Page 39 of Foul Territory
“I don’t recall promising anything. Even if I did, I think I’m owed one or two of my own promises to break,” I snap.
Koa lets out a frustrated breath, and then takes my book selections out of my arms. “Are you getting anymore?” He gestures toward the rows of bookshelves we're standing in between.
I shake my head but he dips his chin giving me a knowing look. I glance around until I see another book that’s been on my list for awhile. He tracks where my eyes are zoned in on and picks up the book in question. I nod confirming my selection.
“Where are you going?” I ask when he starts walking away.
“To buy your books. Then I’m going to get you one of those sugar filled iced coffee drinks you like and we’re going to sit down and plan this party.”
“Give me those.” I reach for the books but he holds them over his head. “You are not buying my books.” I go to grab them again but he strong arms me this time, holding me back.
I cross my arms over my chest as we wait in line. He is so frustrating. Who does he think is? Barging into my life and buying me books. Showing up where I work and kissing me. I’ve tried my best to keep a safe distance between us but suddenly he’s everywhere.
I should not be thinking about Koa’s kisses whenever I have one—maybe two—other options in my life. Really good options actually. I still haven’t confirmed if Joe online is the same Joe on campus but I will. And if they are the same person, then that’s a great option.
I don’t understand why Joe hasn’t told me already. I have my first name displayed on my profile. He could ask and confirm it’s me but he hasn’t. He said he wants me to like him first. Little does he know, I already do.
Which should make being around Koa easier, but it doesn’t. Every time I’m near him it undoes any progress I’ve started to make with getting over him. It’s why I try to avoid him when I can and that only extends so far considering our friend group is so tightly woven.
It’s not that I don’t want to be around him. It’s that I can’t. I’m in self preservation mode. Then there are times I look at his face and see the boy I fell in love with. I step back in time and ask him to have lunch or hang out, and I completely forget how much he hurt me.
One more semester. If all goes right, that’s all I need to get through and then he’ll be off playing baseball and I’ll be in a new city starting over.
I’ve been lost in my thoughts for so long I didn’t notice Koa’s already tapped his credit card and is being handed a bag full of his purchases. He takes it from the clerk with a thank you and then ushers me toward the cafe located on the right side of the store.
“I can carry them,” I say, reaching my hand toward him. He glances at my palm before grunting.
“And let you slip out the door? I don’t think so. These are collateral. You can have them once we’re done.”
What am I doing? Why am I still here? I didn’t pay for anything. I can buy them myself later. In fact, I can order them now, and they will be delivered to my dorm tomorrow.
“Are you coming?” he asks, realizing I’ve stopped following him.
“No, I don’t think I am.” I turn on my heel and start walking toward the door. I pull in a deep breath of fresh air as soon as I’m outside. This is what I needed. I can think clearly out here.
“Do you really hate me that much?” he asks. We’re separated by a few square blocks of concrete on the sidewalk. He clutches the handle on the shopping bag in one hand and his other is balled in a fist.
“I don’t hate you.” I mentally pat myself on the back for saying that without hesitation or emotion. He doesn’t get to know my true feelings for him.
“You can’t even be around me for more than five minutes anymore without running away.” He takes a step closer and I retreat one. That makes him grin as if I’m proving his point.
“I was at your house for dinner just last week,” I remind him.
“And you left as soon as you could.” He steps closer.
“I had to work as you know.” A flash of him kissing me pops into my head and I feel warmth spread through my cheeks.
“What are you thinking about?”
“How much I want you to leave me alone.”
“I’ll let you have that lie.” He smirks. “I can’t leave you alone." His tone of voice is too sincere for my liking. The old me would read into his words and believe that maybe there is more to what he's saying. He’s got me backed against the brick wall of the bookstore but at least he’s left some space between us this time.
“Well, I can’t keep doing this with you.”I can’t do anything with you.Koa’s brown eyes stare into mine.
“If this is about the other night, I’m sorry. It was a mistake to kiss you like that.”
I drop my head and stare at the concrete. I need a moment to compose myself before I go postal on Koa. “A mistake. That isn’t the first time you’ve said this to me. You should really get some new material.” I wish I could control my emotions but I’m afraid some of my anger slipped through my defenses.
