Page 81 of Roads Behind Us
“How the hell am I gonna explain to Athena that the reason her uncle dumped his kid on us is that he feels like it’s his fault her mama and brother died?”
I didn’t have a good answer for that, so I said nothing.
We’d made our way upstairs, and I helped Bax out of his sweatshirt and T-shirt because they had been covered in dirt and leaf debris still. I grabbed a clean white tee from his drawer, and now we lay on his bed, side by side on top of the covers, staring at the ceiling.
I was so fucking far out of my depth. I had no clue what to say or do.
I had zero experience with a big family. And even less with babies.
And Bax and I weren’t a couple. Not a solid one. We hadn’t talked about kids, other than Athena.
Now that I knew about Duo, I realized Bax had been avoiding the subject completely. Everything made sense now; he’d opened up to me, but I’d still known something was missing. And now I knew what it was.
What exactly did he want me to do in this situation? But I wasn’t sure he had the answer to that question either.
I wanted to be with Bax like I couldn’t remember ever wanting anyone, but I wouldn’t give up my job for a man. I couldn’t. Not again. And now there was a baby?
Oh God. How had I ended up here?
Oh yeah, that’s right. You’re in this mess because of your damn hormones, you idiot. You should’ve stayed at the cabin and braved the goddamn bears by yourself.
“I think Athena’s old enough to understand drug addiction,” Bax said. “They talk to the kids about it at school, and she and I have talked about her uncle. And she can understand abandonment, but the rest will break her heart. I can’t tell her that.”
Bax grew quiet. When I turned on my side and looked at him, I saw the war going on inside his head. I could only imagine the thoughts fighting for dominance up there.
My own thoughts weren’t much calmer.
Abandonment wasn’t something felt only by people who’d been left on purpose. I felt it every day after Mama passed. I’d screamed and cried and begged God to tell me why she’d left me. Why he’d taken her. And after my dad, it got worse, which was probably the reason I’d ended up married to someone I’d never really loved. Not like I loved Bax.
“What’re you thinkin’?” he whispered.
“Just thinkin’ about my parents.”
“I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this,” he said, and he rolled onto his side and faced me.
“Oh, it’s… It’s fine.”
His laugh lacked humor. “You wanna run, don’t you? Go back to Sheridan as fast as you can?”
My mouth popped open to respond to his question, but nothing came out.
The situation was fucked up, that was for sure, but I didn’t want to run away. When I tried to picture getting in my truck and leaving, a sickening feeling filled my body. I couldn’t leave Bax and Athena. Not like this.
It hurt to even think about.
Still wrapped up in thought, Bax rolled onto his back again. “Shit. Brand. Somebody needs to call him.”
“I will,” I said. It seemed I needed to talk to my boss too.
“Thank you. I’ll call him soon, but I… I dunno what to tell him right now.”
“It’s okay. I’ll call him now.”
Bax nodded, but he didn’t say anything more, and I got up and left the room quietly. Downstairs, Merv and Athena were still enamored with Stu. They both stared at him, but he hadn’t moved since Bax and I had gone upstairs.
As I walked into the kitchen and headed toward the door, Abey stood and followed. “You okay?” she asked.
I turned to face her. “Me? Oh yeah, I’m…”
