Page 48 of What A Croc
He was still shaking his head slowly, back and forth. “There has to be some other explanation. Jackson, I’m going through the omega change, I told you this. I’m sure that’s what you are smelling. Besides, I’m too old! I know you don’t care about our age difference, but my body is changing. That’s probably why my scent is different.”
Tired of seeing him sitting on the floor, I carefully scooped him up into my arms a second time. I loved having a lapful of my omega. This time he didn’t fuss at me, just let me pick him up and snuggle him. He was quiet, and I could feel his unease through what I suspected was the bond between us that was already forming. But I knew I was right about what I scented on him, omega change or not.
“Then prove me wrong,” I said against his neck. “Let’s take a test.”
He flopped a hand in the air. “As if I have pregnancy tests just lying around. I am forty-nine, Jackson. Forty. Nine. Years. Old. I am too old to be pregnant.”
“Fine. Then the test will say that, and you just have the flu, and you can hold this over my head forever. You were right and I was wrong.”
“Fine,” he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.
“But what if I’m not wrong?” I challenged.
“You’re certainly not right!” he grumbled, chewing on the tender skin of his thumbnail. Gently pulling the digit from his teeth before he could do more harm to his poor skin, I kissed his cheek.
“Don’t you think we should find out?” I pushed quietly.
His eyes flashed angrily at me. “You are the most stubborn, pig-headed…” The sound of his stomach rumbling interrupted his tirade.
“Yep, I’m all those things.” Agreeing, I stood with him in my arms and marched out of the bedroom, not stopping until I had deposited him on one of the barstools at the long counter. Popping the top off the still warm soup, I stuck a spoon in it, then slid it in front of him.
“Eat,” I ordered, pulling my phone out and quickly making an Insta-cart delivery order. Paying for the quickest service possible, I stuffed my phone back in my pocket, happy to see he was slowly eating spoonfuls of the wonderful smelling broth. “I ordered a test. It should be here by the time you eat and shower.”
“Mmmm,” he mumbled, finishing the last spoonful. “That was good, thank you.”
Smiling at him, I rinsed his container before tossing it in the trash. “You’re welcome.”
“I’m sorry I got angry,” he told me. “It’s just…I always wanted another baby after Wyatt. It just didn’t happen and I learned to accept it and be okay with it. And I was fine when the doctor told me I was starting the change. I was. I am. I just…for a second the thought that I was pregnant was like a long-lost dream come true. Even if we barely know each other and we haven’t been together for more than a minute, the thought of a baby made me so happy. But then I remembered it’s not possible, and I got so sad. And then mad you had even entertained the idea. Because I thought we were on the same page about my inability to give you another child.”
Rounding the bar, I loosely encircled his waist with my hands, soothing soft circles into his skin. “Hey, we are on the same page. I meant it when I said I could give two figs if we are able to have a child together. And I’m sorry you are feeling all those things. I promise if I’m wrong, I will make it up to you every single day of our lives.”
He bit his lower lip, looking younger than he was and unsure. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed when the test is negative. I…I don’t think I can take you looking at me with disappointment in your eyes. I’ve had enough of that in my life. I know I’m not anything special, but I just don’t think I can take seeing that look from you.”
My brows knitted together in concern. Robert had said a hell of a lot in those few short sentences. I knew his ex had made him feel weak and lacking in some way, and I really, really hoped I never met the woman in person. Because I wasn’t sure I would be able to even be civil to her, and I just might let my croc out to take a bite of her.
Shaking my head, I tried to remember that despite everything,she–because I refused to even call her by her given name–was still Wyatt’s mother and Julianna’s grandmother. She was going to be in our lives in some capacity. And yes, I said our lives, because no matter what the test showed, I was determined that Robert and I were going to have a future together. And that meant blending our families, which, sadly also meant that she, his ex, would occasionally be around for things.
But right now, none of that was what my omega needed to hear. He didn’t need me voicing my opinion about his shitty ex-wife.
“Hey,” tilting his chin up with a finger so that he was meeting my eyes, I somehow kept my voice calm and steady, soothing. Not letting any of my anger come through my voice, and trying to calm the hum of it through my veins. The last thing I wanted was for Robert to feel it through our bond and think it was directed at him. “I would never look at you like that. Especially over the ability, or lack of, to give me a child. Let’s go sit.”
Not giving him a choice, I tugged his hand until he slid from the bar stool, then held his arms tightly while I waited to see if his earlier dizziness was still there. Once I felt like he was steady enough, I steered us towards the comfort of his sofa.
Pulling him into my side, I settled his pink fuzzy blanket around his shoulders and back. Wrapping him in my arms, I wanted him to feel me all around him, snuggling him. I wanted to be Robert’s safe place to land, always.
He gave a tired little sigh, his muscles relaxing into me, resting his head in the crook of my neck.
“There is absolutely nothing you could ever do that would disappoint me.” Kissing the top of his head, I breathed the words against his hair. “I’m so sorry that someone that was supposed to love you ever treated you that way. I wish I could somehow make all of that vanish for you. I wish you could see yourself like I see you. How perfect you are. How capable, and smart. Funny and sexy. But most of all the thing I love about you the most–’ I stopped when I felt him tense again, realizing what I had said. The l word.
I had just said I loved Robert, in a roundabout way, but I had used the word. My own body tensed, and I sat for a few seconds, letting the word hang between us, not sure how he would react.
Swallowing thickly around the emotion clogging my throat, my chest, my heart. Because when I had realizedI was in love with someone that wasn’t Levi, the world hadn’t stopped. Disaster hadn’t hit. Nothing terrible, or wrong, had happened. That, in fact, I felt good about it, felt at peace with the realization. And I hoped Robert felt the same way that I did. Then, because I knew that I did actually mean the word, and hadn't just used it in an off-handed way that so many people did, I continued on.
“The thing I love most about you is your kindness. You’re a kind person, Robert, in a world that is often not kind. And that is truly something to not overlook in someone. It’s not a weakness, but probably one of the greatest strengths a person could possess. You’re kind and wonderful, and yes, I love you. I’ve fallen in love with you. And I know it’s probably way too soon to say that to you, but I don’t believe in not telling the people you love that you love them. Life is too short and you never know what could happen. You never know how much time you have.”
Or don’t have, went unsaid, but I knew that better than most people. Still, I didn’t know how Robert was going to respond to my spontaneous declaration. It wasn’t exactly the most romantic way I could have gone about it. He was ill, needed a shower, and might possibly be pregnant, and I decided that was the best time to start throwing out the love word like it was candy.
He didn’t look at me, didn’t tilt his head up so he could see my face. But he didn’t move away either, so I was going to count that asa small win.
