Page 73 of Knot Their Girl
The kiss is sweet, tender, and while the old me would’ve resisted, the new me surrenders. I let him kiss me, comfort me, and I kiss him right back.
It’s a terrifying thing, to have found something you were never looking for, something you claimed you didn’t want. A truly terrifying thing to be proven wrong in every possible way. God, how wrong I was.
Colter and I lay back down, our mouths still locked together, and it’s only after a minute or two that he pulls his lips off mine and gazes deeply into my eyes. His hand finds my lower back, and he holds me against him as he leans his forehead upon mine.
So close. So intimate even though our clothes are on. It almost doesn’t feel real.
I don’t know how much time passes before there’s a knock on my door. I’m calm enough that I’m able to say, “Come in.” And I mean it. I want the others to come in. I suppose… I want them in here, just as I want Colter.
Pax opens the door, the first to step inside, and Gideon isn’t far behind him. The alphas are hesitant as they move toward thebed. Gideon instantly notices the fact that Colter’s hoodie is off, but he doesn’t address it; his focus remains on me.
I sigh and pat the bed behind me, inviting the alphas to come on up. At this point, why not?
Gideon glances to Pax, who gives him a short nod, and he takes off his shoes before he crawls onto the bed and lays behind me. I feel the alpha’s hand on my hip, his fingers brushing the skin just beneath the hem of my shirt.
Pax sits on the other side of Colter. He does not recline; he simply stares down at me, an unreadable expression on his face. He lets out a long, hard breath, and he does something then that alphas rarely do: he apologizes. “I’m sorry I freaked. I… was angry. I thought you were hurting yourself. I don’t like the thought of you taking those things.”
“I’m sorry, too,” I mutter. “I shouldn’t have hidden it from you—”
“No,” he interrupts me. “You don’t need to apologize. You were only trying to protect yourself, keep yourself safe in the only way you knew how. But you don’t need to.”
“I know.”
“Gideon is going to contact his family doctor in the morning to make you an appointment. We need to get you checked out, make sure those shots don’t come with any side effects. They aren’t approved by the FOA, so I assume you got them somewhere less than legally.”
Getting things like that is easy when you have money. I start, “I got them from—”
Pax holds up a hand. “No. I don’t want to know.”
I quiet down. Going to the doctors might be a good idea, I suppose. As far as I know, the scent dampeners were only supposed to stop me from going quite as crazy when around yummy-smelling alphas, not nullify my entire sense of smell. Ihate to admit that Pax is right, but maybe cutting myself off would be a good thing.
“Everything’s going to be all right, Raeka,” Pax says, his voice gentle. “We can take care of you, but you have to let us.”
He says it like it’s the easiest thing in the world, me letting them handle things. Me letting them take care of me. It’s not. It’s not something I’m used to, and it hasn’t ever been something I wanted. Yet, when he says it, when that low, masculine voice falls upon my ears and informs me that I have to let them take care of me, only one word comes out of me: “Okay.”
Okay. That’s all they’ll get from me tonight. It’s not much, but it’s enough.
It’s a start.
Chapter Thirty-One – Raeka
I never liked doctors. The hospitals and their offices always have that smell. Sterile, like it’s been bleached too many times. If you know, you know. Thankfully, with my lack of smell, this time I don’t smell a thing. A teeny, tiny bright side in this big mess that is currently my life.
I sit with Gideon as we wait in a small room for the results to come back. Pax stayed home with Colter, though I could tell he was dying to accompany us today. Gideon had to explain what was going on to the doctor, and apparently the doctor already knew about the not-so-legal scent dampeners. I’m not the first omega to come to her office thanks to them.
“You know, if the FOA—” The Federal Omega Association, in charge of overseeing all omega health and safety throughout the country. “—would have scientists working on actual scent dampening shots or pills or whatever, omegas wouldn’t need to resort to things like this,” I say in a huff.
But, of course, why would the FOA approve of anything that stops omegas from matching with alphas? The country needs all the babies it can get. Babies are future members of society, future tax payers. Future opportunities.
“I know,” Gideon says, squeezing my hand. He’s held it ever since we arrived, and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to let go anytime soon. The alpha dragged a chair next to the one I sit in, and the way he holds onto me is a lifeline.
It’s… not the worst feeling.
“We’re given an illusion of choice, but that’s just it: an illusion. In the end, we’re expected to play our part,” I mumble. “And if we want to do anything that doesn’t involve popping out babies? Too damn bad.”
“Raeka,” he whispers, squeezing my hand again. “You know it won’t be like that for us, right? If you don’t want to have children, then that’s what I want, too.” He’s probably only saying that because he had his hands full with Colter all these years, but I can appreciate the sentiment.
“You think Pax feels the same?” Now’s not the best time to announce that I have an implant, but I almost say it.
