Page 81 of Creatures Like Us
I look down at myself, observing the bloody gash on my lower belly. “It can’t be made right.”
“What?”
“It’s too deep. It’ll scar.”
“What?” A sob breaks out of his throat. “But I?…?I didn’t mean to?…?What do I?…”
“Shh.” I enclose his shaking fist with my hand. “It’s okay. You didn’t mean to, but it’s fine. I want that scar, okay? I want to have that memory of you. It was something special we did, you and I, together. No need to regret it. No need to mourn it. It just is. It’s just you and me. Us.”
Silent tears trickle down his cheeks, and I wipe them away, cradling his face in my palms.
“You’re okay, Ash. I’m okay. I’m not hurt. I liked it.”
“Y-You did? You don’t think it was too fucked up? Too messy? Too cruel?”
I blink. “Cruel? You did it because I wanted it, didn’t you? We both wanted it. I wouldn’t have said I wanted it if I didn’t.”
His lower lip trembles. “I?…?I don’t know if I trust you.”
I take his hand and put it to my heart. “I swear, Ash. I want everything you’re willing to give me. You with the knife, you cutting into me?…?It was one of the hottest experiences of my life.”
His eyes widen. “It was? Are you sure?”
I take both his hands in mine and kiss his knuckles. “I’m sure. Now let’s finish this and go back to sleep.”
“I?…?I don’t know if I can. I couldn’t sleep, knowing I did this to you. I don’t know what’s happening, I?…?I don’t know myself anymore.” He starts crying in earnest, knees buckling. As he sinks to the bathroom floor, I follow, wrapping him in my arms.
“I know you,” I say, kissing the top of his head. “I know you, Ash. I see you.”
“I see you too,” he whimpers.
I trail my fingers among his curls, stroking his scalp. “I could do it to you if you want. Would that make you feel better?”
His eyes go wide with surprise as well as a hint of fear. I know he fears pain more than I do, but I also know he’ll endure it tofeel better about what he did, even though he didn’t do anything wrong as far as I’m concerned.
“You want to cut me?” he asks. “With that knife?”
I incline my head. “The very same. Would you like that? Sharing our experiences like that? Sharing our blood?”
“I think so, but?…?will it hurt?”
“I’ll be very careful.”
“Are you going to fuck me afterward? Like I did you?”
“Only if you want me to.”
“I want you to.” He takes a deep breath. “Okay, let’s do it, Noah.”
“What, now?”
“Yes, now.”
“Didn’t you want to patch me up?”
“Oh.” He stares at my wound. “Oh, right.”
“I can do it myself if you want, and you can wait downstairs.”
