Page 40 of The Secrets of Jane: Reborn
The statement takes her so aback, and also brushes against somethingveryneglected that it has an effect that leaves her speechless.
But I mean it.
The shit with Shade hasn’t fully settled on me yet, and I cannot handle the idea of something happening to her and herhidingit.
It’s what Serena did, and then she was gone.
“It’s alright, Soren,” she says gently, turning to face me. “Really. I spoke with someone else, but it’s a lot about my family, and my history, and I just… I need to process the allegations.”
I swear to all the gods there’s a flash of red in my mind’s vision, followed by dark, black eyes, and it’s more clear than ever she’s speaking of Cypress. “Jane, I can’t help you if there’sanydetail hidden from me.”
The pleading in her eyes, along with the way I feel she wants to give meeverything, contradicts that it’snothing. The more our energies meld in the space, I can’t deny that the rubies have to be powering my senses, one way or another.
I absolutely hate how witches can obscure everything I rely on for clarity.
“I know you can read me, so I know there’s no point in lying. But I… it’s too soon. I really do have to sit on what was told to me.”
“This is what happened to my sister,” I say, raking a hand through my hair and looking to the side. I hesitate, but when those words strike through her like her armor is made of silk, I add, “If I had known that the man who took her had spoken to her the day before, and told her he was there as a merchant, and that there was alordtraveling with him, I could have told her he’s full of shit, and all he had in his cart was a bunch of coal.”
Jane’s gaze roams the floor, her face puzzled as she ever so slowly approaches me. “Wait, why a lord?”
My eyes roll, pressing my lips together as I glance at the crackling fire, hating the way it feels to speak of this toanyone. “Serena thought those in Belstead were interesting.” The heaviness in my heart gains an unexpected lightness as the corner of my lips tugs upward. “She’s a gentler soul. Not made for Skull’s Row, or any of us. It’s why—It’s why I can’t handle the idea of awful things happening to her, other than she’s my sister. Out of everyone, it would break her the most.”
There’s the expected pity from Jane, the kind that I loathed for so long. Someone’s pity changes nothing. But then there’s a determination in Jane that mirrors what she feels when thinking of Kathleen. “Then I’ll help you find her. When this is all done, obviously.”
I glance over to see she’s right next to me, and I’m eye level with her navel, her loose tunic partially tucked into her leather pants. There are ripples in the energy of this room that surrounds her, perhaps even emanating from her, almost as if through each one, I can see a different future; it’s a novel effect that takes me off-guard. One of those paths removes this woman from my life, nearly guaranteeingmysurvival—something tells me the Scorpion won’t wander far from Jane and will die protecting her, despite his threats.
Through another ripple presents an obscure future where I place all bets on Jane, and give her every inch of mycommitment—it’s warm, inviting. Almost familiar, even, like it will fill in all the cracks of my soul. And yet there’s a risk, amassiveone. As if to choose her means my death.
Death doesn’t mean shit to me if I get tolive.
I can no longer just take Jane and find my sister. No, I have tochoose. Surrendering myself to Jane means accepting I may never live to save my sister. As my gaze takes in the details of her belt and the slightly bent frame, I think of the smooth skin underneath her raggedy clothes.
Maybe it’s because I’m drained, but I can’t fight the way she gets to me right now. The way a deeper, lonely side of me is desperate to release everything I’ve lived for since my sister disappeared and wants to take pride in dying for somethingtangible.
No matter which path I choose, therewillbe regret. Misery and his cunts have ensured that. I know better than to hope I’ll live; I either will, or I won’t, but planning beyond that is reckless. At least, itisfor someone like me that knows I can’ just fuckinghopeI live for Serena.
Jane is patient as I wade through this overwhelming experience before asking, “What’s wrong? Did you learn something else?”
Her voice is velvet against the coarseness of my life. As I deeply inhale, I touch the outside of her thigh, right where a hilt for a blade is tied around her. My Jane would survive being taken and would thrive under the pressure of revenge.
My sigh is heavy as I consider what I’m about to say, and so is my heart. “I want you to make me a deal.”
The energy within her stirs uncomfortably. “I want to hear it first.”
My smile stretches without thought, raising a hand to touch her hip, running my thumb along the fastenings of her holster.“If I don’t survive what’s coming, will you vow to find my sister for me?”
The calm drive that fueled her shifts to a familiar anxiety. “Why? What have you learned? You can’t die. Why would you even suggest that?”
I grip her hip and finally look up at her, her concerned gaze roaming all over my face. “Love, what’s haunting you is not something one army can fight. I don’t even know what a plan would look like. All Idoknow is that what your father says sounds true to me, and to destroy this asshole named Misery, it will be a war.” I tilt my head. “Which means dying. Quite a few will, I’m sure of it. And I don’t trust Cypress to keep my heart beating by the end of this, but I do believe she intends to ensure yours does. You have to agree that if I can’t help my sister, you’ll find her and let her know I never stopped looking.”
It’s the only compromise I can think of. I get to throw everything I have at Jane without reservation, andsomeonewill search for my sister when this is done.
And for a small moment of my life, I get to enjoy something that’sonlyfor me.
Sorrow and dread wash over her, just like when she saw me bleeding back in the bakery. And then a wave of guilt washes through her so fiercely it nearly removes all other sentiments, and I’m not sure where it comes from. “Then,” she says, looking around, breathing heavily. “Then go. Don’t be a part of this. Don’t risk yourself tothatdegree.”
Retraction. I don’t blame her. The destruction that will follow her is quite terrifying.
