Page 25 of Taunting Tarran
I just want to be left alone. The more people probe, the more they ask, the more I think about the dark shadow that follows me. The more I feel obliged to feed it. That’s why I stopped therapy – one minute I’m nodding along, and the next, I’m having an out-of-body experience where I’m blowing half her face off.
Every session felt like a needle pricking at the veneer ofnormalcy. It was like my therapist could smell the blood that stained my skin and wanted to suck the very life from me. The more she asked, the more the darkness stirred within me, the more my shadow consumed me, leaving nothing but an empty shell, haunted by the ghosts of my past.
My darkness doesn’t want to talk – it wants to live.
I return to the booth just as the waiter approaches with a broad smile, his cheerful demeanor almost jarring. ‘Here’s your change,’ he says, his eyes sparkling with genuine warmth as he places a hand on my shoulder.
My heart leaps into my throat, panic surging through me like a wildfire.
‘DON’T TOUCH ME!’ I scream, the words tearing out of me as my discomfort boils over. My chest tightens, my breaths coming in shallow, rapid bursts.
‘Sorry, sorry,’ he apologises, backing away quickly.
‘Hey, Tarran. Are you OK?’ Rachel asks, her brow furrowing. ‘You’re sweating.’
‘I’m fine,’ I reply, taking deep breaths to steady my racing heart.
‘Oh my god!’ Sarah gasps with her eyes glued to her phone. ‘Hey, you know that club I told you guys about? It’s burnt down. The news says it was arson - a burglary gone wrong. Two bodies were found in the remains.’
‘Do they know who?’ I ask, quietly sipping my now cold coffee.
‘It says “unidentified”,’ Sarah replies.
The uneasegnaws at me, growing heavier with each passing moment as the girls continue reading about the fire.
‘I wonder if Steve knows...’ Sarah murmurs, almost to herself.
‘Not going to dig up that old corpse again, are you?’ Anna scoffs. ‘Dump him, already.’
‘I haven’t heard from him for days,’ Sarah’s voice tinged with worry. ‘I didn’t mention it because I thought he had been going back to that club, but then...this.’
‘It won’t be him.’ Rachel says firmly. ‘He’s probably gone off on a bender.’
‘I haven’t had a call or anything,’ Sarah continues. ‘And he’s not answering any of my calls. Where could he be?’
I feel the weight of suspicion pressing down on me, suffocating. Steve was the only person that knew I went to The Lickerish Lounge. I can still feel the ghost of his lips brushing against mine.
No...Steve...lips...
‘I’m sure he’ll turn up, babes,’ Emma chimes in, her voice light, trying to cut through the tension.
‘Look,’ she adds, ‘we need a girls’ holiday. Get away from all this shit. What do you say?’
‘I can’t even remember the last time I had a proper holiday,’ Sarah mutters.
The rest of us nod; the sentiment digging deep. ‘Tell me about it,’ Rachel sighs. ‘The hospital has been a nightmare. Feels like I’m running on fumes.’ Her words are heavy, they made meache just listening.
‘And if I don’t get a break soon, I’m going to lose it,’ Anna groans, glaring at us. ‘You two,’ she states, looking at Emma and me, ‘are way too quiet. Spill.’
Emma exhales slowly, pressing back against the booth like she wants to disappear into the cushions. ‘I just...don’t know if I can swing it right now. You know, the divorce and everything.’ The words hang there, sharp and jagged, slicing through the faint hum of voices.
Anna reaches across, her hand squeezing Emma’s with a quiet force. ‘Em, as your lawyer and, more importantly, your friend, I’m telling you – you can. You have to.’
‘And you,’ she says, her gaze drilling into me.
My lips quirk into a soft smile as I toy with the idea. I did have this time off after all. ‘Sun. Sand. A beach perhaps?’ I suggest.
Rachel rolls her eyes. ‘Not all of us are built like you, Tarran, the thought of letting these baps out in public? Hard pass.’
