Page 88 of Kneeling for Them
“We weren’t too hard on you, even though we went easy?”I ask.
She shakes her head and nuzzles in closer to me.“No.It was…I’m not sure how to describe it.Cathartic?I felt like, in giving you control, I claimed back my power.Does that make sense?”
“I’ve heard it described that way before,” Kingston says.
“Well, I needed it.I knew I should’ve told you about the attack, and I would probably keep it to myself again in the same circumstance.But I felt guilty the whole time, and now…I feel absolved.”
“We always want to know,” I tell her.“You won’t feel like you have to choose between getting me back and telling us important things ever again.”
“Thank you, Daddies,” she whispers, then closes her eyes and falls asleep.
Ella
When I wake up in the early hours of the morning, Kingston is gone.Sebastian is sitting up in bed next to me, awake and looking at his phone.When I stretch, he murmurs, “Good morning, princess.”
“Good morning,” I say, rolling over to face him fully.I press a kiss to his elbow, the closest part of him I can reach.
He chuckles.“You’re such a sweetheart.”
His gaze flicks back to his phone screen, though, and a troubled wrinkle appears on his brow.
“Is everything okay in the world?”I ask.
“Yeah.Everything’s okay.I’m just…well, I’m working on a statement.”
It sounds ominous.At least, his tone does.“What kind of statement?”
“Well,” he says, “I’m going to go public with the story.Just…confess everything.”
“Confess everything?”My heart stops in my chest, going cold.
“Yeah.About that night.I’m tired of hiding it all.”
“You can’t do that,” I say.“It’ll ruin you.”
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t change what happened, but at least I’m not getting away with a heinous crime.”
“A crime you don’t even remember!”I sit up and tug the sheets around my chest and waist.This doesn’t feel like a naked conversation.
He can’t do this—he’ll lose everything.Worst of all, he’ll lose the respect of people who’ve looked up to him for years and years.If he really, truly assaulted that woman, then he deserves public censure, if not worse.But as of right now, I’m not entirely convinced it even happened.Kingston has said he doesn’t trust Trina.Sebastian doesn’t even trust Trina anymore.But everyone’s swallowing her story?Are theythatreluctant to talk about this one hurtful event from seven years ago?
Bullshit.
He says, “It doesn’t matter whether I remember it or not—I need to get it out in the open so I can move past it.”
“That makes no sense,” I say.“Why?Why do you need to do that?”
“Because I fucking love you, okay?”he says.“I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want you to be scared when you’re with me.If I get it all out, then maybe I can get some real help, or maybe you’ll…I don’t know.Maybe you’ll see that I’m not worth it.”
He loves me?My breath catches in my throat while my heart squeezes in on itself.
But of course he tells me this when we’re in the middle of an argument.Asshole.
“First of all, I’mnotscared when I’m with you,” I say.
He rubs his beard, uncomfortable.“Maybe you should be.”
“You still don’t believe I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt.”I can’t do this.I can’t stand the way he thinks about himself, the way he isn’t forgiving himself.Emotion jams my throat, making it hard to breathe.
