Page 28 of Her Shadow so Dark and Lovely
If I had thoughtthat searching Sila’s desk was too intimate, then I don’t know what level of intimacy it is to sit and read her research journals. I circle around, first leaning over the desk to flick through the book currently propped open on the stand. I stare at it, mouth slack and eyes wide. It is a book on curses. Its pages record known cases and their details, and as I flick through it, my stomach churns. Very few of them end well.
I set it aside. Sila’s desk is a place of orderly disarray and beautiful things. Everything seems cared for, but the only thing that appears to have its place is an exquisitely turned dip pen. It’s worn soft where Sila’s fingers must hold it, and sits nestled against the ink well on a stand. Sila favours a deep red ink, apparently. Somehow, I thought she’d use a black.
I finally come back to the journal. I remind myself I have permission to read it, even if it will take some time to decipher her handwriting with its elaborate curls and occasional shorthand. Her shorthand is archaic too, but as the hours wear on, I start to pick it up. Near the beginning, I notice my name and flick back to the start of the entry.
Known:
Lacerations to torso. Bruising, shoulders, neck, waist, knees, fingers. Broken fingers. Broken ribs. Fever.
The mark was found in her room, jammed against the wall in the corner. Assumed that she was trying to cool her skin with the stone.
The mark had dug her nails into her skin. Assumed that the broken fingers are because of her grip.
The mark would not let go. The mark did not make a single noise despite obvious injuries.
Additional information:
Burns to the throat.
The mark has woken, seems unaware of her surroundings. Unable to speak, the physician confirmed burns to the throat. Affliction is clearly magical in nature.
The mark is listless. Concerns about her mental state.
The mark continues to recover well physically.
…
Additional information:
Silenced.
The scribe has returned to work in full health. After further interrogation, the scribe confirmed they are not only unable tospeak, they cannot make any verbal sound. Scribe confirmed silencing related to prior events. I don’t believe this to be related to the burns in the throat. Requires further research.
The scribe was sent back to the infirmary after cutting hand with a sharpening knife. While the scribe appears in full health, she seems unsettled. Neglecting needs. Clearly did not partake of the morning meal, appears to be sleeping restlessly.
Additional information:
Memory loss.
Lorel relates loss of voice and cause of prior violence to finding and reading a book. Confirmed loss of memory between reading a book and waking in the infirmary. Must try to locate said book to confirm suspicions.
Additional information:
Curse mark growing. Fever, repeated.
Lorel and her peers were poisoned. One scribe has died, and two are in recovery. Lorel has unusual symptoms not present in the surviving two. She is feverish again, and I have learned there is a curse mark upon her skin. She has confirmed it is growing at a rapid pace, and began six and a half weeks ago, when I found her. Unsure if the curse mark is damning or protecting her. Need to confirm where the curse mark comes from.
Book is still missing, in spite of a thorough search of the scriptorium, Library, and Lorel’s rooms. Suspect I know the location of the book.
There is space for further notes below, and then it continues on with her research and theories. Almost two months of questions and answers that lead to more questions. Notes from books she’s read on curses, magical ailments, anything, it seems, that she thought might be relevant. The curse stirs in my chest, as if it can hear me thinking of it. It settles again quickly and I feel as if I have been admonished for waking it.
There are further notes about me scattered throughout. They start with ‘the mark’ and end with ‘Lorel’ and I don’t want to think too hard about what that means, because it was hard enough to believe that she was an ancient true fae. I had no need to entertain any other thoughts about her that I could not believe to be true. That way madness truly lies.
Her most recent notes in the journal grow increasingly frustrated as each researched recounting of a curse victim ends in violent death. Only, as I read, I wonder if Sila’s frustration has clouded her thoughts because in every historical account of a curse mark, the violence is always at the end. Mine began with violence, even if it came from my own hand. There is not a single mention of a curse victim almost dying at the inception of their curse— only ever at the end. In fact, by these accounts, they are almost always in good health and spirits at the start.
It doesn’t change that Sila is right that the only place left to look for the book is in the Heart of the Library.
The Heart terrifies me as much as it excites me. You don’t live in the Library and not wonder at its secrets. Wonder at going down all those flights of stairs and down again into the dark, where the gateway to the Heart of the Library sits. Only thoseattuned to the Library’s Heart could open it, and the only ones attuned to the Library were the Librarians themselves.
