Page 50 of Out of the Shadows
My eyebrows rose. “Still? How — wait, how long exactly were you at the party?”
“A while.”
“Mm-hm.” I cocked my head and looked up at him. “Andwhat, you watched me or something?”
Colt pushed his tongue into his cheek, then nodded slowly. “Like I said — I love watching you. No matter what you’re doing. I want to seeeverything.”
His unabashed honesty did something to me; it was like a rubber band stretched to its limit suddenly snapping.
“I’m not tipsy anymore, just so that’s out of the way.” I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with air, bracing myself for what I was about to say. My stomach was in knots, and I toyed with the hem of my skirt. “Colt, I don’t want to pretend anymore.”
His face hardened in an instant, the mask I’d seen him put on so many times and which had been increasingly more absent in my presence lately was back in place. He pulled his hand from mine, but I snatched it back.
“No, wait. Would you let me explain? I don’t want to pretend anymore because this is real for me,” I blurted before he could jump to any more wrong conclusions.
“What?” His tone couldn’t have been more perplexed, and his jaw went slack.
“Colt—” I sighed, rubbing the spot between my eyes and looked up at him, slightly flabbergasted. “You have to stop assuming the worst. Honestly, I want you to think about this for a second before you answer me. Why wouldn’t I want it to be real? Have I given you any indication to back up that assumption?”
He turned to face me again, his massive, broad body almost blocking the light filtering out of the house. Sometimes I forgot how much bigger he was than me, but in moments like this, it hit me with full force, and I was once again intrigued. The way my hand couldn’t even wrap around his forearm,the way I had to tilt my head back to look at his face. We were opposites in so many ways, yet deep in my heart, I was sure that we belonged together — we were inevitable.
He seemed to take me seriously, weighing his words before he even opened his mouth. Fiddling with the hem of my skirt, rubbing the fabric between my fingertips, I waited for what seemed like forever to hear his response. The shadows danced around us, obscuring his face once again.
“If I think about itrationally,” he began slowly. “Then I can’t remember anything that might be an indicator.”
My heart pounded as my hand slid from his thick forearm down to his hand, and I intertwined our fingers again. He seemed to be reorganizing his thoughts so I gave him some time. I had learned a long time ago that you usually learn more by letting others do the talking.
His mouth opened and closed a few times, and he swallowed audibly.
“But that doesn’t mean it makesanysense in my head. You and I … You’re so far out of my league and … fucking hell, I don’t know how to say this …” Frustrated, he threw his hands up in the air, apparently to run through his hair but was stopped by his cap. With a scoff, he let them fall back to his sides. “Fuck it. Might as well just say it. It’s taken me years to accept myself for who I am, and I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that you —you —might want me.”
I wanted to scream or laugh hysterically. “I’ve wanted you sinceday one.”
He jerked back, momentarily illuminated by the dim light, and his face was almost comically contorted in shock.
“What the hell do you mean, since day one?”
“Exactly that. From day one, from the first minute wemet. It was never fake to me, and actually, I only suggested that because …” A blush crept into my cheeks at my near confession.
“Becausewhat?” I refused to look him in the face, too embarrassed, too unwilling to reveal the extent of my obsession. His large hand, almost swallowing my own, squeezed gently, and he pulled me closer.
“Because I was hoping that it would turn into something real,” I said in a rush. I had never heard my voice sound so meek before. I was used to performing in front of hundreds, no, thousands of people and making myself heard over the roar of a crowd, but this one man choked me up.
“Wait a minute — let me get this straight, just so we’re on the same page. You’ve wanted me since the first day we met, and you jumped into this fake dating thing hoping we’d end up together for real?” His voice was hoarse.
My cheeks burned, but this time I lifted my chin and stared into his eyes with a hint of defiance. I couldn’t quite figure out how he felt about this revelation, and it caused an uncomfortable, squeezing pinch in my stomach, like everything inside me was twisting and tightening.
“Yup. That about sums it up.”
“Okay.” He let out a short laugh, a sound that was both incredulous and exuberant. Bursting into action, he turned me so my back was against his front and placed his arm across my stomach. Startled, I sucked in a breath and craned my neck to look at him over my shoulder.
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked, confused.
He grabbed my chin, his thumb caressing my jaw for a moment, and turned it so I was looking forward and then up at the sky. With his lips were next to my ear, his hot breathbrushed my bare shoulder, sending goose bumps down my arm. “Look up. What do you see?”
“No idea. What I usually see when I look up: the sky, the stars, the moon. What are you getting at?”
Colt snorted. “You’re impossible. Look up there, I meanreallylook. What do you see?”
