Page 100 of Bloom
Jaime nodded. They might when the first love knows what to say and how to keep them hooked.
A lot made sense while he sat there and told himself a few times to keep his ass on the couch. He couldn’t find Gautier to beat the shit out of him.
The insistence that Aleric didn’t bottom. His refusal to do foreplay or anything that might seem intimate. Everything he did made complete sense. He couldn’t bring himself to trust another man with his body and feelings. He'd finally admitted everything which was a big step, but not enough.
Worse, there had been times he’d moved away or shifted his positioning. In the back of his mind, he was afraid Jaime would grow violent. The morning when Jaime had jumped off the couch after being startled from his nightmare, he’d seen genuine fear in Aleric’s eyes. He’d expected a hand to the throat or a slug. His nasty attitude and words were a form of defense, but he was still afraid of the other snapping.
Any man could. Why not? The man who’d said he loved him and even mentioned future children had left him tied and bloody on his bedroom floor. The image enraged Jaime so much, he had to grip the arm of the couch to keep himself down.
That was why he’d threatened to kill Jaime if he ever grew forceful or violent. Plenty of relationships and marriages were fine with neither party abusing the other. In Aleric’s mind, Jaime was going to treat him like a hole and beat him if he said no.
Jaime was sure Aleric had heard of other abusive relationships. That wouldn’t help his mindset. It wasn’t just him who had suffered, and there was always a chance of finding a darker side to someone.
Gautier had also used their submissive and dominant relationship. Ignoring a safety word could obliterate a submissive’s trust. No matter what was happening, a word or signal had to be honored. Any man who ignores it is not a man to be trusted.
“I think the only reason he didn’t rape me was because he might have injured me to the point where I wouldn’t have had a choice but to go to the physician,” said Aleric. “That wouldn’t be an injury anyone could explain away, and I might have broken down and gone to Father even if Olivier kept his mouth shut. I think he knew I’d be too ashamed to say anything about the beating, and if I did, he could have denied it and tried to make it seem like I’d picked a bad lover for a one-night stand gone wrong. That’s why he hid our relationship.”
“Why wait so long?”
“To see if I stayed compliant and how I’d act after the initial phase is over. Also, since I’m the oldest and only living child out of three from Pearl, Father might feel more protective of me, so he couldn't rape me or do serious harm that would be obvious.”
“But he’s not fully protecting you.”
Aleric turned more toward him. “From what you’ve seen and know. Outside of that, Father has been a little harder and a bit more protective of me as a teenager. It’s not the same with Zacharie. He’s not supposed to be lord, and he often got his way more by nagging. Father let it happen because deep down, he likely blames himself. He sought companionship with Honoré because he was lonely, planned a baby with him, and he died in childbirth. Father’s never had a relationship since, and if Zacharie cried as a little boy because he didn’t want to go to bed, or wanted another sweet, I could tell it made Father feel guilty.”
“Wouldn’t he feel more protective of the youngest and tell him no?”
“Not necessarily. Father doesn’t like me going outside at night by myself, and he has a point. He never wanted me to go into the city alone during the day before. He’s finally eased a bit, and he did for Zacharie too.”
The oldest had survived to adulthood and fought for independence. The other wasn’t too far behind, so Lord Monethad finally stepped back a little. Even though he hadn’t been too happy about Zacharie picking a man old enough to be his parent, he’d decided to keep his mouth shut and let him navigate the relationship on his own. After all, it was a family friend.
With Aleric having just turned eighteen, he might not have been too inclined to let go.
“You mentioned something about him telling you not to stay up late at eighteen?”
“Yes. Like I didn't know I need sleep. He hasn’t done that in years. It’s not as if I’ll go to bed just because he says so. Anyway, I was the failure because I’ll stand my ground over certain things even after I’ve been slammed into a wall. That morning in the tower didn’t completely break my will. I not only refused to do his kink, I sexually denied him, something I’d never done before. He had two choices. Stay with me and possibly put up with things he doesn’t like, or try to break me in a new way, end everything, and look to the other brother once he was old enough.”
Jaime had met a few men like that, and he’d never liked them. Of course, they couldn’t always beat the other and risk arrest. They’d talk about another who didn’t want to sleep with them or do something, and they used disparaging terms. If a man or woman said no, they seemed to take it as quite personal. That sort had always made Jaime uneasy.
His blood was absolutely boiling because not only had Gautier abused him, he’d picked a fragile moment. Abuse is always bad, but Jaime was pretty sure it was a lot worse when the victim is naked, vulnerable, and in the middle of activities they wouldn’t do with anyone else. Anytime a submissive agrees to anything, they’re putting full trust in the dominant to do whatever they’ve agreed on without true harm or injury. They expect to be safe, and after two years, Aleric had fully settled into trusting his dominant.
Ignoring their safeword was like taking the trust and not only breaking it but stomping and spitting on the remains.
Aleric’s sense of safety and trust had been shattered when Gautier had left him naked and tied on the floor. He wouldn’t even allow physical intimacy despite going to a whorehouse to have sexual interaction with others.
“You probably don’t even believe me,” said Aleric. “If you’re going to leave, just do it. Don’t waste time berating me.”
“I just sat here and listened to everything.”
“So? I don’t know what you’re thinking.”
“I’m not thinking you’re a liar.”
Aleric looked away.
Damn it. Mostly everything would be scrutinized now, and the past few weeks together meant little. Aleric had let him stay, and he’d been more pleasant. That didn’t mean much because they hadn’t grown closer.
If this was going to work, they’d have to go slow. Jaime stood so he could kneel at Aleric’s end of the couch and try to be smaller.
