Page 139 of Fractured Future
Ember sees the world in a unique way. She strips all the bullshit away to get to the core of what matters. Right now, Luke matters. Raising him. Making him feel loved. I can’t do that as half a man.
“You have a big heart, Em.”
“I’m just telling it how it is.” She speaks without looking at me. “You’re punishing yourself for stuff you couldn’t control back then.”
Sidling around the counter, I dare to reach for her hand. When her fingers slide against mine, an intense longing seizes me, obliterating every last misgiving I hold about whatever this is.
Two blue-grey celestites full of unresolved pain flit up to me. She’s still holding it all in. Denying herself the possibility of leaning on anyone but herself.
“I know how much that shit hurts.”
“How would you know?” I ask softly.
“Don’t push it, Hy.”
“It’s a simple enough question.”
“I’ve only done two therapy sessions guised as some debrief crap.” Her lips form a thin smile. “I’m not going further than that.”
Battling my own smile, I’m desperate to lean into her beckoning personal space and tuck a fiery-red strand behind her ear. Even if she’d stab me for it.
“Answer my question, and I’ll make sure Axel repaints your bedroom whatever shade you want. And he has to apologise for being an asshole.”
“What if he won’t?” Ember challenges.
“He’ll have to live with no fucking limbs.”
“Hm. I like that idea.”
Licking her bottom lip, she peers at me through devilishly thick lashes. Fuck me, the way I’d happily fall into those curiously mixed eyes and let myself be crushed by her internal gravity.
“How do you know it hurts, Em?” I push her.
Teeth repeatedly sinking into her lip, the war that unfolds on her oval face makes my fingers twitch. I won’t cross a line with her again. That’s what I have to tell myself. That’s the law I must live by.
“I didn’t hurt Gracie.” Ember blinks rapidly. “But I hate myself for it anyway. Just like you hate yourself for how your family got hurt.”
“It wasn’t your job to protect her.”
“I don’t care. I still failed at it.”
Needing to do something to stop the chasm in my chest from opening further and sucking in all the reasons why I shouldn’t touch her again, I dare to inch a little closer.
“I failed them too,” I whisper back, my gaze straying over to Luke, watching a movie. “People I was supposed to protect. It eats you up inside.”
Ember silently nods.
“Every time I help a client or solve a case, it heals a bit of that pain. Not all of it—I don’t think those scars will ever heal. But it helps enough for me to continue living.”
When her gaze lifts to meet mine, I feel like my heart is going to spill from my throat. The lost look on her face is tempered by an almost imperceptible flicker of hope.
“You’re gonna get there too, red. I know you will.”
“I think you have a lot of faith for someone who’s barely looked at me in days.” She tears her eyes from mine to stare out the window.
Overcome by conflicting emotions, I can’t stop myself from brushing loose, velvety hair over her shoulder.
“You know why I can’t look, Em. Why I can’t do this with you.”
