Page 66 of A Series of Rooms
Ellis’s eyes fell shut. “I can’t tell you that,” he said. “I’m off the case—I compromised my cover, and I don’t regret it—but the investigation is still ongoing.”
To his horror, Jonah felt the sharp prickle of oncoming tears and tried to blink them away.
“For what it’s worth,” Ellis said, “there wasn’t a moment of what happened to you that I didn’t detest.”
“It’s worth nothing,” Jonah spat. “You sat there every night while it happened. You drove me there, to all of them, you...” His voice broke off, but he was too angry to be embarrassed. “You saw what I... when I got in your car every night, yousaw.”
Something fierce flashed behind the older man’s eyes. “I was doing the job that I was given, in hopes that we would save hundreds of lives in the long run. I did what I could within my tight limitations. It was never enough to make itbetter, I know that, but I never tried to make it any worse. I... I never touched you,” he finished weakly.
Jonah scoffed, a bitter, hateful sound that cut through the sterile room. “You think that absolves you? That you didn’t try to fuck me, you think that makes you ahero?”
Ellis was shaking his head before Jonah finished speaking. “No,” he said. “I don’t.”
“You...” Jonah began, but he trailed off, a chill settling over him at his sudden realization. He looked at Marcus—at Ellis, at Marcus—trying to spot the lie. “No.” He shook his head. “You’re not a cop. You can’t be. You’re lying. The body. You... The man I...” Jonah squeezed his eyes shut, trying to push away the memory of a hotel room covered in blood. “He was dead, and you helped Shepard get rid of a body. You wouldn’t do that if you were a cop.”
Ellis sat back in his chair, scraping a palm roughly over his stubble. “There was no body, Jonah,” he whispered. “You never killed anyone.”
The world tilted off its axis. Jonah stared at him, willing the words to converge into some sort of sense.
“What?” The word left him in a breath.
“Henry Becker is alive,” Ellis said.No. No. No, no, no.“He was injured, yes. But Shepard had more than enough dirt on him to keep his mouth shut, and it kept the incident away from the police. I...” He paused, looking at Jonah then away. “Helped convince Shepard it was wise to keep him away from you, going forward.”
Jonah couldn’t breathe. “It was your idea?”
“To fabricate a murder to hold over you? No. That was him,” he said. “But I couldn’t stop him.”
“Bullshit,” Jonah snapped. He almost thought he saw Ellis flinch. “You act like you were helpless, but you could havedonesomething.”
“It’s not that I didn’t try,” Ellis admitted. “I brought it to my higher-ups. I asked for a way to get you out of there, to find some sort of legal recourse that wouldn’t compromise the investigation. But I was building Shepard’s trust, and doing that was the only way to get closer to his circle. Sabotaging his twisted fucking operation would have raised too many flags. And even if I managed to get you out...”
“There would have been someone to take my place,” Jonah finished flatly.
Ellis, at least, had the good grace to look ashamed. “It was always my plan to get you out, in the end,” he said. “I didn’t know when that would be, but I knew that when I was done with my assignment to Shepard, I was taking you with me.”
“A year,” Jonah said, the words cutting him on the way out. He had never spoken the quantity out loud. “A year of my life I spent under him. How much longer would it have taken? My court requirements were up after six months, and then he had blackmail to keep me around. It would have always been something. He would have kept it going until I was too fucked up to make him any money or I was dead.”
“I didn’t let him kill you,” Ellis asserted.
“Yeah,” Jonah said. “I hope that helps you sleep at night. Because if it’s absolution you came here looking for, you can’t have it.”
“I don’t expect you to forgive me.”
“I don’t.”
“That’s okay.” He was placating him, throwing kerosine on the fire.
“Then what are you doing here?” Jonah asked.
Ellis was quiet for a few moments. “You deserved to hear the truth from me. After everything, you...” he cleared his throat, keeping his eyes hidden. “Jonah, you deserve a lot more than any apology or explanation I could offer you. And I am sorry. I am so deeply sorry for everything that has happened to you, and everything I played a part in. And I will be, for as long as I live. I know it’s not enough, and it never will be, but I needed to be the one to tell you that you’re safe now.”
Safe. The temptation to let the word swallow him into its warm embrace was right there at the edge, like heat glowing off a fire onto outstretched, frozen fingertips. Ready to bring him in from the cold, if he let it. Jonah hadn’t felt safe in a long time. A part of him knew he might not ever again. What Ellis was offering him was a cruel lie.
Jonah closed his eyes. He used the silence to draw in a few deep breaths, but on the third inhale, his injured throat spasmed, sending him into a coughing fit.
In his periphery, Ellis rose from his chair and crossed the room. He returned to Jonah’s side moments later with a paper cup of water.
With little room for rejection, Jonah took it in his trembling hands and pressed the rim to his lips. The cold water was soothing. He drank slowly until the cup was empty and his coughing subsided.
