Page 181 of Darling Wildfire
I left her.
“What are the odds of finding someone?” My voice came out hoarse.
Gabriel hesitated but shook his head. “Not ideal. There are a lot of variables.”
I could still feel the knife in my hand. Her shaking sobs assaulted me anew. I closed my eyes briefly and shoved the memory away.
“Can you get me the records from the boarding house?” I asked.
“I’ll have my men bring them over tomorrow morning. This particular boarding house we’ve been watching for a while, which is why I say it had to have been over a year ago that she was there because we’ve been sitting on this one for nearly eight months.”
I nodded and stood up, leaving my sandwich untouched. I grabbed the bottle of whiskey before heading towards the back of the house where I’d seen a patio with some chairs. The alcohol sat like a weight in my stomach, heavy and unyielding. I collapsed into a plastic chair. It protested as I sagged forward over my forearms, bottle dangling between my legs. I took another drink and leaned back.
I’d thought she was dead for so long. Isawit happen.
But you didn’t confirm it. You should always confirm it.
What if this time she was really dead? What if she died before I could get to her? I didn’t know what I would do if we found out she was actually dead. It would be like losing her all over again except the guilt would drown me. I had a decade of time available to me to search for her if I had known she was out there.
I took another drink, trying to drown the sick feeling but it only made me feel worse.
I heard the door open and Knight settled in a chair next to me, reaching for the bottle. I let him take it and we sat in silence drinking for a while.
“She must hate me,” I said finally, staring off across the sloping lawn of the safe house. “I–Ihurther and then—abandonedher.” My voice broke. “I could have been spending all of this time searching for her!”
I stood up, fury rising in me as I paced the length of the stone laid patio.
“You didn’t know,” Knight said.
“No, but I should have,” I snarled. “I–Isawhim shoot her. Isawhim shoot her in thehead, Trent.”
I paced some more, trying to keep my emotions at bay but like the storm rolling in above us, it was getting harder to hold it all in.
“What kind of father gives up on their kid?” I stopped, my back to Knight, running a hand over my face to get rid of the tears silently falling. “I fucking failed her.”
“You haven’t failed,” Knight said.
“Yes I have…too many times to count,” I growled.
Knight came to stand next to me and I took the bottle he extended my way.
“Well, now you have another chance,” he said.
“What if she really is dead this time?” I muttered after taking a sip.
“Then nothing changes and you continue with your plan for revenge.”
“It’ll be like losing her all over again.”
Knight nodded. “Probably.”
“You’re a great pep talker, you know that?” I grumbled, handing him the bottle back.
He laughed and nudged my shoulder. “You know it’s not one of my strong suits.”
“But you’re always there for me anyway,” I sighed.
“You’re stuck with me, old man,” Knight said, taking a long drink.
