Page 44 of Bewitched & Bewildered
“I made cottage pie,” Maple says in her usual sunny voice.
For once, I’m not in the mood for her to cheer me up.
“Okay.” I hide my face behind the fridge door.
“It’s delicious,” Rowan says. I can feel her sharp gaze on my back.
“I’ll get some in a bit,” I say. “Thanks.”
I stand upright, closing the fridge and moving to the cupboard.
Passing up free food isn’t an option right now. Maple has an actual job. She’s not running the unprofitable family business. I was doing better with tips at the bar than I amnow. At this rate, it will take years to get our business out of the red.
It isn’t helping me in any other way. I don’t feel more connected to my mother, and my mental health is taking a nosedive, too.
Today, I want to quit.
I hope the feeling passes in the morning, but I’ve never been more unsure about my path.
My conversation with Ozan is fresh in my mind, and it’s upsetting—but it was different than speaking with him typically is. He usually grates on my nerves for reasons I can’t describe. This is different.
When I look at him, I’m nothing in comparison. He’s the business owner I want to be. He’s in the place in life that I want to be. I can’t even be mad at him for what he said in the store. He was right. The shop doesn’t feel like mine.
I am a child trying on her mother’s clothes.
There’s a chance I’m letting Ozan’s advice get to me, which may be his intention. It would be a smart way to sabotage me. I don’t know. I can’t pretend to have the answers anymore. Nothing makes sense.
Without saying another word to my sisters, I serve myself a plate of food.
“How was the shop today?” Maple asks.
“Fine.” I clench my jaw.
“I’m sorry I didn’t have time to stop in,” Maple says. “I was tired after work.”
“It’s fine.”
Running upstairs to eat alone sounds tempting. Instead, I sit with them at the little, cluttered table. It’s more jumbled than ever, considering how busy we are. Laurel has a stack of records and music zines on the table now. That’snew. I guess she found something to spend her extra income on.
“It doesn’t sound like it was fine.” Rowan lifts a brow. “What happened?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head. “That’s the problem. I thought we could come back with a bang…”
“And we did!” Maple says.
“But it didn’t last,” I say. “And I know why.”
“Do tell,” Rowan says.
“It doesn’t…” I hate that I’m going to quote Ozan. He really is getting to me. “It doesn’t feel likeus. It’s still mom’s shop, and we’re just… parading around as her.”
Rowan frowns. “I don’t think that’s what we’re trying to do. We’re continuing her legacy. That’s what being a family is.”
“That’s not how other people see it,” I say. “Everyone is comparing us to her.”
“Is it so terrible if they do?” Maple asks. “It is her shop. I don’t want to get rid of theher-ness in it.”
“I don’t either,” I say.
