Page 123 of Bloom
Aleric set the book on his lap and tucked a few strands of hair behind one ear. “I made a promise, broke it, and I’m not evenfeeling as guilty as I should. Or think I should. In the back of my mind, I guess I’m still expecting something bad later. You’re not doing anything to make me think that. It’s just there, and at the same time, I want to go further with you. A lot further. I promised myself I'd never let anybody have control over me again, and I almost can't wait to be in your lap again while you call me a slut. I don't mean right this second.”
“I figured. You know, if it makes you feel better, we don’t have to do anything like earlier. Sex also doesn’t have to be with one as the dominant. If you don’t want to be made to beg or do something, a person can simply suck off another.”
Aleric let out a small laugh. “I don’t think you quite understand. I crave that kind of treatment in bed. I can do basic sex, but I want the other to take control and dominate me. I’m not a top, and submitting is a thing that’s almost like a need for me. It’s an itch I can’t properly scratch by masturbating or using a toy. Topping a whore and leaving afterward doesn’t do it either. Gautier’s a piece of shit, but he had one thing right. I’m a true submissive in bed.”
Jaime had never thought too much about if he was a true dominant in bed. Submitting or taking the receiving role had never interested him, and he’d gone for what he did like. If he wanted something from a man, he was usually blunt with what he expected. If the other didn’t like submitting or wasn’t into a particular thing, he didn’t make them do it.
“When you’re the submissive, you have to think about safety more,” Aleric added after a moment. “If you tie me up, nothing’s going to happen to you. While you may not intend to harm me, I could end up with a damaged wrist. You’ll be fine later. Since I’ve dealt with worse…The promise is stupid, but I had to make it to myself.”
“It’s not stupid. You were looking out for yourself. I think I’d feel the same way.”
“I knew if I broke it-it’s like a slippery slope. You do one thing, and you want more. Next thing you know, you’re on your back with your legs in the air and trusting the other overall. You’ve let them get close, and a closer person can hurt you worse. If we’re going to try to get along and be a proper couple, sex is a part of that. You’re not a guy I’m simply fooling around with, so I haven’t thrown away my promise only to get laid. It still feels as though I’m being stupid and following my lust even though we’re going to be husband and husband soon.”
“You know, if I tied your wrists, I’d make sure it’s loose to start with-”
“We’re not doing that tonight. Tempting, but it's a little too fast.”
“I know we’re not. I’m making a point. If I accidentally hurt you, I wouldn’t be fine with it later. I’m not saying this to minimize your suffering either, even though this situation is hypothetical. I’d be miserable and kicking myself in the ass if I ever hurt you. I’d feel guilty and do what I could to make sure you’re alright, which includes a physician so you’re not stuck with lasting damage. Gautier didn’t feel guilt. I’d also make sure the accident didn’t happen again. He wouldn’t care overall as long as you kept getting naked for him.”
“True.”
“If you want to wait to do anything else, don’t feel like there’s a time limit or anything. I want you to be comfortable.”
While taking a bath earlier that evening, Jaime had jerked himself off with his head full of what he’d done to Aleric earlier. Masturbating didn’t quite cut it when the man he wanted to be buried in was so close, but it might have to do for a while.
“Can we talk about something else?” asked Aleric.
“Yeah. I wanted to ask what you’re going to do about your brother.”
“What about him?”
“You didn’t tell him yet.”
“I didn’t want to go find him earlier. I don’t want to talk to him either.”
Jaime figured that was also partly because Zacharie was likely often with Gautier. “I could come with you in the morning, you can ask to speak to him in private, and I’ll hang around somewhere in the hallway or whatever. You’ll be safe.”
“No. He can find out whenever. I don't care.”
“Some might guess you’re pregnant tomorrow. If your brother figures it out, he might get mad at you. With the rest of the court gone, he’ll probably start eating at the High Table, and he’ll have an attitude-”
“Pfft. Fuck Zacharie. He won’t care that I’m having a baby. He’ll probably say it’s gross or call me a whore. After I give birth, he’ll ask if my ass is ruined and forever stretched from pushing it out.”
“Charming,” Jaime said dryly. “Wait, he can’t actually believe that, right? Your body is meant for it.”
“I don’t know. Zacharie was still making fart jokes every damn day at the age of seventeen and laughing at them, and he’s not exactly the brightest penny in the coin purse. He once asked me what would happen if I used my heat and had to fart at the same time. He said he bet it makes a slick bubble. Do you see why I don't care to talk about my body with him?”
Jaime almost laughed because that was sort of funny in a gross way. “Wow…the imagery that came to mind.”
Aleric’s expression said he was not amused by his younger brother’s jokes.
Jaime cleared his throat. “After a bit, we can suggest Zacharie and Gautier go away. Your pregnancy makes a perfect excuse, and you won't have to hear stupid comments about your ass. If Zacharie doesn’t care to be an Uncle, he might like going away with his lover to play Baron.”
Aleric scratched his chin. “All right. That might work.”
***
Aleric’s smile appeared convincing the next morning even though a few family members didn’t seem pleased about the announcement. As far as Jaime noticed, the distant cousins scattered around the tables didn’t talk to Aleric that much. He had said they were leeches, so they hung around to have the name and the finery of an Earl’s court.
