Page 71 of The Care of Broken Things
“You could have died,” was what Eli said when he tried to protest. “Do you realize that? And I might never have found your body.”
He knew that was the truth, but the way Eli said it was hardly fair. Of course he’d realized it, but it was The Android who had come far closer to dying, and no one was giving him credit for saving him. Even Nat, who had the most to lose, seemed, well, if not angry athim, then upset about the outcome in general.
“And what about when he gets out of prison?” the man demanded at least once a day. “Who’s to stop him from making another attempt?”
“He’s not getting out,” Eli told him. “He’ll be sent to Supermax in his own cell with no access to anyone else. The Warden said so, because he’d be killed if he were allowed to mingle with the prison population.”
“I don’t see why they care about lives all of a sudden when they were perfectly happy to dangle Samuel in front of that monster.” And when Nathaniel said things like that it was with so much heat Samuel was afraid the phone receiver would meltin his hand. He wished it wouldn’t bother Nathaniel so much. He’d already been forced to deal with Eli’s glutening. It didn’t seem fair to put anything else on him. But Nathaniel didn’t see it as a burden—more like a righteous calling. Because whenever he wasn’t talking to them or being forced by Jenny to snatch a few moments of sleep, he was neck deep in The Android’s trial. It hadn’t happened yet, but it would, and it wasn’t just going to be about Samuel. There were three other people who’d been targeted by The Android. The first was The Android's sister, who would be a key witness in the upcoming trial. The second had been an army private who'd trained with The Android back when they’d been in the reserves. And the third was a prisoner from a different prison—the prison The Android had been transferred away from when that prison’s warden had been too chicken shit to have him arrested. And Nathaniel had uncovered all of it. The Android had been careful, but not everything in his life could be hidden, and Nathaniel had followed every glimmering trace and dug up all that was rotting underneath. The evidence had actually come right on the eve of Eli’s glutening, an unfortunate coincidence that had temporarily averted Nathaniel’s attention away from his research. But there was nothing to distract him now. Or rather, there were still distractions, but Nathaniel was a bloodhound, and he wouldn’t be turned away from his holy work until The Android’s fate was sealed, though that wouldn’t take much longer. The Android was behind bars already, and likely to stay there for the rest of his life.
What surprised Samuel most was just how little he was interested in all of it. That hadn’t been the case at first, of course. It had been all he could think about for the first couple of days. But once the warden had personally assured him that Eli would in no way be implicated, he found he could let go of the worry entirely, though everyone was still trying to give him assurances. “We’d revolt,” Rat told him, and every one of the faces crowded around his bed in medical noddedtheir agreement. “If they tried anything—if they even looked at him funny—we’d bring hellfire down on this place. We’ve got weapons and plans and more than enough enthusiasm, so just let them try to pull something. We dare them.”
But he didn’t need their plans because he had one of his own. And when the guard finally unlocked the doors after lights-on, he slipped out of his bed and went to the phones. His father picked up on the second ring. “Samuel,” Jethro said, just like the last time. But Samuel wasn’t the person he’d been during that last phone call, and this time there was no hesitation in his voice.
“I need you to get him out.”
He knew his father wouldn’t have to ask who “him” was, but Jethro Fuller never let someone else lead a conversation.
“How’s your shoulder?”
From other fathers, that might have been concern, but Jethro also wasn’t in the habit of letting a mistake go by without pointing it out.
“On the mend,” he answered, hoping that would be the end of it. “Can you get Eli out?”
“Your sister hasn’t slept in days. Aren’t you a little old to still be playing this game with her?”
His hand made a reflexive motion, ready to slam the phone back into its cradle, but he’d been prepared for that accusation too. It was why he was holding one of Nathaniel’s letters in his hand. He looked down at it, took a breath, and pressed the phone back to his ear.
“I should know better. I’m trying to know better.” He knew that wasn’t good enough. Admitting a mistake had never been enough to satisfy Jethro. But he had to begin somewhere. “When you were my age, you were already supporting a family—a proper provider. And I know I’ve been doing the opposite, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it when people suffer for me.I feel it, and I hate it. I’ve always hated it. And knowing I’ll fuck up more in the future isn’t any prize either. If there was a way to make it go away—to just erase myself from everyone’s lives I would have done it. I know it would have saved you a lot of trouble, and Jenny wouldn’t need meds to sleep. But I can’t do that without making it all worse. So when dying isn’t an option, and living seems unthinkable, what would you do if you knew that every morning you woke up alive, you’d be causing pain to someone who didn’t deserve it?”
He didn’t wait for an answer. After all, it hadn’t really been a question. He took another breath. “What I do is operate at the smallest net loss I can. But you—you can do more. You have power and money and respect. You can make a difference. So please, get Eli out of here. He has a husband. He has a daughter.”
“And you.”
He’d expected to have to do a lot more self-effacement before he heard an answer. “What?”
“You. He also has you.”
He thought it was another accusation. Another way of restating the problem. It wasn’t until later—years later—that he understood it might not have been.
“My lawyers are already familiar with the case,” Jethro continued. “And we’ve found some inconsistencies in some of the files—inconsistencies Andrew Bergin might have a difficult time explaining. They’ll have updates for me Monday, and if I can find a way to speed up the work, I will.”
He wasn’t sure what had gotten his father started on the case. Maybe it was just him being his usual controlling self. More likely it was Jenny who’d put a fire under him. She’d always been his weakness. The only person who ruled his heart even more than his wife did. But maybe it was really all due to Darren, who, according to Nathaniel’s reports, was steadily eating through the entire Fuller fortune. Whatever the reason,he didn’t care. He would have gladly gotten down on his knees to kiss Jethro’s feet.
“Thank you, father. I’ll pay you back somehow.”
He thought his father would scoff at that, but Jethro only said, “I’ll hold you to it,” and hung up.
In his bemused elation, he forgot to put the receiver back in its cradle and was yanked back violently when he tried to race away with it still clutched in his hand. It wrenched his shoulder, and he just hoped it hadn’t popped any stitches. He’d accidentally done that once already and thought Eli would birth a whole barnful of cows over it. There’d also been a threat to wrap him in a full body cast to keep him immobilized in his bed. But now he only gave the bandaging a careless pat and went back to racing away.
He knew he ought to wait for guarantees. It would be a terrible cruelty to get Eli’s hopes raised for nothing. But it wasn’t nothing. Whatever his faults, Jethro had never failed to come through on a promise, and he wouldn’t fail on this. It might take a few months, but it would be done. And then—oh, he couldn’t stop picturing it. The look on Nat’s face. Shock, of course. And disbelief. A whole grab bag of emotions. But eventually the good feelings would come. And Nathaniel’s arms would go up around his husband, and he wouldn’t let go. He wouldn’t have to let go. Eli would be all his again, and safe.Safe. Samuel wasn’t sure he had a full handle on the meaning of that word. It had been too long since he’d felt it himself. Back before prison. Before Mr. Edwards. Had there ever been such a time? There must have been, because he knew well enough to reach for it. To put all his hopes into finding it. Eli safe, and Nathaniel and Hailey and Jenny safe too now that she had such wonderful people surrounding her. Family, they’d promised. She’d finally have a real family. And they’d have the better Fuller sibling too. It would be perfect, even if—even when they forgot him. And anyway, that wasn’t something to be mourned. They would onlyfeel hunted here with all the terrible memories and evil. Better to be free of it. To forget all about it and never look back. And it wouldn’t even be that bad. Even alone again, he wouldn’t really be. He’d have the knowledge of their safety, and all of Nathaniel’s words describing that fantasy world of what if. He’d be able to go into that world whenever he wanted, and almost it would be like he was really there. And he’d have all their letters too. He had almost a hundred already. Which had to be enough. Asking for anything more would have been worse than greediness. But he found his pace slowing, the dragging horror of his time without them so heavy it was like weights on all his limbs. With a disgusted noise, he forced himself back into a run. What did the weight matter? Hadn’t Eli made him strong? He would be happy for them, and there would be no regret. He wouldn’t show them anything to detract from their happiness.
He went to the cafeteria first since it was time for breakfast, but a quick scan confirmed what he already suspected. Eli wouldn’t be getting breakfast. He’d be coming to visit him in medical the way he did every morning as soon as he was dressed, and that meant hurrying back before Eli found him missing and triggered a state of emergency. Still, he decided to look in on the dormitory first, just in case, and practically rammed into Eli who was just exiting at a speed that topped even his own.
Eli caught him by the shoulders to prevent them both going down, remembered the injury, and quickly dropped that hold to his waist. “Puppy!” He said it in a way that was half greeting and half laughter, and Samuel felt his heart twist up into a flower, the way it did every morning he got to hear that voice.
“Eli,” he said, and didn’t bother to hide the reverence he felt. He wouldn't let stupid things like pride or embarrassment take away from what could very well be his last days with the man he loved.
Eli’s eyes crinkled up at the corners, and he pulled his face forward to kiss the top of his head. “I should be angry at you. Are you at least being careful with that shoulder?”
