Page 96 of Darling Wildfire
The memory of watching him touch himself as I came down Red’s throat jumped into my head but I quickly shied away from it. After what Vetticus did, was I allowed to think about Atlas that way? Or was that now a product of Vetticus’ abuse? Did I want another man touching me sexuallyafter everything I’d just endured?
I pushed it all from my mind. Those were questions for another day—one day.
Instead, I nodded and gave him a small but grateful smile.
“Yeah, we’re in this together.”
47
ATLAS
A few days later, I woke up abruptly and lay in the darkness wondering why. Then I heard sounds coming from the bathroom and saw Nyx’s bed was empty. I walked over and stood in the doorway watching as he punched the tiled wall, methodically, his knuckles already bleeding. I reached out a hand and touched his shoulder. He rounded on me, his hand going to my throat and he pushed me hard up against the wall with a snarl.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” he hissed.
My hands stayed by my sides even though the impact jarred my shoulder something terrible. My jaw tightened at the jolt of pain and his eyes immediately dipped to the bandaged wound. He cursed and instantly let me go. He turned and ran both hands through his hair, making it stand up on end. I hated seeing him like this, leaning heavily over the sink with both hands flat on the tile and his head bowed between his shoulders. He was usually the one with all the quips, the dark humor and the shadows in his eyes that just begged to come out and wreak havoc. I hated to see him hurting and knowing there wasn’t anything I could do to help.
“Nyx,” I said.
He looked at me in the mirror. The moon’s weak beams filtered through the skylight above us, flashing briefly in the blackness of his eyes.
“Talk to me, Nyx,” I whispered.
He bared his teeth in annoyance and shook his head as he looked away. “Fuck off. I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I know but—how can I help you?”
He rounded on me again but didn’t lash out this time.
“You can’t help me—it’s all up here,” Nyx hissed, pointing to his head. “That fucker dug himself under my skin and I can’t—I can’t get him out. I’m too weak—”
“You’re not fucking weak,” I snarled, taking a steptowards him as my own anger flared. “I see you, I know you and I would never use that word anywhere close to you.”
He shook his head again as though I didn’t understand. “I can deal with pain, Atlas,” Nyx said. “But he—he drugged me and then touched me. He broke through every wall, associating touch and pleasure with something so vile I can’t even bear to think about it now!”
My blood ran cold then hot as fury flooded me so fiercely I couldn’t breathe. Thinking something like that had happened and actually hearing it from Nyx’s mouth were two very different things.
“You know, I think I even could have handled the abuse if it had just been purely sexual,” Nyx rasped, his voice heavy with annoyance and pain. “But he used that pain drug on me again and he talked the entire time. He knew things—things about my past, about people I loved, and he used it all against me.”
He leaned back heavily against the counter and dug his hands into his hair.
“We’re his obsession,” Nyx said flatly. “He gets off on everything. All of it. Watching us—controlling us.”
I bared my teeth and took another step towards him, horrified by his words but also pissed the fuck off.
“No, he is not in control,” I growled.
“But heis, Atlas.” Nyx looked up at me and I saw something that scared me more than anything he’d just said.
I saw defeat.
I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and shoved him hard against the counter.
“You do not give in to him,” I said viciously.
“You weren’t there,” he snapped. “You don’t know what it was like.”
He shoved at my chest but I didn’t budge.
