Page 27 of Dead Crown
“I have a way around it. I can’t tell you at this second. You trust me, right? I’m still your brother no matter who gave birth to me.”
“Yes.”
“You’ll do what I say, right?”
“Yes.”
Tivar sat and gripped his thinner thigh. “Remember our secret?”
Edur nodded even though the groping made him particularly uncomfortable now. It had started when he was six with pats and stroking that felt nice. Later, Tivar said all older brothers did it to the younger ones, and they couldn’t talk about it. It was like going to sit in the privy. Everyone did it, and no one spoke of it afterward. If he did, he’d be in grave trouble.
It had made sense to Edur, and he never said a word when he grew a little older, and the thigh and rear squeezes turned into Tivar touching between his legs. He hadn’t liked it, but Tivar would also rub his back, hug him, and say he was the best little brother anyone could ask for. All of the cuddles and touches made him feel loved, and it felt good to have a special secret with his brother.
Shortly before the war, Tivar had taken him to his bedroom and said it was time to learn a new secret because he was old enough, and it was a particularly special thing big brothers did with their younger ones.
Edur hadn’t liked it at all, but Tivar said all brothers did it in private, so it was natural. Men were meant to stroke themselves or others, and if it was wrong, it wouldn’t feel good.
“You’re old enough to learn other things now.” Tivar kept groping his inner thigh and moved his hand up. “How often do you play with yourself? You’re old enough, and I’m sure you now see why I like it so much. I bet you’ve experimented with your heat too, so imagine how good it would feel if someone else satisfied your desperation. It’s far better than jerking yourself. Lucky you, being an abundant male.”
Edur’s cheeks flushed because he had experimented with his heat in private. When he thought back to that afternoon and Tivar’s slack-jawed expression as he was worked off, he didn’t want to do it again. Even though Tivar had said it was special, the mess it had left on Edur’s hand had made him feel dirty in a way that hadn’t been solved with soap and water.
He also didn’t want his brother to work him off either. It seemed far dirtier than being fondled even though Tivar said it was fine.
“Well?” demanded Tivar.
Edur squirmed and tried to push away his hand. “I don’t like it.”
“Why?”
“I don't know. It feels strange.”
“You used to like it.”
“I know, but…I don’t want it anymore.”
Tivar laughed and removed his hand. “You’re growing up, and that means your cock is going to wake up. This happens to every teenage boy, and it’s best when he has a brother to help him through things and teach him how good it feels. An abundant male certainly needs to know.”
Edur bit his lip. “Who helped you?”
Tivar rolled his eyes. “The oldest must deal with it alone. You have me. All little brothers are lucky to have a bigger one to teach them. You just have to keep it a secret. You’ve never said a word, right?”
“No.” Edur didn't want to learn anymore.
“I want what’s best for you. Even if we’re not blood, I’ll always love you like my brother. You have to trust me. I’ll make you feel better when we get to Lilling.”
Tivar spent most of his time out of the cabin while Edur tried to tell himself everything would be fine. Tivar was just trying to be a good big brother like before, and it didn’t matter if they weren’t related by blood. Gone were the days of playing war in the Castle yard and trying to outdo each other with heroic “deaths.” Gone were the days of Tivar telling a lord’s kid to piss off when he kept picking on seven-year-old Edur. Tivar had real responsibilities now and real threats to protect his brother from.
He always wanted what was best for Edur and would never lead him astray.
It was why they had a secret spot to disembark, and a cart was already waiting. Tivar had arranged that before coming to get his little brother. Edur was half asleep under furs and blankets in the back when the cart arrived, and Tivar roughly woke him.Edur was so worn out, he could barely take in the grounds or the Castle itself.
“Slow down,” said Edur. “I’m tired.”
“We have to check the Crown,” Tivar whispered as he wrapped an arm around his brother’s shoulders. “Remember, trust me. You can sleep later.”
The Castle was empty. Tivar said he’d sent a note earlier to dismiss the servants at night. They’d only return in the morning. He’d planned ahead for certain things once he knew Father was dead because it fell to him to protect the Crown and the family. If East Forest knew of it there, they might try to steal it even though it would be of no use to them.
Tivar dismissed the guards and told them to go bunk in the guardhouse. He led Edur to the top floor of the unfamiliar Castle and into a large bedroom that seemed rather sparse.
