Page 33 of The Care of Broken Things
“Because you’re sweet and loyal and so cute I just want to keep you in my pocket.”
He waited for the man’s laugh. He usually laughed at his own jokes. It was the dad in him, maybe. But Eli didn’t laugh. He was still leaning on his shoulder, seemingly content to remain there forever. It did something to Samuel’s stomach, and he stood up without warning, nearly dumping Eli to the floor.
“Samuel?”
“We should head back. It’ll be lights out soon.”
“I totally forgot about—you trashed everyone’s shit.”
They also hadn’t discussed the whole ‘prison husband’ thing, but there wasn’t time for it, and the pace they set to the dorm was halfway between a power-walk and a sprint. (Technically they weren’t allowed to run within the prison walls.) They got back three minutes before lights out, and mostof the mess had already been cleared away. There were still some crumbs on the floor, and one mattress was leaning against the wall, but otherwise it was business as usual save for the veritable mountain of underwear sitting on Eli’s bed. There were at least a dozen pairs, and probably more like twenty. But the showpiece was sitting at the very top of the pile—a fluorescent pink G-string with a little white bow on the ass. It was so out of place mixed in among all the commissary tighty-whities, like a flamingo among an army of pigeons.
He tried to ignore it. He could have genuine reactions later. For now, he had to stick to the script. So he put a possessive hand on the back of Eli’s neck and pressed their bodies together. “Is this everything, darling?”
Eli raised an eyebrow but otherwise made no comment at the sudden change in address. “And then some, I’d say.”
He didn’t actually care about the missing underwear. He would buy Eli new clothes in the morning and burn everything that was sitting on the bed now. It was the precedent that mattered. He jerked the blanket up, scattering the underwear over the floor, and sat down on the bed. Since he was still hanging onto Eli, that meant pulling him down with him.
“Wow, a man who knows what he wants.” Eli was barely holding back his laughter.
“Shut up and close your eyes,” he hissed.
“Yes, sir, husband, sir.” At this Eli failed and had to push his face into Samuel’s shoulder to muffle his laughter.
Samuel rolled his eyes and pulled the blanket up over them just as the lights went out. It made a difference. Even with the dimmers on, there was a surprising amount of intimacy in the near-dark. He was suddenly all-too aware of Eli’s closeness. Also his largeness. And the worst part? Eli picked up on his distress. He lifted the blanket and rolled over to give him room to exit. “Night, Samuel,” he said in an effort to normalize a clearover-reaction.
But he didn’t get up. Nor did he calm down. “I’m staying.”
“You can’t sleep this way.”
“I don’t care. I promised Nat.”
“Promised him you’d have a heart attack? Look at you. You’re shaking.”
He snatched away the hand that was being inspected. He wasn’tshaking. The slight tremor could have been anything. Excitement or exertion. Notshaking.
Eli touched his neck next. The hammering pulse was harder to explain away.
“Samuel,” Eli said, and his voice was so soft, so gentle, it made him furious.
“I’m fine. Go to sleep.”
“But—”
“You’ll become safe to me once you’re asleep.”
It was a bit of truth he hadn’t planned to reveal, but now that it was out of the bag, he wasn’t about to take it back. Eli reclaimed some of the space between them, leaning in to study his face. “Yeah?” he didn’t sound convinced.
Samuel sighed out his breath, a short, sharp (and deeply annoyed) exhalation. “When you’re asleep you become vulnerable, and when you’re vulnerable, you’re not scary. Once you’re asleep, I can sleep too.”
It was all perfectly sound logic, but apparently not good enough for Eli. “I hate that I’m a source of fear for you. Especially after all you’ve done for me and my family.”
“I haven’t done jackshit for your family.”
“Then explain why Hailey’s back in school full time or why Nathaniel’s anxiety is suddenly manageable.”
“I guess they’re getting used to you being here. You know, settling into it. Just like you.”
“I’m notsettling intoanything, Samuel. It’s you. All of it. Food and protection and companionship—hope. How can you not see those are all things you’ve given me?”
