Page 89 of Creatures Like Us
“Is that why you haven’t fucked me since that night?” Which has been annoying, to say the least. It’s like I discovered the wonders of bottoming only for it to peter out into nothing.
Noah nods. “Yes. That’s why.”
“Is that why you’re giving me everything I point at?”
He looks at me strangely. “Are you talking about the cooking?”
“Yeah.”
“I always liked to feed you what you wanted. That hasn’t changed.”
“Not true,” I say, flashing a grin. “You’re not feeding me your dick.”
He blinks. “I?…”
“You think I won’t feel safe with you if you fuck me?”
“I’m?…” His shoulders slump. “I’m trying all I can, Asher.” And he sounds so sad, so utterly miserable, that I can’t help but comfort him.
“It’s okay. You’re doing good, Noah.”
Never mind that I don’t care about feeling safe or not. In a way, I even like feeling unsafe. I need that thrill to feel alive, that rush of complicated feelings I can only channel into sex. I used tobe an opioid addict, for fuck’s sake, and not that long ago either. It shouldn’t be a surprise that I’m not quite right in the head.
I need things other people don’t, or else I get so restless I want to crawl out of my own skin. Who cares about feeling safe when I can get rid of that feeling by being with Noah? Being with Noah is the only way I can even imagine a sober life.
He might kill himself if I leave him, and likewise, I might kill myself with drugs if we’re ever torn apart.
We need this. We need each other.
Noah glances at the wall, at the chain hanging there like a constant reminder. I remember the weight of it around my wrist, the oppressive chill of the metal, and I shiver.
“What if?…?you use it on me?” he suggests.
“What? The chain?”
“Yeah. What if you tied me up so I can’t get loose, and then you?…?um?…”
“Fuck you?”
“Yeah.”
“I can do better than that,” I say with a smirk, loving this idea. “What if I stretch you wide on my fingers first? What if I can get them all inside, all the way to my wrist?” I splay my hand toward the faint light of the window, spreading my fingers wide.
He inhales a breath. “Would?…?that work?”
I shrug. “I’ve seen it done in porn before. It’ll work. Besides, you’re always so good when I fuck you. I think you can take it. I think you’ll like it, in fact.”
He swallows thickly. “Will it make you feel safe with me?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess we’ll have to try.”
Noah swallows, and I delight in the uncertainty flitting across his face. Just as I’m sure he’ll shake his head and decline, he nods. “Okay. Let’s do it.”
Fuck yeah. Our eyes meet, our hands meet, and I entwine my fingers with his.
“You cleaned yourself out, right? When you took a shower?”
“Yeah.”
