Page 44 of Knot Their Girl
Gideon leads me to his office, and as I walk I hang my head low and tug at the sleeves’ fabric around my wrists. The hoodie is still baggy on me, and it strangely provides a bit of comfort. It’s soft and warm, and even though I can’t smell it, I know it smells like Colter.
When we reach his office, I find Pax is already there, standing in the corner with his arms folded over his chest and the muscles on his forearms bulging. Those arms really are something. He glances at Gideon, but that intense stare immediately falls upon me, where it remains even after Gideon instructs I take a seat.
“So,” I break the awkward silence in the room, aware both alphas currently stare at me. “So, uh…” Normally I know exactly what to say. I don’t really stumble over my words, but here, today, it’s different.
“After Pax informed me of what happened yesterday, he told me he doesn’t know whether he can continue doing the job,” Gideon says once he’s seated on the other side of the desk. He folds his hands on his lap as he leans back, holding my stare. “Hetold me he wants to quit and that he can find another alpha to take his place.”
As he says that, I can’t help but hold my breath. My heart does something weird in my chest, too; it’s as if my entire body is trying to scream, like it wants to voice its disagreement. I don’t want Pax to leave. Of course I don’t, but if we have to say goodbye, then… I guess I understand. He’ll only be a distraction to me if yesterday was any indication.
Gideon studies me hard, and I wonder if he can read my thoughts, though it’s more probable he’s reading my body language. “Is that what you want?”
I clearly am not expecting that question, because all I can do is blink and say, “What?”
He repeats it, “Is that what you want? Do you want Pax to go? After he expressed his intent to leave, we came to the conclusion that perhaps you should be the one to decide. So, Raeka, do you want Pax to leave, or do you want him to stay?”
“I don’t—” I shake my head once. “—I don’t get it. Why is it my decision? Why are you letting me choose? Shouldn’t it be your decision, since technically both Pax and I are here because of you?”
“I don’t own you, nor does my nephew. Your freedom has always been important to you, so I’m leaving the decision in your hands. Do you want Pax to stay, or do you want him to leave? Keeping in mind that, if he leaves, you might never see him again.”
The way he says that last part makes me think he’s trying to convince me to let Pax stay, that he wants Pax to stay just as much as he knows I do, but that doesn’t really make sense… does it?
I shift around in the chair, slow to glance at Pax. The way he’s staring at me makes me think he’s conflicted; he doesn’t want to leave, but at the same time, he knows if he stays we mightfind ourselves in the same predicament again, and the next time we’re too close for comfort, there might not be a random female alpha ready to step in and remind us of how inappropriate our closeness is.
Are we willing to take that risk? For someone who claimed she hated alphas, that one found himself under my skin pretty freaking quickly, didn’t he?
And that says nothing about the peculiar alpha sitting across from me, waiting to hear my decision. There’s something about him that makes me curious, too, something that pulls me in in spite of it all.
Shit. I’m in deep and I don’t even know it, huh?
If I was a stronger woman, I might do the right thing. I might tell Gideon that Pax should leave. But, unfortunately for us all, I am learning that I’m much weaker than I thought I was, because all I can say is, “I don’t want him to go. I want him to stay.”
Now both alphas in the room are watching me with expressions that make me want to crawl under a blanket and hide. Pax is still super intense, but something else is laced in those emerald eyes that make me want to squirm and squeeze my thighs together, and Gideon radiates a quiet intensity that I overlooked before, like he knew what my answer would be before I even spoke it.
Gideon looks to Pax. “Well? You heard her as well as I did. She wants you to stay. Will you?”
Pax answers him while staring straight at me: “How could I go?”
I stand. “Now, if you two will excuse me, I have to shower.” I slip out of the room before either alpha can say a word. The longer I stew in their testosterone and pheromones, the weaker-willed I am. For some reason they affect me when they absolutely shouldn’t.
Once I’m out of the room, I race upstairs, and I only stop hurrying when I’m alone in the bathroom, with my shower caddy, the door locked. Those two have me flustered more than they have any right to, and I don’t know how to calm myself down.
I end up taking a much longer shower than is necessary—for all the good it does me, which is none, because when I stroll into my bedroom afterward, I find Pax standing near my bed. So much for putting some space between us.
I set my shower caddy down and pretend the rapid beating of my heart is simply due to the fact that he stands so close to my bed, where I hid my slick-covered panties and my injections, and not for any other reason. “Didn’t know you’re auditioning for creep of the year,” I say dryly, and the scowl that forms on his handsome face afterward makes me grin. “For what it’s worth, I definitely think you’re up there in the running. You have my vote.”
His jaw grinds, but he doesn’t say a word.
“Care to share with the class why you’re auditioning for the role of creeper, or should I just guess?”
Pax’s hands flex at his sides, though they relax for a few seconds before flexing again. In a constant cycle, the alpha appears oddly conflicted. “Why’d you tell me to stay?” His voice comes out low, almost deadly, and I fight the immediate shiver that surfaces on my spine.
A voice like that I can easily imagine whispering other things to me.
“Because… I didn’t want you to go.” A lame answer, one he doesn’t accept.
“Why not?”
I run a hand through my damp hair and shrug. “I want you to stay.”
