Page 154 of Darling Wildfire
Some guest—destroying my friend’s house. Before I could apologize, Knight spoke up.
“Mine was the kitchen.” I looked up and saw Knight leaning against the doorway. “One night I lost it and destroyed the kitchen. Glass everywhere,” he gave me one of his rueful smiles and shrugged. “Felt good at the time. It’s just stuff.”
“Now do you want to talk about them?” Nyx asked.
I never knew what people meant by heartbreak until now.
The grief was so strong, the rage so potent—I could feel it as a tangible, solid thing inside me, but I nodded, needing an outlet.
“I was married,” I said. “We had twins. Cole and Emersyn—Emy—”
I told them all about how I’d met Whit. I talked about how much of a handful the twins were but also how much fun it was to see the world through their eyes. I talked about the adventures we’d go on as a family and how much I didn’t realize they’d helped heal me after being around so much death.
Then I told them about the lake house.
By the time I was done, my voice was hoarse and I was exhausted, but I felt much better. They deserved to know everything because I wouldn’t stop until Vetticus was destroyed.
“There is nothing I won’t do to get my revenge,” I said. “Nothing is more important to me.”
Nyx nodded and when he stood up he held out his hand to help me to my feet.
“I wouldn’t have made it throughAtroxwithout you,” Nyx said, gripping my forearm as I stood. “Even if that wasn’t the case—even if I didn’t owe you everything and then some—I have a score to settle with Vetticus. I’m not going anywhere.”
Atlas put his hand on my shoulder. “We’re with you till the end.”
Since none of us could go back to sleep after that, Knight threw some water in a pack and herded us all outside, claiming there was something he wanted to show us. Five miles later, amidst complaints from Nyx on walking this far on an empty stomach, we broke through the trees and arrived on the top of a bluff. Before us was a vast blanket of forest touched by pinks and golds as the sun broke the horizon. A sense of peace swept over me. Knight handed me a water bottle and nodded behind him.
“There are a few cool spots over that way,” he winked at me before he went and settled on a rock he’d obviously visited many times before.
I wandered around the bluff and eventually found a spot I liked. I sat downand watched the sunrise over the forest, letting the calm settle into my bones. It had been a while since I’d felt safe and I probably wouldn’t feel that way for a long time to come. The path forward was bloody, dark and merciless.
Violence was in my blood. Preacher had been right in his worry—it was easy to lose yourself to the darkness and I’d lost a part of myself to Vetticus. Although truthfully, I was beginning to wonder if I’d ever really found it again after my last deployment. It was easy to see blood as the path to redemption. My humanity was questionable now, what would it be once all of this was over? All I knew was that humanity was just one thing I’d sacrifice for retribution.
I put three stones on top of each other and once more put my family to rest, but with closure this time. With love and grief and heartbreak and with the promise that I wouldn’t let them down again. I kissed my fingertips, brought them to the stones and sent one last yearning of the heart out into the universe. If there was a heaven, I wasn’t under any illusions that I would join them, so this was my goodbye. I rose and went to find Nyx.
I found him glaring into the sunset with a pile of broken sticks in front of him. I sat down next to him and let the silence stretch for a bit.
“I’m just so angry,” Nyx finally said. “He’s made me question everything—”
“What do you mean?”
“What if what I have with Atlas is only because of what Vetticus did to me?”
“Do you love Atlas?”
Nyx hesitated then nodded and the anger fell off his face slightly at the admission.
“I do. I-I don’t think I’m gay. I think we’re just us, you know? I can’t imagine being with other men except for him—and you.” He flashed me one of his rogue smiles and I chuckled.
“You know I don’t lean that way. But if I did—you and Atlas would be it,” I grinned.
Nyx shrugged good naturedly and the rest of the anger fell away. “It was worth a shot.”
“I like to share though,” I said. “Watching you both with Red and sharing her was hot. I wouldn’t mind having that kind of situation one day.”
“Maybe we’ll find a girl for all of us at the end of this,” Nyx said.
“Maybe,” I echoed.
