Page 45 of Creatures Like Us
What, then? Was he hoping I’d stay out of my own free will? Or was he hoping I’d come to my senses, hoping I’d realized I can’t keep destroying myself with drugs and that I might as well stay here with him, in this basement void of temptations, except for the temptation to crush my body to his and?…?and?…?what?
Choke him? Fuck him? Lethimfuck me?
I don’t know. Maybe all three.
What Ishouldwant is for him to suffer at my hands and pay for what he’s done to me. Not only for my captivity, but for the feelings he’s evoked in the darkest corners of my mind. The Asher I was before he captured me I can’t recall, and it’s all his fault.
We’re both estranged from the world. Lonely. So fucking lonely. Even when I’m surrounded by people, I have always been alone. Even when people press their bodies against me,I’m unaffected by their closeness. All my life, people have never cared about trying to get close to me, to see the real me.
But Noah has.
Noah wants to open up my chest and see what lurks inside, and I want to do the same to him. Maybe that’s what makes us the perfect pair in hell. Maybe that’s why I should stay here with him.
Fuck, what are these thoughts I’m having? I can’t stand them. I can’t standhim. I can’t stand any of it, but I can’t escape it either.
Noah leads me back to the bed, and once he’s got my wrist back in the chains, I crawl up to the wall and sit there, curled up, tormented by my own thoughts. There must be something off about the air in this place. The water I drink, the food Noah feeds me. It’s poisoning my mind and giving me these fucked-up ideas I have no business having.
I shift my gaze to Noah, and he just keeps looking at me with that blank, leveled stare. It’s driving me insane.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
Noah blinks. “How?”
“Just?…?staring at me like that. What do you want?”
“I don’t want anything.”
“Stop lying.”
“Asher?…” Noah approaches and sets his knee on the bed.
“Don’t come any closer!” I yell, and he stops at once. “Don’t fucking touch me.”
“You can touch me if you want. If it will make you feel better.”
My chest heaves as I glare at him, unable to speak, unable to say yes or no.
“It would makemefeel better,” he adds, in barely more than a whisper, and his hair falls in front of his face as he hangs his head.
“Oh yeah?” I throw myself at him, grabbing him and slamming him to the bed. Out of surprise or just plain submission, he doesn’t struggle as I straddle his hips, and my voice is shaking as I ask, “Who saidyou’rethe one who should be allowed to feel better in this situation, huh?”
His eyes gleam in the darkness, drinking me in, telling me nothing but giving me everything.
I grab his throat then, pushing down on it hard. “Why did you just leave me in the bath without restraining me, huh? Are you mocking me?”
“No,” he says, voice raw. “I just forgot.”
“Just forgot, my ass! Did you know I wouldn’t escape, and that’s why you did it? You wanted to prove it to yourself? To me?”
“No.” His throat clicks against my palm as he gulps and shakes his head. “I didn’t know. I didn’t know you would stay. But?…” His hand slides up to my cheek. “But I’m glad you did.”
“Because you’d kill me if I tried to escape, would you?” I snarl, anger and fear and the surge of anxiety fueling my every muscle, every shift of my tone, every glare. “You’d take your knife to me and slit my throat like you do those rabbits?”
“No?…?No, I would never do that.”
I bear down again, clutching his throat with both hands. “Fuck you. Fuck you. I hate you so fucking much. I hate you for doing this to me.”
“For doing what?” Noah heaves. His hand slides down my arm—a featherlight caress.
