Page 37 of Knot Their Girl
I’m not someone who’s used to comforting anybody. I don’t do well dealing with these emotions, never had to.
Maybe it’s due to the fact that I feel guilty for what I did with Raeka, or maybe it’s a different reason altogether. Regardless, I find myself saying, “You’re his guardian. It’s your job to push him.”
“Yes, but… if he’s pushed too hard, he—” Gideon stops himself from saying whatever he was going to say, turning the tables around on me as his blue gaze examines me from behind his glasses. “You seem tense. Did something happen in the city?”
Fuck. I don’t know how much I should tell him, or if I should just hand in my resignation now. Figuratively, of course, seeing as how I haven’t typed anything out yet.
My silence must tell him enough, because he shakes his head and mutters, “Something happened, didn’t it?”
“No,” I say, but that word doesn’t feel right, so I go on, “and yes. Nothing happened per se, but at the same time, enough happened that I—” I swallow hard. “—I’m afraid I’m not the man for the job, Gideon.” It’s not in my nature to give up or confess failure. It’s like pulling teeth, only worse.
His brows come together. “What is it?”
“Something happened with Raeka.” I don’t like answering to anyone, but right now, Gideon is basically my boss, even if this particular job is about to come to an end.
He leans back. “Did an alpha try something with her?”
“An alpha did.”
“But you handled it, right?” Something changes in him, something small, something most might not notice—but I do. I see the concern lining his features, the way his mouth thins as he glances behind us at the house, as if trying to spot Raeka through one of its windows. “Is she all right?”
The thought that, perhaps, Gideon cares more about her than he should crosses my mind, but I work to stifle that jealousy down. I can’t forget, when the world looks in on this house, they’ll see him with Raeka, not Colter. It’s good he can act like he cares for her; it’ll make it more believable.
“She’s fine, but…” I close my eyes and stand, walk a few feet away from Gideon and give him my back as I fold my arms over my chest. Eventually, I open my eyes to stare out at the thick forest beyond the grassy part of the yard. “I can’t be here anymore.”
“You…” He trails off after that, and the next time he speaks, he sounds different: “Oh.”
Oh. Oh indeed.
Gideon stands and moves beside me, though he doesn’t gaze out at the yard, but at me. “What happened, Pax?”
“I don’t even know. I was driving us back after her lunch with her friend, but something was wrong with her. I could sense it, and it bothered me. I couldn’t let it go. She tried to tell me it was nothing, but I… I used my dominance on her. I shouldn’t have.” I’ve never felt more regretful about anything in my life before, but exerting my dominance over Raeka? That takes the cake.
“That doesn’t sound so bad.”
“Then she got out of the car and started to march away. I had to park and go after her. She wouldn’t come back with me, so I had to pick her up. She…” The memory of her whining fills me with unease, even now. “She whined.”
“Well, I’m sure she can understand why you had to do what you did—”
“No,” I cut in, shooting him a look. “I mean, shewhined, and it was like something in me just snapped. Broke. Melted. However you want to describe it. My only goal was getting her back to the car and comforting her.”
Gideon asks quietly, “And did you?” I detect no judgment in his voice, nor any anger, and that makes it worse. He’s such a laid-back alpha, so out of the norm. Weird.
“You could say that,” I speak bitterly. “She slicked, and the only reason things didn’t escalate further was because another alpha came and reminded us we were in public, that I needed to get her home and take care of her.” I turn towards him. “And I still want to. I know she’s somewhere in that house, and even now, I’m dying to go find her. Fucking dying.” An annoyed chuckle comes from me, a sound I don’t typically make. “It’s the dumbest thing. I couldn’t explain it to you if I tried.”
“She makes you feel things.”
“Yeah.”
“Things you have no right to.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Things that,” Gideon pauses, “should be easily ignored, especially since she does her best to cover up her scent. I can only imagine how good she smelled when she…” He must not be able to make himself say it:slicked.
“So you understand, then, why I can’t do the job?”
The look he gives me tells me I’m crazy, but he sounds as level-headed as always when he says, “She claims she doesn’t want an alpha, yet you clearly have some kind of connection to her. I’d be a fool to think she can get by forever, even if she does end up pursuing my nephew. I’m not going to tell you to leave, but if you want to go, I won’t stop you, either—and I won’t try tocontrol Raeka. Regardless of what the world might think, I don’t own her.”
