Page 64 of Red Rabbit
It is through darkness, we find the stars.
Somewhere between the soul and the self,
we find what we’re made of.
23
KAELIN
We made it out of the Warren and I was finally free but I was barely holding it together. After my complete breakdown with Paxton, my mind felt unstable, like it could float away and leave me behind at any second. The only clarity I had was when I was in front of the computers. Now all that stood between me and insanity was the adrenaline. Once that faded, I wasn’t sure what would be left behind with the pain and I was scared.
Graham also worried me when I saw the pain and suffering in his eyes. Whatever he and Cooper went through was dark and cut deep. Only a very broken human being could do what Cooper was doing in the Warren—Human trafficking to fund his science project. And gain test subjects. I had no doubts he used some of those women for his psychological tests. It made my blood run cold to think of the horrors he was committing in that place. Even though I knew the technology was possible and even though I technically possessed the skills to figure it out, I would never have a hand in something so dark. It would require me to lose myself to a darkness no one could come back from.
We found an abandoned building that looked like it was once an old wildfire base and while Graham scouted the area, I went into the bathroom. The adrenaline that was keeping me on my feet and the pain at bay was wearing thin.
Now I was out of the Warren, everything hurt and my head felt like it was going to explode. Whatever drug I’d been under earlier gave me a nasty hangover.
I cleaned up a few of the minor cuts and scrapes and tried to get all the blood off of me but I only made a mess. I wanted to shower so badly. I still felt Paxton between my legs and the thought of his touch was making me want to claw out of my own skin. My hand was shaking badly as I cleaned the cut on my forehead from where Paxton shoved me into the headboard. The memories hovered right under the surface and they threatened to overwhelm me.
I was startled when a hand covered mine. Graham gently took the cloth from me and without a word finished cleaning my forehead. I tensed when his other hand gently came up to my chin and he tilted my face so he could see a cut on my cheek. He gently dabbed at it and when his eyes flickered to mine, my face burned hot. The shame overwhelmed me, making me want to dissolve away into nothing.
“I saw you die,” I whispered, barely able to speak with the emotions bent on strangling me.
“I did get shot,” he said dryly. “But it went straight through my side. Thankfully it didn’t hit anything vital but it did take me time to recover.”
“Thank you—for coming back for me.”
His fingers holding my chin grazed across my skin with the barest touch as though he was afraid I’d fall apart if he did anything more.
I wasn’t convinced I wouldn’t.
“I’m no hero,” he said quietly. His own eyes were haunted and grim. “Don’t start thinking I’m a good man, sweetheart.”
“Not a chance,” I said. “We’re in hell Graham. There aren’t any heroes here.” I turned away from him and tried to hide awince as pain shot up my side. “Just a lot of broken people,” I gritted out.
I tried to step by him but my leg buckled and he put a hand on my side to steady me. The pain was mind numbing and I yelped and nearly collapsed against the wall as I tried to bat his hand away.
“Don’t—” I gasped, fighting to breathe.
“What is it?” He looked at me in alarm.
“Nothing—” His hand was still on my hip and his fingers tightened experimentally. I whimpered in pain and tried to pull away from him.
“That doesn’t look like nothing—”
“It’s fine—” I said. Panic gripped me and I felt claustrophobic as he loomed over me. He saw my reaction and took his hands off me but his eyes were dark and dangerous.
“Kaelin, take off your pants.”
“Graham—I’ll take care of it.”
“Now or I’ll do it for you,” he growled. I started to hyperventilate and he must have seen he was making things worse because he took a deep breath and the darkness receded slightly from his eyes.
“Kaelin—let me see,” he said in a much gentler tone.
I feared to show him the extent of the damage. I was already so fragile I felt like I was going to break apart if I didn’t have anything holding me together. But deep down I knew I needed help so with trembling fingers I unbuttoned my pants and slowly dragged them down. I winced as I pulled the fabric away from my hip. A muttered curse escaped him when he saw the extent of the damage and a shadow crossed his face. I saw his fists clench at his sides before he knelt down in front of me.
“Kaelin—fuck—,” he breathed.
