Page 76 of His Gentle Omega
“Oh, well…I mean, that has to be good, right? For him. To get help if he needs it.”
Shay shrugged, “I guess. I mean, yes. I don’t want to sound like a dick, because he does need help. But it’s delaying everything by at least ninety days, the length of his program.”
It dawned on me then exactly what he was trying to tell me. He didn’t want to pursue anything with me until he had completely closed the book on Edward. And now that wasn’t going to happen for much longer than he had anticipated.
“I’m sorry, Bennett,” he ran a frustrated hand through his thick hair, mussing it more than it already was from his time inthe pool. “Alpha Law is usually decided in thirty days or less, but now…the judge has agreed to postpone any hearings on anything until Edward finishes his rehab.”
Brow furrowed, I asked, “What does that mean for Lucas? He stays with you, right?”
Years ago, it wouldn’t have even been a question. The law had been written at a time when omegas had little to no rights. An alpha could declare Alpha Law for any reason, take his pups, and cut the omega completely out of their lives. The omegas could fight it, but seldom–if ever–won. But now, thankfully, things had changed. And while lawmakers were trying to get the law struck from the books, it was a slow process.
However, that didn’t mean judges still stood by it without giving the omega a fair hearing. And I knew for a fact the family law judge in Sweet Alps often ruled in favor of the omega parent. He wanted to hear from both sides, and weighed the evidence accordingly, treating it much like a custody hearing.
Which was wonderful in most cases but could very well work against Shay. The law had at least allowed him to escape, but it didn’t mean the judge wouldn’t decide in Edward’s favor and force him to hand Lucas over to his omega father. Hopefully the evidence against Edward would speak for itself on why that shouldn’t happen.
Shay nodded. “Yes, nothing changes for now. But Edward getting clean and sober could give him a better chance at visitation. Though, I have no doubt that Edward isn’t the one that will want to see Lucas, but his parents. I don’t know how I feel about that, to be honest. Regardless, Alex feels the rehab was a strategic move for them to stall things. Not only the Alpha Law hearing, but the assault charges as well. We’ll use the extra time to continue with my therapy, establish that I’m building astable life here. Lucas will be in school then, and I’ll…” he bit his lip, suddenly looking shy. “I hope to have my G.E.D by then. I’m studying every night, and well–” he smiled ruefully, “I might not be as dumb as I think I am. Except maybe when it comes to my questionable life choices.”
The implication of his words slammed into me, and I realized what Shay was admitting. He hadn’t graduated high school. That had to be something that weighed heavily on him. And the fact that he had admitted he felt he wasn’t that smart told me so many things. All of that made me want to wrap him in the biggest hug, and tell him how strong, smart, and beautiful I thought he was, on top of being an amazing father.
Because I couldn’tnottouch him any longer, I reached up to gently caress his cheek. With him standing in front of me, just the two of us, Ihadto touch him. The rest of the world was blocked out in this tiny room, forgotten, and it was just us. With barely an inch of space separating us, his body heat warmed me.
Turning his face into my palm, he closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of my skin.
“Oh Shay, having a diploma doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a piece of paper. You made some choices, and you didn’t graduate, but that has nothing to do with being smart or not.”
He shrugged, not meeting my eyes. “I just wanted you to know that things are taking longer than I expected. And,” he swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing, “I don’t expect you to wait for me to get my shit together. I know my life is a mess, and it might be for a very long time.”
Were we back to that again?“I…”
Well, what did I say to that? If I said I couldn’t imagine living my life with anyone but him–and Lucas–he would probably lookat me like I was crazy and run for the hills. He had just left a long, unstable relationship.
Did I tell him I felt like he was my future, that I had felt that way since the first time I had laid eyes on him, and that I would wait forever for him? Because that just sounded desperate as fuck, and slightly stalkerish.
“I’m still not ready for…whatever this thing is between us,” he continued, his eyes downcast. “I’m sorry. I feel like an asshole saying that. But I’m really trying to–”
Putting a finger over his lips, I whispered, “Stop talking.”
Eyes wide, he stared at me, looking sad and scared. He opened his mouth, but before he could say one more word, I firmly repeated, “Stop talking, Shay. I’m going to talk now, and you’re going to shut the fuck up.”
Well, that was a bit harsher than I intended, but it got my point across.
Nodding slowly in understanding, eyes wide, he remained silent.
“I get that you aren’t ready. I understand, I really do. I think, more than anyone, I can see how much you have on your shoulders, how much you are dealing with. Even now, I can tell you are stronger than you were just a couple of weeks ago. And I don’t think it’s a great idea when people…victims of abuse…” I wasn’t sure how he was going to take me saying that out loud, labeling him, but it was what he was.
He whispered, “Survivor. I’m a survivor. Tessa is making me see that I’m not a victim but a survivor.”
Smiling softly, I nodded, “She’s absolutely right. You are a survivor, and I won’t refer to you as a victim any longer.”
He shrugged his broad shoulders, like it didn’t matter one way or the other, but the fact that he had correctedme said so much. That he had said the words I knew had to be hard for him to admit to and label himself with, it meant something to him. And it should be something he was proud of. I never wanted to diminish that for him.
“I don’t think it’s a great idea for people coming out of abusive relationships to jump immediately into another relationship. It usually doesn’t end well. I admire you for admitting, and voicing, that you aren’t ready. That you need to put you and Lucas first. It shows just how smart and strong you are, Shay. But I’m not going to stand here and tell you this–any of this–is easy for me. Because it’s hard as fuck. My head gets it.” I tapped the side of my head with a finger. “My head understands it completely and is on board. But this,” my hand slid over my chest, over my heart, “this hurts. This is not happy about any of this. This is not on board, and my head and my heart? They are at war with each other. I thought today would be easy. I thought I could handle it. But seeing Lucas, seeing you, not being able to touch you…it’s killing me.”
Shay’s blue eyes flared with heat, and I swore the temperature in the room shot up ten degrees. Both his hands cupped the sides of my face, in a move that always made me swoon when it happened in the movies. Experiencing it in real life nearly made my knees buckle.
Shay lowered his head slowly towards me, his eyes searching mine, for me to protest, to stop him. Wasn’t going to happen, even though I knew I should.
His mouth inched closer, his warm breath tinged with the slightest scent of beer, ghosted over my waiting lips, before capturing them with his own.
