Page 22 of The Secrets of Jane: Reborn
I also can’t ask that of him. HowcouldI? He’s not just a mercenary to hire, a lone man. He’s the leader of many, and I could never guarantee his safety.
My lips part, but it’s a struggle to articulate the totality of it all.
I hear him move, and yet it still startles me when Soren’s firm, yet gentle, hand touches my chin to lift my head—he scooted to the edge of his seat to reach me. The desire to give my heart to him, and to not think twice about it, deepens when he looks like nothing butstrength. I’m high on him, and this is more than physical.
Romantic thoughts flood me with his touch, ones that are dangerously persuasive. It hurts even more because it’s just a glimpse of what wecouldbe.
I was so fucking close to a life I longed for.
Still leaning over, Soren’s hand moves to tuck my hair behind my ear before pulling his fingers through just how I like. “You are defeated, Jane.”
I don’t answer. Instead, I let my gaze roam his face, memorizing every tiny detail of him, even the dark roots of his eyelashes and the spots where his stubble doesn’t grow because of the scars, in case I don’t get to again.
“Let’s get something straight, too,” Soren says, my body relaxing to the sound of his voice, even if I know better. “You didn’t develop affection for me because it wasnecessaryforsurvival.” I clench my jaw, and the deep pit in my gut is nearly instantly filled. “You opened your heart to me for areason, so don’t remove me now. Don’t act as if you suddenly have to do everything alone.”
The way his gaze hardens tells me he’s already pillaged every emotion of mine.
Lying is pointless to him.
“What other choice do I have? Not only is it safest for everyone, but also a lot easier to hide when it’s just one person. And I’ll be damned if I don’t get to gut every last person involved who ruined my family.”
“So you’d lead me on and then leave?” he asks, although he looks more angry than upset, like he’s making a point. “I meant it when I said if someone else makes you speak of love, they won’t live long, even if I have to do that to every man until I’m all that’s left.”
That’sthe romance none of the villagers were ever able to give me—I don’t know if hetrulymeans that, but the intensity of such a statement is so tempting. “And what good would that do?” I ask with a smile, although I know my eyes are sad.
His gaze roams my face. “Make me feel better for a moment.”
For a moment.
And even though this whole conversation makes me feel better, that’s what this is, though, isn’t it? A moment in time, uncorrupted from what haunts me.
Gods, I’m so fucking tired of running. Of something existential controlling my life.
“If I don’t run, then what else? At least over the Black Sea, it sounds like I can hide in the open. Here? I don’t think I can just go back to some village and live out my life that way. That’s not living. That’s just growing old with no purpose.” The words rest on my tongue, and the reckless side of me wins as I continue, “I’d rather die soon, after tasting the affection you gave me, than evergo back to something like Coalfell. And at least going over the Black Sea would be achanceto live.”
I don’t mention that it’s a chance to live, so I may become worthy of killing others. I’ll be like my father and train for ten more years, then take them all down for what they have ruined.
I’ll make it my life’s mission.
And there’s a chance Soren might stop that, so for now, I’ll keep it quiet.
There’s something guarded in his gaze, vulnerability still managing to break through. We never usually get past this point of sentiment. I know for me, it’s because this just seems so unrealistic. Too perfect. There’s no way this can work in the context of the real world.
His eyes focus on me, but they move quickly as he takes me in. Some part of me registers what that look is—he’s not confident about what he wants to say.
If Soren cares for me more than just a fleeting encounter, I almost hope he doesn’t tell me how deep those emotions run. If hereallycares about me… Gods, I don’t know how much it’ll break me if I have to cross the Black Sea without him.
But I will, especially if it means he lives for his sister, too.
S O R E N
What would Jane do if I locked her away until this all passes? It’s what I’ve been doing as of late, hoarding her heart because, for some reason, her affection is captivating for me, just like her ruthless side that’s only enamored by my violence. And this ravenous need for revenge only binds me to her, as it’s a vibration that hums perfectly with mine.
Perhaps without my abilities, I might have cut my losses and walked away to focus solely on Serena, but Jane has brushed against my essence in ways I’ve still yet to describe.
Iknowher.
When Jane gives herself to me, her soul resonates an affection that’s dying to cling to someone. Idespisethe idea of another man receiving that, no matter the logic, or lack thereof, in what I feel. Especially knowing that someone could love her when she isn’t trapped within survival.
