of the string of nights he had spent coaxing Jonah out of night terrors, slowly bringing him back to earth. Jonah had one fistclutched around the edge of the blanket, the other tangled in the front of Liam’s shirt.
“I just don’t want to lead you on,” he said desperately. “Or string you along, or...”
“You’re not.” Liam shook his head firmly. “You aren’t doing any of that. The fact that you want to be in my life at all is more than I could ask for.” He dipped his head to the side, trying to catch Jonah’s eyes. “Hey, you’re my friend first. Okay? The best one I’ve ever had. Anything else...” He waved his free hand in front of him. “We’ve got time to figure out the rest.”
Jonah nodded, and Liam could see the desperation with which he clung to Liam’s words.
“What if I’m not okay?” Jonah asked. “What if I’m not okay for a long time?”
Liam tilted his head, resting it against Jonah’s temple.
“I’m not timing you,” he promised. “But youwillbe okay. And I’ll be here for you while you get there. Call me. Text me. I’ll invest in a carrier pigeon or tie two cups together with a really, really long string. Whatever.”
Jonah smiled, and it was contagious.
“And you know what?” Liam couldn’t help but add. “I can come visit. I happen to have accumulated a lot of hotel points over the past few months. Like, alotof hotel points.”
A warm puff of breath that might have been laughter tickled Liam’s skin. A second later, a tiny pinprick of cold stung his cheek, then another. Liam blinked and lifted hishead to find the sky speckled with falling snow. He chose to take that as a good omen.
A quick peek at his phone confirmed that it was after midnight now. Christmas Day.
“Would it be alright if I hugged you?” he asked Jonah, who nodded like he had only been waiting on the invitation.
Liam pulled him in tight, escaping into the warmth and solidity of his body. He never wanted to let go.
CHAPTER 35
Jonah
JANUARY
