Page 97 of Bloom
“Are you all right?” asked Father.
“Mhm.” Somehow, the simple question made the shame in his gut burn worse. It still ached from the punch too.
“You seem a bit off.”
“I didn’t sleep well.”
The words rolled out like nothing, and his throat tightened when Father took his words at face value and started talking to Zacharie. Aleric scrambled for something to say and came up blank.
Out in the Hall, Gautier was talking to a courtier and eating. Aleric almost wished he’d come over, apologize, somehow explain away everything, give a genuine reason to erase theterror of last night, make it better, and apologize. He wanted to be comforted and told he was loved so everything could go back to the way it had been.
It had never truly been what he thought.
***
He told himself multiple times that he’d go to Father and admit everything. The two good years, the throat grab, how Gautier had constantly asked for a kink he wasn’t interested in, and how he’d beaten Aleric bloody in his bedroom before leaving him tied on the floor.
He couldn’t do it.
He snagged a bottle of vodka from a sideboard in a sitting room, disinfected his cuts, loosely bandaged the wounds, put old balm on them that barely did anything, and did his best to not look like he was in pain when he had to leave his rooms. His sleeves stayed down at all times to hide his wrists, and he was careful to not let his gait grow stiff around others. He spent a lot of time lying on his stomach in bed and wishing he had the guts to say something so that fucker could be imprisoned.
If he told Father, would the feeling that he was partly in the wrong go away?
Gautier could be a slave. Maybe someone would buy and abuse him, and he’d know what it felt like. The fucker was walking completely free, and he barely looked at Aleric. It was like the past two years hadn’t happened and he was no one. Every kiss, every night tangled naked in bed, every touch, word, conversation…everything had been fake.
The more Aleric thought about it, the more disgusted he grew with himself. His shame was so thick, he could practically touch it. He’d let that man teach him positions, do whatever he wanted, and breed his ass.
Even though he’d always been careful with his herbs before sex, he started to fear they’d failed, and he’d soon find himself pregnant.
If so, he’d have to go to Delphine and get the herbs to do away with the pregnancy. He’d rather have a baby with a drunk, Dust-snorting bum from the streets over Gautier.
He’d handed himself over with complete trust…what a fool. After almost two years of being a good submissive who did whatever he was told, he must have been positive that Aleric would agree to his rape kink.
He cursed himself when he thought back to the night he’d naively asked for a dance and jumped on the chance to go much farther. Gautier had surely been thinking nasty things about him when he was sixteen or seventeen, but not old enough to touch. He might have been planning to eventually approach, and Aleric, being an idiot, had done the work for him. That was why Gautier had said he seemed older than eighteen.
Father asked him a few times what was wrong. Why was he spending so much time in his rooms? So he could avoid Gautier. Why didn’t he want to go riding? Because riding would be torture after a beating with the belt buckle, and his backside was black and blue.
Lord Monet accepted all of the lies Aleric made up. The more he healed, the harder it seemed. Several times, he told himself he could do it only to be unable to force himself to get up and find Father. He imagined the whole court finding out since they’d have to do a trial. Everyone would know, and he’d curl up again on his bed.
Clementine came on the third afternoon. He’d considered telling her, but the sight of her in tears scratched that. Her small cold was gone and not responsible for her sniffling.
The night before, she’d dared to tell Father she wanted to marry Belle, their servant. Belle had held her hand and told himthey were in love. Clementine’s Father had immediately sacked Belle and thrown her out despite Clementine’s begging and pleading. No daughter of his was marrying a servant.
They’d suspected for a while that Clementine was supposed to marry Aleric. Since he hadn’t hinted anything, and Clementine’s Father had never broached the subject, they hoped he might give up especially since Clementine had been in love with Belle for six months.
Aleric thought maybe he’d give in and see sense. They were friends, and things would never advance beyond friendship. His future position and money weren’t going to make her want to jump in his bed with him. Forget bearing his children.
She said she was going to wait until Father slept that night, go down to the basement, climb through the window, and run away with Belle. Forget her Father and his greedy, selfish ways. He’d have his damn merchant business and money to love. If it wasn’t Aleric, he’d start looking for another lord or someone rich enough to marry her, man or woman, and she wasn’t doing it. Even a Princess couldn’t change how she felt about Belle.
He had to talk her down from that. A lot could go wrong with a hasty plan to run away. Clementine didn’t even get an allowance from her Father. He bought her everything she needed or wanted. Running away with no money or real plan could lead to them being stranded and hungry on the street.
The best thing to do was maybe wait a while and ask him again. If she hadn’t budged in months, perhaps he’d finally get through his thick skull and stop imagining his daughter as Countess with an heir in her arms.
If he refused to change his mind and allow her to marry Belle, they might have to wait a bit longer to make things appear a little more convincing and get married. Aleric would save money in the meantime since Father gave him an allowance, although truly, he could have whatever he wanted for the most part. Bythe time they married, she’d have a good cushion to fall back on if needed, and he'd ensure she got away with Belle.
After he’d comforted her, and they’d put together the frame of a plan, he couldn’t bear to tell her what happened. Besides the shame, it didn’t seem fair to dump his problems on her when her eyes were still swollen from crying.
What could she do? Nothing. She still had to go home and live with her selfish Father while unable to see Belle, although Aleric had said he’d be the go-between if they wanted to pass notes under her Father’s nose.
