Page 177 of The Secrets of Jane: Reborn
All he manages is a nod before sharply inhaling and moving over to a chest, opening it.
“It’s not locked?”
“It was more for keeping things organized than safe. They’re just made of wood. The thieves in Skull’s Row would have broken in one way or another. It’s aboutwhereyou keep your precious things that’s more important.”
Dad opens it, the hinges creaking as it’s almost like a coffin of my childhood. “Ah, this one has her healing stuff. It’s got her candle that she used to light for healing before she lost faith in her goddess.”
I near it so fast I nearly trip, stumbling as I reach back to grab the lantern to hold it closer. “She kept the candle?” I ask, staring at the blue wax, noting that the wick is even the same color. There’s a divot around the wick, indicating it’s been used.The last time it was on fire was when my mother touched it…
“She didn’t know how to explain that she had lost a personal faith. You were still learning the basics of healing, so I didn’t press how you needed to connect more with your magic. I’m not quite sure how the gods work, but I do know they can helpconnect your powers.” He clears his throat, looking at me while I stare at the things that used to be kept around our house. “Soren’s mother, I’m certain, would teach you.”
I even spot a small bag, one I swear she used to—I pull out a pair of ruby earrings, my jaw dropping as if holding a precious memory snatched from thin air.I truly believed I’dneversee these again.
“All of her jewelry is in there, too.” He sighs, scratching the back of his neck. “I’m remembering now, I put all the special stuff in that one. The rest are her clothes…” He looks at the others.
“Are these safe to wear?” I ask, holding them next to the lantern as the fire flickers heavily.“I lost the ones I bought.”
“I would maybe find another ruby jeweler, but they’d be fine to wear on occasion.”
I laugh at the sudden humor, moving my gaze between the earrings and my father. “Do you trust Cypress, after all of this?”
“I trust that her god means more to her than any of our lives. I think it’s best to stay far away from Cypress if we don’t want to end up stuck in her web again, though.”
I stare at the jewelry for such a long time, and Dad doesn’t press me, all while Mom watches on through her painting. It’s when I face him, so confused about all of this, and yet he still seems like a stranger—I’m stunned when Dad pulls me in for an embrace, the stumpy arm wrapping around to hold me there.
I don’t know what to do, my eyes burning from how wide they are.
“I’m so sorry I was so distant, Jane. Cypress… it was all her. She told me I couldn’t be close or show you any emotion. That it would throw you off. That if I broke that promise, she’d remove me from you. She said you’d be too attached to losing me again and not act how youneededto. I love you, Jane. I’m grateful I got to see you, for all those years, and got to do what I could totake care of you. Even from a distance. I’m just so sorry you felt so alone for so long.”
I drop the earrings and wrap my arms around my father, crying like how I dreamed I would when still a child who trusted too much, burying my face into his chest as Mom’s painting stands behind us. I wail into his chest like I’m a kid again, surrounded by my parent’s effects, gripping him even tighter, as if to tell the lonely Jane that first arrived in Coalfell that itisokay; hewillcome.
He’s already there.
It will just take much longer than anticipated to embrace him again.
“Enjoy this season while we have it, Jane,” Dad says, and I can hear him sniff as his remaining hand pets my head. “Life is seasonal. You had an unusually rough one that lasted for a very long time, but it was bound to be reborn with new beginnings...” He sniffs again and kisses the top of my head. “I’m so proud of you, you know that? You took on agod, Jane. Your mom would be telling everyone of your legend.” He laughs into my hair as I shudder more, burying my nose into his chest. “Mygirl.”
J A N E
Some mornings, it’s hard to appreciate where I’m at. If it wasn’t for the scars or permanent pain in my lung if I breathe too heavily, I might have thought everything that occurred was simply a terrible nightmare.
The only evidence of what my life has been through is the way my heart has changed. How deep wounds are finally closing, and I actually have love for a man that I never thought possible. A love IfearedI would lose.
Now that my life is starting to settle, I’m officially tired of thefates.
Of premonitions.
It’s difficult when Soren lives within those confines, but he’s learning to not frame it in such a way. I’ve missed feeling autonomy over myself, and predestined bullshit robs me of that.
At my mirrored desk that I use to pen letters to Kathleen and my dad, I sit with only a silk robe on and stare at the ruby earrings belonging to my mom, studded into a small cushion for display.
It will be a while before I wear rubies again.
Did Mom know that Cypress was watching her while wearing them? Questions about her invade me at least once a day, wondering all the way to what her childhood was like. We never got to talk about it much. Maybe it’s something I can bring up when I go to visit her painting next, which Dad let me keep. Soren gifted me one of the rooms that overlooks the ocean—something I’m forcing myself to stare at. Despite the way ocean waves are like nostalgia, they’re now stained with a complexity from enduring that storm, from standing next to Misery while rain pelted my face. There’s bodies out in that water. Even my enemies are still alive, stuck in the siren’s curse, just under those waves. My hope is that if I stare at them enough, surrounded by my mother’s things, that maybe I’ll somehow get over it.
That room even has Mom’s brush with a few blonde strands in it, like she may have just visited.
Yes, I’ll bring up her childhood next time I visit that sanctuary.
